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[LJ0613]

Hello everyone.  Im just new to this. I found out last week im going through the menopause,  I'm 45.
Have been really struggling with hot sweats and mood swings.
I just would like others advice please.  I've been with my partner for 7 years, we don't live together because of kids etc. We plan on living together in a few years.  Anyway the past few months my sex drive has went from really high to zero  .
He must have noticed but im not sure I want to tell him I'm going through the change. Im worried he wont see me as me anymore and just one giant menopausal woman! 
Im devastated im going through the change,  my mum thinks im being ridiculous but I am genuinely unhappy about it like im not in control of me anymore if that makes sense?
Am I right to keep it from him?

[Turkish delight]

Hia LJ, a warm welcome to the group from me! 

I think maybe you could just mention it to him casually, give him a bit more credit, he'll probably be neutral about it.
By this I don't mean mention about your sex drive but about meno in general. Just edited that as I may have been unclear after reading others post.

Give him that chance without projecting your fear of it on him. Menopause really doesn't have to be a death sentence.
It can be a very empowering time in your life if you educate yourself about it and all the options available to you.

I do understand your fear, it's just the unknown that's all, I'm sure you will feel more in control and like yourself once you are out of the denial stage. We can definitely help you with this, so stick around. In the meantime check out the video link under here...

https://youtu.be/viA2SHIg5gw

It'll help start your education on the subject. The more you learn the less fear you will have.
You may as well face it full on as it's not going to go away any time soon, or ever in fact, so make it your friend, not your enemy 

 

TD
 

[jaypo]

Hi LJ and welcome.
I'm a bit like you,been with my husband for 8 years and married for 6 of them,I was so loving intercourse,couldn't get enough if truth be told,then all of a sudden,nothing,zilch,just couldn't be bothered any more, I still love my husband obviously but like you I didn't want to tell him,still haven't,to start with I just told him I'd tummy ache or headaches etc,it's easy for other people to tell you to just tell him but for some (me) it wasn't but now,we do it less anyway,he's tired or I'm tired,it just naturally got less,so now,I'm back to enjoying it as it's only maybe once or twice a week.
I love my OH and I know he'd understand but I'm so scared he'd be hurt.
I don't know what your partner is like but you should tell him about the sweats and mood swings at least then take it from there
Good luck

[Hurdity]

Hi LJ0613

  from me too.

When you say you have just found out - I'm wondering what you mean by this? Have your periods started to go awry ie cycle getting longer and more erratic etc, as well as your symptoms of flushes and sweats?

Also are you on any medication eg the pill of some sort or anti-depressants because these and some meds can also depress libido considerably?

The good news even if they have, you could start to take HRT which would regulate your periods so that you had a normal monthly bleed. If you had a Mirena coil fitted for contraception for example, it also works as the progestogen part of HRT, and then you could then add oestrogen in the form of patch (which is visible) or gel ( applied daily - but invisible!) which would hopefully reduce your hot flushes and would also limit bleeding.

If you are not living together at the moment then I see no reason to tell him yet if you don't feel you want to. If you seek treatment and it works then in a few years you might be over 50 anyway, you would have been together for quite some time, and be at approx the average age for menopause so would not be unexpected.

In the meantime as Turkish dleight says - do educate yourself as much as possible - there is a lot of info on the main website as well as My Menopause Doctor site (Dr Louise Newson).

Hope this helps

Hurdity x