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[Focus]

Hi guys

I don't know if this is hormonal, but I'm struggling a bit at the moment.

It could be a bit of the usual PMS stuff, just amplified. Feeling vulnerable, picked on and a bit paranoid.

But in the background is the feeling of not being ready for another major life upheaval. I already went though one three and a half years ago, when my now ex-husband left (for his much, much younger affair partner. They now have two children together. She got pregnant with their first child 9 months after he left). We had been together 18 years, married 15.

Anyway, I absolutely threw myself into my recovery and, I have to say, it went phenomenally well...better than I ever could have imagined. People were telling me I looked 20 years younger, I looked the picture of health, and some of them didn't even recognise me. My journey through my recovery was all consuming both inside and out. It had to be, it was a question of life or death really - he was an alcoholic and I reckon I had become co-dependent (as well as doing absolutely everything to run my life, his life and our life for many many years).

So I was  at the point where I was coasting a bit and enjoying the fruits of all my hard work, enjoying life and enjoying being me. Then I got hit with this perimenopause stuff.

And I feel like I have no energy left to go through something like this now. I really don't. I'm exhausted from everything that's happened.

Does anyone have any words of advice?

[sheila99]

It does get better, for most people anyway. I just couldn't be bothered with anything or anyone, not so much the feeling of couldn't go through something but couldn't care if I did nothing all day. Have you seen your gp? Discussing hrt options might be a good place to start. I assume you already have a good healthy lifestyle, nutrition  & exercise?

[Jari]

Hi focus, whereabouts are you into perimenopause?
Have you had any months without period?
How is your diet and what is your bmi? X

[Focus]

Hi guys

Thank you for your replies. It's lovely to come back to the forum and find them...really lovely.

I'm one of these super healthy people, both in terms of exercise and food. No issues on that front, I'm small for my size. Goodness knows what it would be like if I was eating badly, overweight and not exercising. I can't begin to imagine what sort of hell this would be.

As to where I am, I don't honestly know. 49 years old and I'm on the combined pill to deal with the flooding/huge clots/constant periods I was getting from October onwards last year. Occasional flooding and clots before then, maybe since the previous spring? But not like from October onwards (which led me to become anaemic). Maybe some barely noticeable symptoms the previous year (no more sore, swollen PMS breasts).

Also now hot flushes, night sweats, brittle nails, weird dreams.

I was getting acne again after the new year, but that only lasted a few months and I'm back to having super clear skin now.

I'm feeling dehydrated all the time. Not joking, but I must drink at least 2 litres of liquid a day, and 3 litres most days. Came back from the gym last night and had one litre after I got home.

So, no idea really.

[Jari]

Hi Focus, Some women get lighter and lighter periods on the lead up to menopause and some have heavier...
How long have you been on the combined pill now? I'm guessing that is a temporary thing?
When you come off it you'll get an idea of where you're at..

[CLKD]

I always felt really thirsty B4 a period.  I would dip celery stalks into cold water and chew them for the liquid. 

Are you dehydrated?  The way to tell is to pinch your skin on the back of the hand: if it pops back the body is hydrated enough.  If it peaks then it needs hydration. 

So hormones may be driving this feeling of thirst: as can diabetes!  Maybe your local Lloyds pharmacist could to a pin **** to check?

You may be in mourning.  He upped and went.  Leaving you.  You had been through a lot together, plus his alcoholism.  Give yourself a break, these issues can bounce back un-expectedly!

[Focus]

Thank you.

Suddenly thought of two things...I have bad memory anyway (because of PTSD) but it's been especially bad the past few months. I've missed work shifts, turned up at the wrong time and days as well.

Also, I seem to have permanent diarrhoea at the moment (two weeks and counting). Again, I didn't really notice this as I had it for so many years when I had PTSD really bad and I just got used to it.

Doctor said I can stay on the CP until I'm 50. If I come off it then and I have those awful periods again, I'm going back on it, by hook or by crook. There's no way I'm ever going through what I went through before going on it after the new year. .

[Focus]

Are you dehydrated?  The way to tell is to pinch your skin on the back of the hand: if it pops back the body is hydrated enough.  If it peaks then it needs hydration. 

Just feels normal when I do this.

I've been reading Chump Lady (there was a lot of cheating on his part with different women). She's hilarious and has kept me sane.

[Focus]

Hi Focus, Some women get lighter and lighter periods on the lead up to menopause and some have heavier...

I honestly didn't know this. I thought everyone's periods eventually for lighter and further apart.

[Jari]

Hi Focus, just a bit about peri...

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/perimenopause/symptoms-causes/syc-20354666

[Jari]

Ps, if you've had diarrhoea for more than two weeks, likely why you feel so thirsty.

Could be IBS or chrones disease or maybe stress or something. Did you tell this to your doctor? X

[Focus]

Thank you.

I honestly thought it was a more linear progression. It just seems like everything is jumbled up. I noticed that I started getting night sweats back in November (they were really bad ones) when I was bleeding really heavily all the time, constantly, for weeks on end. Now I have night sweats and hot flushes, but they're obviously lessened because I'm on the CP.

I thought my periods would get lighter and further apart and only then would I get night sweats and hot flushes.

[Focus]

Yeah, I have IBS that started at the time my PTSD started.

It wasn't diagnosed by the doctor but by a specialist counsellor. I tend to steer away from doctors and keep clear of them as I really don't get on well with most of them.

I started exercising as a way of coping with my (at times) crippling anxiety. I try and exercise most days as it really helps.

At the moment I'm struggling. I'm exercising as usual, but I feel quite down and overwhelmed. I know that if I stopped exercising I would fall off the cliff edge. And I know that it's a long, long, long way down, and just how many jagged rocks you hit off on the way down.

I feel very lonely as well. All my friends are younger and have no idea how this feels. I'm the only one of all of us who is divorced. So none of them really know what that is like either. One of my closest friends sort of intimated that her split up with her live in boyfriend of 6 years was like my divorce. I said nothing to her, but I really don't feel they're the same thing at all.

Anyway, I'm sorry to be on such a downer.

I've worked really hard to be very very positive, and that's how people would describe me. But this is knocking the stuffing out of me.

[CLKD]

Anxiety/stress + the runs = dehydration!

[Focus]

Realised when I'd got home that I had forgotten to take my pill in the morning.

After about half an hour of taking it I started feeling a little calmer.

Anxious again this morning. Feeling like my life is shrinking to trying to get through the immediate moment.

Terrified for what the future might hold. Terrified that I'm somehow 'not enough' for my partner, not feminine enough, not womanly enough, that I had my chance and failed at being a woman - when some women find it so easy. That he'll turn round and tell me, out of the blue, when we've really knitted our lives together and that I will be devastated. I won't have seen it coming.

Going to struggle through the day with the things I need to do (work), then I'm going to the gym again. That'll be three days in a row.

I'm not getting the high I usually get from it. I still feel down and worried after it. Even though I run for 45 minutes and am absolutely drenched in sweat afterwards.

When does this nightmare end?