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[EnglishRose]

Oh and also ! My mother in law had the same issues with the genital sensations , I remember her telling me that her gp said it was due to menopause, it went away ! I Knowshe had it for a good few weeks  ! It's not really something most people would talk about I guess ? Xxxxxx

Really??
Omg I'm crying now... I just want hope... just a little hope this will pass. I can live with it if I have hope it will pass but it's like every avenue I go down I get shrugged shoulders or blank stares...
the physio Therapist told me she had women who went to her with the same symptoms but like me they didn't have pundendal nerve irritation.
(That's the nerve that sends pain and pleasure to your genitals anus and pelvis)
I'm so terrified this is for ever or it will get worse and I can't shake that fear..
but I've already spoken to a hand full of women who had pain and or arousal
To their genitals and recovered by balance their hormones out or it passed with time.

Of course there's those that get diagnosed with the dreaded disorder and just accept it.

My symptoms have morphed from mild to intense sexual arousal and mild pain to my vagina and mild shivers to my spine and now it's the other way around.. mostly a hyper sensitive spine lower back and legs... like shivers only nothing to do with cold. It's like someone's walked over my grave all the time...hard to describe.
And restless legs and off throughput the day or night. I also get mild pain to different places to my inner outer vagina too. Oh and INSANE hunger... which is not in keeping with how I'm feeling emotionally.

I think I've alresdy done the damage re: obsessed I'm tuned into my body all the time now.

I've never been anxious about health issue before. I had skin cancer in my early 30s and had very little anxiety about it.

Sucks having a hormone soup with strange symptoms 😟

Thank you for taking the time to respond and share your story of your mother in law .xxx it does help so much to know others have been where I am and came through the other side. ❤️

[EnglishRose]

From personal experience , STOP GOOGLING . When I go down the dr google rabbit hole it makes me feel SO much worse . Difficult to do as it is an addiction in itself and the next step is obsession- which will take your focus for normal every day life ( when lack of focus is already an issue ! ) . Yes you feel like shit . But it won't last .

I say all this from my own experience with severe health anxiety .

Lemondrop xxxx

Found your early posts
I do all the things you mentioned, walking into rooms forgetting why, putting the coffee in the fridge, forgetting words even simple ones, forgetting how to spell words, forgetting appointments,.. so much I forget (no pun intended)
But this was something I was aware of ... it's well documented as a meno symptom so this didn't trigger my anxiety
Ironically I guess had you been dealt my symptoms perhaps you would not hve panicked due to your mum in laws experience.
Sucks eh.
Hope your feeling better and more confident now.

I'm very early days with my Oestrogen HRT started a week ago on one pump increased to two pumps two days ago.
I'm also reducing a high dose of progesterone whivh I've been using for several years and each 100mg reduction creates havoc for me emotionally so I'm all over the place now...no idea what's doing what ...
Just know I must stivk with it for 3 weeks same dose before I make a decision and that it can often make you feel worse before better.. xx

[SueLW]

I was told try 1 pump then 2 but the label says 2 to 3 pumps.
I've to use Uestrogen micronised progesterone from day 15 (200mg):
I'm on 300mg Cyclogest currently so once down to 200mg I'll stop using it and move over to the micronised pills.
I'm sure when I stop taking the progesterone pills I'll hit an all time low as that's the first time in years I will hsve not used Progesterone at all.
Worrying about that but if the other symptoms that are causing me anxiety improve or go away it will be worth it,

You certainly overdid the progesterone.  You are bang on the nail now when you said that you are suffering PMS on a kind of permanent scale right now.  That's exactly it.  You are reducing progesterone and although you have started oestrogen, its a low dose so far and it won't necessarily be able to get to the cell receptors because they were flooded with progesterone.  It's good that you have worked up to 2 pumps a day now.  When you feel ready to try 3 pumps, try splitting it to 2 in the morning and 1 in the evening.  I certainly prefer that, it stops the highs and lows of the hormone from being more extreme. 

