OK, let's see. I took my whole week's supply of diazepam (I'm on 14mg a day so that's a LOT), three packs of Prozac (30 tabs in each I think) washed down with a bottle of wine. They got me to hospital within a few hours and monitored me but there was no need for anything horrible like stomach pumping, just had very low blood pressure so needed fluid drip for a while. Was discharged that night, Crisis Team came the next day and suggested I go into this Crisis support place. Amazing place - just a house with 4 private bedrooms, lounge, kitchen etc. Support staff were on duty 24 hrs a day so whenever I needed to talk, cry, have a complete meltdown, someone was there to hold me. And I did spend the first 3 or 4 days crying, racked with guilt, beating myself up, but they talked to me a lot and very slowly I started to feel more positive, so then they started taking me out on little trips, but always very gentle, at my pace.
So after about 3 days the Crisis Team brought a consultant to talk to me about onward plans. I had been drinking very heavily, gradually it had built up to at least a bottle of wine a day, often more and earlier and earlier in the day. So he said we have to tackle that before we can do anything else, because it's causing a lot of the mood problems itself. I'd got into a self-destructive spiral where alcohol was the only thing that gave me relief from the anxiety and depression, but in the long term it was actually feeding it. No alcohol allowed in the crisis house, so I haven't had a drink for 10 days and so far I don't miss it, I can feel the difference - both anxiety and depression have lessened dramatically. We agreed that ADs are really bad news for me so I'm not on anything else apart from diazepam at the moment, will have to tackle that dependence once I'm on top of the alcohol one. I'm still on Evorel 100 and continuous Provera and that seems to be working better for me than bloody Utrogestan too.
Ongoing - I have my own mental health care co-ordinator, I have support from an alcohol support service, I have my lovely GP just down the road, and if I feel I'm going downhill I can contact the Crisis Team or my GP. Plus lots of lovely friends very nearby. And if it gets bad again I can go back into the Crisis house. They were the most compassionate, lovely people, all with different backgrounds and different bits of advice and help. I felt safe and looked after and I learnt a huge amount about keeping myself well.
That's probably enough for now, I could write a whole essay but I need some dinner! Big big kiss to you too darling xxx
