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[Ladybt28]

You are quite young I think from your posts so it is easy to think it is something else and not hormones plus from your last long post I think I read you are off hrt completely now.  If you are having hormonal problems and those doctors who say "ooh your too young to be menopausal" really get my goat, you will feel like your emotions are out of control and your mind will run riot.  Those are the chemicals that control all that sort of thing and if yours are diminishing, you have not control.  You described it as being like a teenager again and yes that is what it is like. Your hormones are all over the place then and they are all over the place now! It can be pretty extreme for those of us on HRT as well mind you.  I was going to say I cant imagine what it is like without it but I can because I went 3 months without any and knew I just couldn't cope.  I've said before they will have to pry it out of my bony fingers.

You are not losing your mind - you are hormonal and I am really sorry but I cant remember where you are on the hrt journey except that you are not taking any at the moment?  Hope your doctor that you saw before 7 years ago can help - it makes such a difference talking to a GP you like and feel you can trust to understand you.  I had a "let's give it a try dr" but he retired I was devastated - no one has been the same since.    I think you say you are seeing him Wednesday - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

[BlueButterfly]

yup, young...36. I'm really feeling it has to be hormonal problems. I did before but I have good blood tests to clear just about everything else (I did have Vit D about 2-3 months ago but I guess I was told it was fine because I don't recall them saying anything about it. It was also during the summer where I spent most of the summer in the backyard sitting in the sun or the pool!). What my body is doing makes no sense with the numbers that are going on. But I know oestrogen levels can effect so many things/systems. Just hope to find it all out. I really hope I don't hear "you're too young" this time. He was the first doctor to NOT say that to me and once I finished telling him all my symptoms his first response was that we needed to test hormones....that was so long ago. I hope he hasn't changed.

It's got to be hormonal. How else do you go from trying not to cry all day over ANYTHING (especially driving in traffic....just wished I could take a long drive down a dirt road....I hate living in a city)....and then suddenly at dinner....you just feel great...and dance & sing around the kitchen while listening to Queen? I wish I knew the trick to that magic...turn it on whenever I want instead of whatever my body wants at the moment?? And since you don't know me....I am not a crier....I will when I'm sad but not usually the kind to cry at everything. The dancing around the kitchen...that's normal.  It was nice to feel it for a short moment in time. I'm still in there...somewhere....

I think today was really one of the first times I was extremely sad about the idea of perimenopause at my age. I'm done having my children...I have my family. I have 2 wonderful healthy children. My body did what it needed to do. I'm okay moving on to the next stage.....but I guess today I wished for it not to be there...want to just feel 'okay' and in control of my life again. I really felt not ready for this rollercoaster of a ride that my body is beginning.

[BlueButterfly]

Something is coming soon, my body is screaming it! Getting up today was torture. I have not felt this drained in awhile. My heart is just pounding. Not fast but I can sure feel it. I just want to crawl back in bed. I luckily (or unfortunately) don't work anymore. The anxiety made it impossible, I had to quit. I hated that.
I am starting to want some unhealthy food. I haven't wanted that in awhile but pizza sure sounds good, a Coca-Cola would be great and some chocolate! Maybe I should just indulge. I need to see what I have around to make something sweet, chewy and bad for me.

Oh God, please help....today I feel like I'm dying or will if I have to keep going. My chest hurts but my heart sounds fine. I can breathe fine, my blood pressure, oxygen levels etc all fine. Yes sadly I have everything to check this stuff. I just want to feel okay today. I'm sick of crying because I feel so sad or just because. It's happened before. I've felt like this before ...I keep reminding myself that. Less than 24 hours to see the doctor but it's not fast enough. My body just feels so wrong in so many ways today.

[CLKD]

........ and breath!  Logic flies out the window doesn't  it  .........

Make a list to take to the appointment.