Oestrogen is not the enemy.  It's our life force.  We need it in every cell in our body.  A lot of crap and damage fell out of the Women's Health Study back in the '90's or whenever it was.  Even the study writers have published an official apology to women and explained how the mistakes about oestrogen and cancer came about.  The press, as they do, leapt on and misread the study and blasted out everywhere that HRT causes cancer and that was it!  Women everywhere going cold-turkey and terrified to continue or start HRT. 

Oestrogen protects our bones (women get osteoporosis when their oestrogen levels fall) and our hearts and arteries.  It keeps our brain functioning well and makes us feel positive and capable.  All the things you have going on at the moment are easily associated with lack of oestrogen and progesterone withdrawal.  You are doing the right things to correct that.  This sensation problem is to do with nerves either drying out a bit or something else dry rubbing on them.  We have a massive number of oestrogen receptors in our vagina and bladder area.  If any of them dry out a bit sensations will change.  Many menopausal women think they have cystitis, it feels just the same, but it's not, it's lack of oestrogen.  The oestrogen should help to plump things back up a bit and take that sensation away.   

I get hissing in my ears, probably from my hypothyroidism, if I focus on it, listen for it, it seems really loud and intrusive and gets on my nerves fast.  But most of the time I don't focus on it or listen for it and it doesn't bother me at all.  You must stop focussing on your issues/sensations and look outward to other things, take the focus out to a more distant point rather than right inside your body.  If the ear hissing gets to me I put the radio on and listen to music and I can't hear it and I'll forget about it.

You said you had to go out yesterday and you felt so much better you sang to the radio!  That tells you so much about how your body really is feeling.  It's your mind that's making things worse by being so self-focussed.  You should not have gone back to bed when you got home.  You have to stop the bed thing.  I said yesterday you must get up every morning at the same time, wash, dress and then go downstairs.  Force yourself to do it.  No going back up to bed at all until it's bed time.  If you even think about it, give yourself a talking too.  Put that radio on and sing.  Find a cupboard to clean out or a door that needs painting.  Small but involved tasks.  Switch the focus.  Do it for a week and you are almost over the bed thing.  Then it's on to the dog walking.  You don't need a dog walker.  You need to be outside twice a day.  They are only little dogs, they don't need to go far.

This is a time of life where we can wallow or we can carry on.  It's not a fight.  It's dogged determination to keep going.  You are on the right track now.  You are getting some of the hormone you need, but it will take a while to settle in.  You spent years forcing oestrogen down.  While you wait you need not to wallow.  Working alone is an issue.  I have it too.  But I work from a small warehouse and office that I drive to each day.  If you find being at home to work too wishy washy as far as motivation and focus goes, can you go somewhere else to work each day?  Even if it were to the library?  Or rent a small office somewhere or a hot desk?  It makes a difference to go to work.  You must never try to do any work in bed or in PJ's.  Always get dressed. Put earrings in, perfume on.  It is the simple things that make such a difference at this time in life.  I live in the country.  My neighbour, and others around here, get through this time because they have horses.  Horses need to be tended everyday all weathers, and no one can do it for them.  They have to get up, out and focussed and it helps them all.  I can see that.

I sound so bossy, I'm sorry about that.  But sometimes we need to be bossed a bit.  Too much thinking is bad.  So today - off the iPad and outside with the dogs.  As soon as you possibly can.  Surprise your husband with a nice meal tonight, served at the table if you have one.  Have a lovely day!

[EnglishRose]

I was told try 1 pump then 2 but the label says 2 to 3 pumps.
I've to use Uestrogen micronised progesterone from day 15 (200mg):
I'm on 300mg Cyclogest currently so once down to 200mg I'll stop using it and move over to the micronised pills.
I'm sure when I stop taking the progesterone pills I'll hit an all time low as that's the first time in years I will hsve not used Progesterone at all.
Worrying about that but if the other symptoms that are causing me anxiety improve or go away it will be worth it,

You certainly overdid the progesterone.  You are bang on the nail now when you said that you are suffering PMS on a kind of permanent scale right now.  That's exactly it.  You are reducing progesterone and although you have started oestrogen, its a low dose so far and it won't necessarily be able to get to the cell receptors because they were flooded with progesterone.  It's good that you have worked up to 2 pumps a day now.  When you feel ready to try 3 pumps, try splitting it to 2 in the morning and 1 in the evening.  I certainly prefer that, it stops the highs and lows of the hormone from being more extreme. 

