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[puddlesmum]

This is driving me insane.

For the last 3 days, my OH has had a cold. It's practically the same cold that is going around at the moment. Chesty and tickly cough, headache blah blah friggin blah. I also have a cold. But to him. OMG. The first night he spent talking to himself and having panic attacks, 2nd night talking to himself and sweating profusely and last night even though he seemed to be asleep every time I woke up he says he never slept a wink and was in so much pain he couldn't get comfortable.

Now I love him. But this is driving mental now. I honestly don't know what's wrong. He had counselling last year for the cancer he conquered, and he was doing really well with everything. He went to a head and neck meeting at the hospital last week (where they get together in the evening and chat, meet other conquerors, talk to doctors that type of thing). But he seems to have caught this cold from there and passed it to me. I can't for the life of me stop him panicking about having it.  I have it too - it's not that bad, I'm aching, sore throat, sneezing and tickly/chesty cough and although it's irritating it's not panic attack worthy (I have terrible panic disorder myself). 

Does anyone have any suggestions? I've told him he needs to take his honey and lemon every few hours and just sweat it out like I am but I can't get through to him. Other than suggesting he makes another appointment with his counsellor as he's obviously catastrophising it I don't know what to do?

Jackie

[CLKD]

Hammer to hand  - he's done well.  His treatment and recovery are recent in his mind though and everything going might cause the cancer to return.

If he's talking to himself as well as sweating he may well have a night-time temperature.  Do you have a thingy with which to check ?

Starting at 5.00 p.m. - make a note of temperature, jot down his symptoms, i.e. aches and pains; neck stiffness.  Get him to lift his arms above his head and to move his neck gently.   I have a level for anxiety of 1-5. 1 being low ...... so maybe offer up a chart and check every 3 hours: note the level of anxiety and compare it with the symptoms.

Pain relief.  Appropriate medication to lower temperature.  Lots of fluids ........     and for your partner  ..........     could he ring the counsellor for support. Or one of the group members that he met with last week to find out who kindly handed the Germ over ;-).    What ever you say won't be enough [been there  ], DH used to say "I told you all that" when I returned from sessions.   .

Pain relief every 4 hours.  Gentle walking round the room .........

[Pennyfarthing]

Some men are just big babies and I am glad I am not married to one.  My friends partner has just had THREE weeks off work with a cough.  Its all too easy when you are paid by someone else. 

My OH is self employed and I can honestly never remember him having a day off in all the years he has been self employed - approx 35 years.  He has a very bad back and is in agony some days but he still goes to work.  He has a cold at the moment but is still working. 

This is not directed at Puddlesmum by the way, or her husband!

[CLKD]

Also some people really do feel cold symptoms worse than others.  Time of year can make a difference, how others react to symptoms, pain levels and resistance ........ trouble is, when both have disturbed nights, one [me] can soon lose patience 

[CLKD]

How is he this evening?  Improving yet?

[jaypo]

Hi Jackie,really good news that your husband conquered cancer, I possibly would be like him if I'd had cancer,just a big stress on legs,poor man,think you'll just have to let him get through it,has he a good dr he can chat with?
My husband like penny,is self employed & although a wimp,has never had a day off his work with illness but when he has a cold,he has to tell me every symptom,in great detail,I hasten to add,about 10 times a day,his cold is  ALWAYS worse than mine of course😏

[jillydoll]

Sounds like my bloke, when he's ill, he talks, or rather mutters to himself,
says he didn't sleep well, when I know he did, and won't take anything only painkillers.
No honey n lemon, no cough medicine, no nothing! Lol.
I used to worry, but now I don't, I let him get on with it, trouble is with lots of men , the more we fuss over them, the more they act.....they're like children.....

Your hubby though is probably scared about getting proper Ill  again, (cancer) and is reliving some of that.....xx

[puddlesmum]

Aww, thank you, ladies, for being so kind and helpful. 

Oh I know he's reliving the recent anxiety from the cancer and I feel mean for saying it, but I just want him to chill out. His specialist told him that there was 97% chance that it wouldn't come back. And he did so amazingly well. My heart aches for him and would have gladly taken his place but (and I feel so mean for thinking this) but when is enough going to be enough worry. He knows he catastrophises but it's incredibly intense when he does it. I just wish the counselling would work for him. We've tried my hypnotherapy counsellor and he couldn't get on with that and now CBT therapy but still the same.

I just needed to get it out somewhere safe. I know I can do that here.

I'm not berating him for feeling like that about the cancer, (I'm his cheerleader) I expect him to feel like crap and fully support him but it's the worrying about it when it's only a cold is what is making him mentally unwell. Having panic attacks at night over a cold isn't right. He knows it's not right either because he'll say "this is so unlike me."  I am looking after him

He's a little brighter tonight thankfully, although I feel like crap but I'm not letting it show. Temperature is normal too (he's probably getting night sweats from me).

[jillydoll]

It's all the worry!
I mean , I know he's been through the cancer, and it was his illness, but you've also been through it too. Don't forget that.....it must have been hell...and all the mental strain just doesn't go away.
I know you love him, and care and look after him, and I don't want you thinking we think anything other...maybe he needs medication for anxiety? No one would blame him for that..xx

[CLKD]

4 him it's early days.  I used to get worried prior to any check-ups, the what if it returns, then I'd be OK again.   That lasted about 3 years. 

Panic attacks can take over.  If DH even coughs in the night I go into panic  .  I shake.  Shiver.  Can't eat, sleep, drink.  Logic flies out the window    .  I am absolutely NO GOOD at nursing.  Unless he has a cold .......

A hug for you both.  This too will pass.  3 days to catch a cold, 3 days to suffer, 3 days to give it away 

[CLKD]

Did we improve over night?

[jaypo]

How is he doing puddlesmum

[CLKD]

I remember having 'flu - two years apart to the week, March 88 and 89.  Couldn't stand noise, light; hot, cold, aching; had to be assisted to the bathroom with eyes shut tight.  In bed for 3 days then gradually began to eat.  No one goes to work with 'flu.  Offer them a £50.00 note on the floor the other side of the room and they simply won't be bothered