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Author Topic: For all of us looking after elderly relatives  (Read 117022 times)

CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1125 on: June 11, 2018, 09:49:22 AM »

Why look upon care as being 'put' anywhere  :-\ ?  We need to consider what our likely health needs will be.  If possible choose a Home that has care as well as full nursing available, to avoid being moved as we age.  I couldn't do that for Mum as she managed to get a room in the 1st place of her choice.  Which means that she has settled, knock me down with a feather  :o  8)  ::)

Also we have to consider those that we live with.  I wouldn't want my husband as he ages to have to do the lifting for example, I would rather that he remained healthy in order to do his hobbies etc., which means that when he visits me he will have more to talk about.  Otherwise we would sit, looking at each other  :-X
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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1126 on: September 21, 2018, 03:12:35 PM »

 :bounce:
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Pennyfarthing

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1127 on: September 21, 2018, 03:26:21 PM »

I think some people imagine some old people are “put away” and never visited.  I visit my Mum every other day, I take her for a walk in the wheelchair if she fancies it, we sit in the lovely garden.  I went with her to hospital appt last week.  Wednesday I was with her while she got her hair done.  Today I took my Auntie in to visit her and we had a lovely lunch with her.  My brother also visited before lunch.  I got home and Mums old neighbour rang to say she would visit her one day next week.

The people I am most disappointed in the priests at her church. They have not visited once despite knowing where she is.  all my childhood I can remember my mother cleaning the church, the brasses, mending altar cloths, putting flowers out and fundraising.  Her and my auntie  and another lady were the founder members of that church which started out as not much more than a shed. She never ever missed mass in all her life until she was 92 and went into care.  My late Dad always used to say all her hard work was not appreciated and I would like to tell him he’s right!  One woman from church got to hear that no priests visit so she now goes in every few weeks and takes her communion. 
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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1128 on: September 21, 2018, 04:27:44 PM »

The Vicar of the Church where Mum attended visited.  The Vicar and his Wife, the previous incumbents, visit weekly.  But the Vicar in the village that Mum now resides in hasn't, as far as I know, bothered even after my request in April.  Her friends have not been a lot either, but she is in activities every morning from 10.00 and in the day room the rest of the time  ::).  I think that they went for a nose round then didn't bother, also the weather was bad then there were 'bugs' so people got out of the habit.  1 friend goes every 2nd week and my cousins keep in touch with Mum: who hasn't bothered to tell me that  >:(.

We take her out when we can, after she has had lunch.  That way she keeps to a routine.
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Krystal

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1129 on: September 22, 2018, 06:50:54 PM »

From my experience the more religious people appear to be, the less compassion they have. Perhaps it is the nature of the job and they become immune to the needs of others. As for friends and family visiting a loved one in hospital or a care home it is sad and interesting to learn who genuinely care for the loved one apart from yourself. Do not let absent visitors get to you. Your loved one knows you care and are there for them even if they may not be able to express this to you. Whatever illness a loved one has their spiritual heart does not disappear they are still that person inside even if their behaviours are not what you are used to. Remember true love runs deep.
 
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jillydoll

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1130 on: September 22, 2018, 07:35:53 PM »

That’s lovely, Krystal.
So true, thanx.xx
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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1131 on: September 22, 2018, 09:15:21 PM »

Certainly between my husband and I  ;).  Mum however  ::) [long story short]

I have to keep telling myself that 'she can't help it' ......... her friends are younger than she is.  They are less mobile.  Less motivated and if she tells them "Don't worry about me, I'm OK here" then they are less likely to take time out anyway.  Then she moans at me that no-one visits but I know her game now. 
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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1132 on: October 01, 2018, 01:02:39 PM »

The person who arranges activities at the Home where Mum resides has been on a special course and really engages the residents

Gardening outdoors - but the rabbits ate it!
Dusting and polishing inside [so that the Staff can see how much movement each resident has]
Singing/kareoke
Poetry reading
Nail painting
Making butterflies - she provided them with cut outs and crayons to fill in then the finished articles have been hung on the walls
The 5 senses: each day the residents were given things: herbs to sniff, items to feel etc.
Last week it was a Spanish theme: costume, dancing, paella: but shell fish were served which I feel is a bit too close to the edge, Mum for example has allergies! but had forgotten them
They make cakes .......  :-X which they get to eat for supper
They are saving newspapers to make paper machiee [sp] pumpkins
A baby was handed round recently but I didn't see [on Facebook] that Mum took part in that  :-\
Indoor bowls
Colouring 'in'


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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1133 on: October 01, 2018, 07:03:37 PM »

One thing I noted on Care Home Face Book last week, which is an open site  :-\ was a Spanish day including the serving of mussels.  Now Mum is allergic to shell fish but when I mentioned this yesterday, she had forgotten.   :-\ .  This was noted on her records when she went into the Home in December so I have sent an e-mail to the part-time Manager .......... I have suggested that shell fish maybe shouldn't be on the menu at all as I am sure that many people have allergies and as several residents are forgetful  :-\

Do U think that I have over-stepped the mark?  Mum develops breast lumps after shell fish  :'(
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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1134 on: November 08, 2018, 02:42:16 PM »

Nearly 12 months since Mum told me that she had decided to go into care. While I would have preferred her to go into a place with full nursing care, the first of her choices had a bed available so she took it.

Prior to her moving I read the various Commission reports as recommended by several people who were here at the time.  However: having watched Staff interacting with residents in the last 10 months and walking round the property it is obvious to me that it isn't suitable for those with a tendency to wander.  Doors are readily opened.  There are no fences or gates protecting them from reaching the road or stopping people accessing the garden 'with intent'.  The signing in book isn't kept up to date, as a legal document this should be filled in every time someone visits a resident and when they leave the premisses.  It's in case of fire, in the main.

I get the impression that the Commission reports do as little as is necessary.  It was noted how Staff interacted with residents, how they tapped on the doors B4 entering to deal with residents in their rooms; how those doors were kept closed in order to main dignity.  No suggestions of increasing security into and out of the building.  No CCTV on the quiet corridors but they have an open Facebook ...........

In recent weeks some of the doors have been given key pads and the keys out of the way of residents who want to roam.  However, the bathroom door had a broken two-way lock which we drew attention to several times: a lock and bolt was put on 'temporarily' - that was 4 months ago.  So carers could not access a resident should he/she fall behind that locked door.

So if you want to look at care homes, go along. Sit quietly and watch.  Have a discussion about how safe access into and out of the building is and what happens in the case of fire.  I am more savvy ..........

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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1135 on: November 17, 2018, 04:58:05 PM »

I found out at the weekend that there are 2 Carers on in the night: for a Home of 25 clients  :o.  Apparently there is no legal requirement for more Staff at night.  I dread to think what would happen in the event of D&V!
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groundhog

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1136 on: November 17, 2018, 10:43:20 PM »

Yes that’s right CLKD, maybe they get more staff on if they are on shutdown because of bugs and the like. 
I think I told you before of my mother who as you know is in a home, had a fall and anambulance was called at 4am.  They phoned me to accompany her as they had no staff available.  I could hardly say no but I couldn’t drive as it wasn’t long after my op so I went in ambulance. Then had to get a taxi home 4 hours later, she was discharged later that day.
Blooming shambles 🙄
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CLKD

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Re: For all of us looking after elderly relatives
« Reply #1137 on: November 18, 2018, 04:35:48 PM »

Apparently in Wales there is a legal safe staffing level but not in Scotland or England  :'(

Nice to C U! 
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