Oestrogen is not the enemy.  It's our life force.  We need it in every cell in our body.  A lot of crap and damage fell out of the Women's Health Study back in the '90's or whenever it was.  Even the study writers have published an official apology to women and explained how the mistakes about oestrogen and cancer came about.  The press, as they do, leapt on and misread the study and blasted out everywhere that HRT causes cancer and that was it!  Women everywhere going cold-turkey and terrified to continue or start HRT. 

Oestrogen protects our bones (women get osteoporosis when their oestrogen levels fall) and our hearts and arteries.  It keeps our brain functioning well and makes us feel positive and capable.  All the things you have going on at the moment are easily associated with lack of oestrogen and progesterone withdrawal.  You are doing the right things to correct that.  This sensation problem is to do with nerves either drying out a bit or something else dry rubbing on them.  We have a massive number of oestrogen receptors in our vagina and bladder area.  If any of them dry out a bit sensations will change.  Many menopausal women think they have cystitis, it feels just the same, but it's not, it's lack of oestrogen.  The oestrogen should help to plump things back up a bit and take that sensation away.   

I get hissing in my ears, probably from my hypothyroidism, if I focus on it, listen for it, it seems really loud and intrusive and gets on my nerves fast.  But most of the time I don't focus on it or listen for it and it doesn't bother me at all.  You must stop focussing on your issues/sensations and look outward to other things, take the focus out to a more distant point rather than right inside your body.  If the ear hissing gets to me I put the radio on and listen to music and I can't hear it and I'll forget about it.

You said you had to go out yesterday and you felt so much better you sang to the radio!  That tells you so much about how your body really is feeling.  It's your mind that's making things worse by being so self-focussed.  You should not have gone back to bed when you got home.  You have to stop the bed thing.  I said yesterday you must get up every morning at the same time, wash, dress and then go downstairs.  Force yourself to do it.  No going back up to bed at all until it's bed time.  If you even think about it, give yourself a talking too.  Put that radio on and sing.  Find a cupboard to clean out or a door that needs painting.  Small but involved tasks.  Switch the focus.  Do it for a week and you are almost over the bed thing.  Then it's on to the dog walking.  You don't need a dog walker.  You need to be outside twice a day.  They are only little dogs, they don't need to go far.

This is a time of life where we can wallow or we can carry on.  It's not a fight.  It's dogged determination to keep going.  You are on the right track now.  You are getting some of the hormone you need, but it will take a while to settle in.  You spent years forcing oestrogen down.  While you wait you need not to wallow.  Working alone is an issue.  I have it too.  But I work from a small warehouse and office that I drive to each day.  If you find being at home to work too wishy washy as far as motivation and focus goes, can you go somewhere else to work each day?  Even if it were to the library?  Or rent a small office somewhere or a hot desk?  It makes a difference to go to work.  You must never try to do any work in bed or in PJ's.  Always get dressed. Put earrings in, perfume on.  It is the simple things that make such a difference at this time in life.  I live in the country.  My neighbour, and others around here, get through this time because they have horses.  Horses need to be tended everyday all weathers, and no one can do it for them.  They have to get up, out and focussed and it helps them all.  I can see that.

I sound so bossy, I'm sorry about that.  But sometimes we need to be bossed a bit.  Too much thinking is bad.  So today - off the iPad and outside with the dogs.  As soon as you possibly can.  Surprise your husband with a nice meal tonight, served at the table if you have one.  Have a lovely day!

What a lovely thoughtful reply. Not bossy at all. I need that , it's what my mum would have told me.
I wish I could hire you as a life coach ! 😊
Can you visit me every day and tell the above to my face.? Lol

I wish I had a real life friend like you. Not fair to want a friend just in a time of crisis though is it.