[BlueButterfly]

Yes breath.....I have the longest list. I am beyond convinced right now it is perimenopause. I am not due for a period for another week at least. I have been so moody and crying for a few days now. I have never had PMS like this. And the longer I'm off any hormones the worse things seem to be getting. I sure hope whatever labs he orders come back quickly! I'm also reading up on treatment options. I'd like to avoid a pill as much as possible because of my extreme fear of blood clots (still waiting for the blood test for clotting disorders, just because my father has had them). I really liked the testosterone cream...I could always tell when my body needed a bit more or bit less. Don't know if other hormones would work the same way though.

[CLKD]

HORMONES! 

[BlueButterfly]

HORMONES!!! 

Feel like I hit a small victory today! Doc went GREAT! Had vaginal ultrasound....fibroid about the same size, nothing he thinks needs to be worried about. (yay! Last gyn was trying to talk me into a hysterectomy over it  ) My ovaries are once again covered in cysts. They were not there 3 months ago before quitting the birth control pill. Had about 5-6 each ovary. Seems like a lot in 3 months even if they are from not ovulating.... I also MAY have a hormone producing cyst on one ovary. Go in tomorrow for blood tests....oestrogen, progesterone, testosterone, FSH, LH, Full thyroid panel and anti-body, Vit D and probably more I can't remember. Will meet with him next week to discuss what the tests show. Finally feel like I'm getting somewhere!

[Ladybt28]

  couldn't be more happy for you - who is he and can we all see him!

[BlueButterfly]

Oh I wish! I'm in the US but if you get desperate enough to come this way, I'd totally recommend him.  I'm beyond happy to finally be able to go to him again. He stopped accepting my insurance many years ago and I paid out of pocket as long as I could but eventually had to stop doing that and see others I was less than happy with. I don't want to do that ever again. But it worked out...it was long enough since I last saw him that I counted as a new patient again and only had to wait a couple weeks for an appointment instead of 4 months or more! 

Now just waiting for another week but I feel somewhat better...at least feeling like there is a light at the end of the tunnel right now.

[CLKD]

Could you offer up your menopause history as a 'thesis' for someone so that you don't pay and get seen by the same guy regularly? 

[BlueButterfly]

CLKD, luckily new insurance so I'm covered and don't have to pay out of pocket to see him anymore. But if I get the help I need from him, I'd rather pay for it instead of trying to find someone else again.

The next week can't come fast enough. Yesterday was a bad day. I ended up at urgent care as heart palpitations decided to come with nausea and some other nasty feelings that gave me quite a scare...I think the dizziness and feeling faint was the worst. (Not a food issue, I made sure to eat every 2-3 hours regularly) Heart is still great but the body and mind are losing it. I didn't really feel anxious but my body was screaming that I was.... according to him. I need to be back on some hormones, like now, so need to ring GYN today.

[CLKD]

It's awful when the physical symptoms take over!  ......... and breath.  Ups and downs can happen so quickly one doesn't know if 1 is riding a kite or flying a bike 

[BlueButterfly]

I cannot believe how much my hormones are up and down these days!! I didn't know they could change that much! I mean, before contraceptive and this mess I'm in now....I was a mess but it was a clockwork mess. I knew what I would feel every week, what day and also what week I would feel normal. I knew I was pregnant before a test could show I was. I mean, it was a mess of hormones but they followed a cycle.

Right now, I don't even know how I'll feel each hour!!

 I've felt like I was going to start my menstrual bleed for about 3-4 days now...but still nothing, just constantly feeling worse...and that wouldn't be the right time either...not that I'm even sure when that is supposed to be anyways with the mess my body has been this last month.

[jillydoll]

Good one, Bluebutterfly,
Please post and let us know how all the tests have gone.
I hope you can start to move on, and start feeling better soon.

All the best,
Jd xx

[BlueButterfly]

Not all tests back but I spoke with the nurse today at the GYN office...most things look normal but not everything is back and the doctor will tell me what the whole picture means...
But what I do know right now is my progesterone is low. I was tested as close to middle of luteal as I know so should be at its peak. I know that could cause problems. Just gotta get through to next week.