I have tinnitus too in my left ear. My eardrum burst following an infection about 10 years ago. It's whistling all the time at the moment... probably due to stress. I notice it more when it's quiet but it doesn't get to me.

I appreciate your advise, I need that. I have an older sister by 7 years but she's got her busy business and daughters plus she's so much older than me for all intents and purposes, I was an only child so we are not close and total opposites in many ways. We chat on Facebook but that's as good as it gets.

I find myself wishing I had a mother figure a lot these days or a big sister.
I feel like a lost and afraid child... like a want my mum, I'm almost 50!  I guess that inner child is always there when we are vulnerable.
Mums no longer able to be there in a crisis she's too old and the stress of it upsets her too much she's vulnerable herself she's struggling with end of life anxiety which we are not allowed to talk to her about so we can't talk about her issues or our own which makes for a very polite and false conversation.
In many ways she's already gone which sounds terrible but it's true.. mum is a shadow of her former self.

I understand her ways of coping now I'm older but she's always hidden behind dad when I had a crisis in life and needed her, but I never understand the reasons and thought she didn't love me from my teens to my 30s.
I would telephone ☎️ and Dad would pick up and say “what do you want her for?” and I couldn't speak with her.
I digress but that caused a lot of damage to me as I saw it as rejection which had a devastating effect on my self worth and life choices. I had hoped we would one day be able to talk about it and I could explain how it hurt me but she's not one for reflecting on the past.

I find myself looking for a mother figure not actively but thinking about how I wish I had someone who could

Anyway I digress. I think I feel so alone with this and whilst I've always been alone and happy in being so, now I regret not making more effort in making connections.
I had started to do that a little by inving my neighbour on my dog walks. She's 10 years older than me but at our age it doesn't mean much.
Now there's a strong woman. Widowed in her early 40s suddenly, never remarried or had another relationship, is fiercely independent, goes to the gym, power waking, tons of friends, goes to lots of places in the uk and remote locations in the world... truly admire her... total opposite to me.
Before all this happened I just knocked on her door and invited her to come on a walk and she was over the moon.

Community is an old fashioned concept now isn't it? I live on a detached house estate and everyone keeps to themselves, too busy.

I have a daughter and grand children but I had my daughter at 17 shotgun wedding and couldn't cope... asked my mum if I could come home with her and was told “no, you've made your bed now lie in it”
So I asked her father (who had gone back to his parents) to come and collect her for a while as I needed time to get my head together. He did and I never asked for her back.
I lived a turbulent life following, known as the mum who gave her baby up I fell into abusive relationships and recreational drugs... I basically had no self worth.

We are in touch but there's no bond there. I spent four years trying to court her by sending money and expense gifts and flowers but she would not let me spend real time with her only on Facebook. After the birth of her first child I asked if I could come and visit once a month and she told me she only let me see the baby out of politeness and declined my request.

It's okay, I made a decision and I lived my life without the stress of bringing up a baby and it's not fair to now want her back just because I'm older and life is not as full anymore. We are in touch but more like cousins.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a personal diary input. 😳

I've started spotting this morning I'm a week late for my period and gave up thinking it would come since I started the oestrogen a week ago.
It's always a relief to see blood after a dark patch as that explains why I've been so down.

I'll stop googling I'll get up and get dressed and ask my hubby to go for a drive or at least I'll try...

Thank you for reading and responding. Wouldn't it be great if this forum was real like a place we could all meet up once a week. I think I'd get out of bed for that !

[NickyLD]

Have you tried a mindfulness app? I find that helpful.  I've also tried a gong bath (don't laugh) and also Pilates and CBD oil.

All of which might feel a struggle to do right now, but you need to make a positive change otherwise you will become stuck (as you are) and it's harder to get out of that pit of despair. 

I've also found myself in a lonely place recently and it's the worst place to be.  A pilates class could really help with that if you feel able to attend?

[Blot]

Rose your posts are making me cry, you sound so down and I can relate to what you are saying.
I only have a sore and aching vagina etc to deal with but it is getting me down, it's all I can think about but you have had some good advice and I will try and follow this myself. All I want to do is curl up in bed till it's all over.
 It's a lonely business because even if you have friends and colleagues, it's not really something you can easily bring up in conversation. It's a case of “how are you?” “I'm fine” when I really want to say my fanjo is hurting etc etc. And when you do bring it up you get looks of pity but no real understanding. My life is on hold until I see some improvement 
My husband is dealing with this by not mentioning it unless I do which makes me feel even better! But that's another story.

I haven't got much in the way of advice and others have given you much better than I can but I wish you good luck and hope you start to see some improvement soon.

[EnglishRose]

Totally agree with the pj thing.  I feel so much better once I'm showered and dressed and with make up on.  Sometimes it's the little things that help the most. X

I live in a small town in Lancashire  my job involves sitting at the pc bidding in auctions around the uk via video feed, cleaning the rings up and/ or sending them to be restored and then photographing them. I use natural light which in winter is hard, any cloud and the camera can't focus. A bit of post editing in photoshop.
I'd love a studio with lights but doubt I'd find one local.
I also work as a graphic designer which is again pc related.
I've been housebound for years and years
My hubby has RA And works in a very demanding stressful job, so he's in bed as soon as he comes home then to bed for the night by 9.30 and weekends he sleeps a lot.
We've talked a lot about him finding another job but he loves his work and hates to be beaten by his health condition which is what causes so his fatigue.
When I'm working we make about thr same income we have more money than we need.
That said we jumped on the mortgage ladder late so we still have about 160k mortgage. These are concerns, we could downsize though and buy a house outright for 170k if we had to.

I got dressed today and asked him to show me an apartment he's purchased with a view to flipping or renting. He's done all of that alone as my head has been shoved up my ass for weeks. It was good to get out albeit short lived. I wanted to show support.

Im still trying to work out how much of my symptoms are born out of my ocd checking ... I've read so much about the nerve disorder that triggers a flare such as no car rides... no sitting in chairs... so all the time I'm thinking
“Is it there?”
“Is it worse?”

I have to admit I spent hours sat in the car and in a doctors appointment last week and whilst my back was in pain on the way home (as was my partners) it made no difference to the symptoms I'm afraid of.

I'm constantly pulling down my jeans gusset bc I've read and heard women who have pudendal neurologica can't wear tight jeans or trousers as
 the seam in jeans causes a flare or pain, so I'm aware of my genitals just physically aware as I'm constantly “ checking in”

I've boxed myself into a cube of fear avoiding these known triggers linked to the disorder im terrified I've got.
I've created a whole life or lack o, based on things that would trigger a flare just as if I had the illness for sure.
It's VERY easy to make yourself feel slightly aroused just by thinking of it or worrying about it..it's not like I'm having orgasms or anything close to that nor am I bent double in pain.
when I'm talking to strangers or outside of my home or comfort zone .. I don't notice it, it's always when I'm at home usually the same time ish...not sure why.

So now I need to sit in the pc chair all day and wear jeans all day and push myself out of this box I've made for myself,

I've spent literally 100 hours reading researching chatting to diagnosed sufferers and talking on the phone to them even... they all accepted me as one of them without question or query.
I've lived breathed and dreamed what it's like to live with that condition so consciously or subconsciously I'm thinking like I have it myself and that's despite the pelvic exam which checked my pundedal nerve and resulted in her finding no evidence of irritation.
I head hunted that therapist bc most don't work in that area only bladder issues. . classic health anxiety I'm telling myself she's wrong she didn't do it right .she was too dismissive ..
The copy of the mri referral to my Gynecologist suggesting we checked for other causes to the spine has just slapped me right back into anxiety again

About 10% of people have Tarlov cycsts (they're cystss that wrap around the nerves) which are found to the tailbone and about 5% of those people have symptoms. If my mri comes back with no cysts I'll be soooo relieved. If it comes back with cysts,,, it's a can of worms bc they're rare and there's no treatment other than some doctor in cyrprus who charges 28k to remove them. And there's no guarantee at that.

https://youtu.be/xBrwTCC3XqM

So...now you can see the extent of my paranoia 😒

I sound insane ... I know logically I sound off my head but emotionally I'm stuck in the mind set.

I DO get some horrible back sensations shivering and feels like when your in shock and nerve related sciatica and once I felt like a had a bead or something trapped inside my labia ... but there was nothing there...the sensation waxed and waned then my bottom cheek went cold and pain down my inner thigh followed. That's a nerve issue and I didn't imagine that,

So confused 😐  I guess worst case scenario is I go to cypress and spend 28k
But I'm not in that much pain... i hate health anxiety

[EnglishRose]

Roseenglish, I work from home sat at a computer. I wear comfy stretchy joggers. There's no way I'd sit all day in jeans.  My nether regions would be so uncomfortable and I'd end up with trapped wind and bloating from the waistband and generally tight material.  I'd get out of those jeans asap if I were you. X

I sit like an indian.. both legs up I've got restless legs I can't sit with feet on the ground... not for 20 years. So it never bothered me “before”
*sighs*
It's a waiting game isn't it. If there is something physically wrong with me I'll know for sure otherwise i suspect the symptoms will fade .

What do you do for a living? If you're okay to share I understand if not,

[EnglishRose]

I work with my husband doing all the admin for our business (he's a surveyor).

I would still ditch the jeans and wear something more comfy and stretchy, it's worth a try to see if it helps.  Luckily we rarely have visitors to our office so I'm in t shirt, joggers and slippers or trainers.  I honestly couldn't go back to smart dress like I used to wear to previous office jobs.  I honestly believe whoever came up with lycra deserves a bloody great medal.  My tummy has never been so grateful 😁

Oh for sure, I only buy stretch jeans now... and the more stretch the better, 😂

[suzysunday]

I can so relate to your mind set Rose. That fear you talk of is life draining and exhausting.  I'very felt so fearful these last few months that I felt like life was unbearable with no happiness only fear.

[CLKD]

"Nothing. No one can do anything. This is my fight”

However: if this were true would you post on here? 

When depressed I struggled to get out of bed.  I would crawl downstairs.  Everything was an effort, like wading through treacle.   Until the medication kicked in.  Even then I would spend hours on the sofa, dozing time away which at the time I felt was a waste.  However, it was healing, allowing my brain and body to rest.

Making a note each evening of essential chores which I could tick off gave me evidence that I was achieving things each day.  Having a strict routine helped.  I got out of bed and ate breakfast, then reviewed.  Every morning.  For 3 years.  I didn't realise that I was slowly improving.  Lunch was the most difficult meal time to make decisions about but eventually I was able to face food 'properly'.

When I went into the village and talked with people it would lift my mood and became essential during my recovery.  I hadn't to to peri.  Yet!

Make a list of what you need to do tomorrow.  Get a pen and tick each thing off.  Anything left by tea-time can be put onto the list for the next day.  Getting active increases adrenaline which encourages endorphins. 

[EnglishRose]

"Nothing. No one can do anything. This is my fight”

However: if this were true would you post on here? 

When depressed I struggled to get out of bed.  I would crawl downstairs.  Everything was an effort, like wading through treacle.   Until the medication kicked in.  Even then I would spend hours on the sofa, dozing time away which at the time I felt was a waste.  However, it was healing, allowing my brain and body to rest.

Making a note each evening of essential chores which I could tick off gave me evidence that I was achieving things each day.  Having a strict routine helped.  I got out of bed and ate breakfast, then reviewed.  Every morning.  For 3 years.  I didn't realise that I was slowly improving.  Lunch was the most difficult meal time to make decisions about but eventually I was able to face food 'properly'.

When I went into the village and talked with people it would lift my mood and became essential during my recovery.  I hadn't to to peri.  Yet!

Make a list of what you need to do tomorrow.  Get a pen and tick each thing off.  Anything left by tea-time can be put onto the list for the next day.  Getting active increases adrenaline which encourages endorphins.

😊
Good point. This is my lifeline.. my God.. it's my haven, every reply is like a tiny hug or a squeeze of my hand coming from women who knowwhere I'm coming from.

It's a process..something changed for me physically that doesn't show on the most common menopause symptoms list and it's created a great deal of panic and catastrophic thinking.

I want to get back to work..it's starting to niggle me now.. I feel it's my duty to support my husband he has his own health issues and the last thing I want to be is a worry or a burden financially or otherwise.

My physical symptoms effect my mood directly. I had a bad hour tonight and I became distracted and distant but waited it out and it passed and I carried on laughing with my partner as we watched Celebs Go Dating we like the narrator, he's funny.

I spent very little time in bed today.. I got out bathed dressed and stayed out until now bedtime.

I'll try the same tomorrow.

❤️ You all

[EnglishRose]

Oh me too but even sitting down in them gives me tummy problems 😁

You struggle with digestion don't you? Your the lady who is having problems eating.
Is it IBS?
My sister who is 7 yrs older than me struggled with bloating and IBS along with sciatica and acute anxiety driven insomnia a few yrs back. She asked me if I had those symptoms which I don't or didn't at the time.

She's 57 now and limps with bone pain...won't take HRT because “it gives me a headache “
I told her, her symptoms can't be that bad if a headache is her only reason for stopping it. You can take a Pk for a headache. 🙄

 She won't be told... 

Tell me more about your symptoms?

[EnglishRose]

I can so relate to your mind set Rose. That fear you talk of is life draining and exhausting.  I'very felt so fearful these last few months that I felt like life was unbearable with no happiness only fear.

It sucks. I've had days like this before my period were I've got something in my head and I'm convinced it's all real and my belief is justified then my period comes and it's like my rational head comes back.
It's truly like losing your sanity.. and with good reason, these hormones have a direct effect on the seretonin and dopamine levels in our brain.
So when we say we feel depressed it's not just a figure of speech,,, we are usually temporarily clinically depressed. The only difference is our hormones are driving the brain chemicals were as real depression is caused by lack of brain chemicals caused by things other than hormones and that's why ADs are important as they adjust seretonin in the brain for as long as you're taking them.

Tell me about your anxiety ?

[EnglishRose]

I can so relate to your mind set Rose. That fear you talk of is life draining and exhausting.  I'very felt so fearful these last few months that I felt like life was unbearable with no happiness only fear.

I had a quick look at your early posts, you're having the opposite issues to me. Ironic and twisted because I could not care less if I never had sex or the big o again.
Prior to these symptoms I hadn't had sex for 6 years and didn't give it a second thought.
Very occasionally I would relief myself solo before my period as that was an occasional symptom of pms, increased libido
But now I'm all over the place... sexual urges without emotional or mental desire.. so arousal outside the contex of desire.
Then times without the arousal feelings but I'm thinking about sex.. I want sex...I e never ever been proactive about sex always reactive.
Then I have some pain not much but mild stabbing pains to my vagina inside and out
Then I also hsve these horrible shivers to my upper spine, lower back, buttocks and legs.. like someone's walked over my grave feeling...shudders..and clothing brushing against my skin is like a fork touching a tooth nerve,,, not pain or burning just a horrible shivery want to climb out of my own skin sensation. Like my nerves are all exposed to my spine and legs...even my arms a little.
I also have sciatica pain to one side which stays to my lower back but I get sciatica pain down my bottom and leg on the other side.
Restless legs ,,, And finally an insatiable appetite for food when my head has no interest in eating but my stomach aches and twists unless I keep eating little and often.
All of this started at once albeit not at the same time.

Sex doesn't hurt. Orgasms fine. But the physical urges that come from no where and my mind is not involved is deeply upsetting for me,
It's strange how lack oh hormones can affect us in the opposite way.
I'ts so confusing when your body seems alien to you after 50 years

I've been using Vagifem for 2 weeks but not truky sure I hsve VA. Been told by a physio therapist and an ignorant gynaecologist that it looked fine, no VA
But I've been advised that VA is often happening where we can't see it and by the time it becomes obvious externally, it's often too late