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[Jeepers]

Hello Everyone


I have always been an anxious person, and now I am struggling to cope, I don't feel like I can go on like this.

I have terrible heath anxiety and am convinced that I have DVT all the time.  The trigger was at Christmas, and even though I had a D-Dimer test, the thought that I have DVT is consuming me.  I would never be able to take HRT because of this fear. 

Last year was a really horrible year, I lost my Dad to Cancer very quickly, and at the time my palpitations were so bad, I thought I was going to die of heart failure every day.

I've got to the point where I cant eat anything with sugar or salt, I have to push myself to exercise loads every day, can't eat meat, of anythig with caffeine.
If I do, I will be punished  and die, and I will be leaving my kids and letting them down. And as I am divorced and they are at Uni, I feel so alone, and not safe at all.

I know this all sounds insane, and I wonder if I really am.  I have been to no more panic, and it can help a bit, but if I see other people posting their fears, it triggers mine all over again.

I just want it all to stop, so I can be the parent who is strong for my kids.  I am so,so tired.

I am so scared, but I can't tell anyone.

Sorry its a bit of a ramble

Physical symptoms
Pain in calf
Pain in joints
Palpitations
feeling like there is a bubbling in my veins
Itchy skin -- same spot every day
Sleep disturbances

thank you for reading, can anyone offer me any advice, or does anyone else feel like I do?

[Wendyshort]

My heart goes out to you, Jeepers. I'm new to this forum and only just realising the effect that menopause has had on me. I will let someone more experienced reply. Are you in the UK?

[Jeepers]

Hi Wendy

Thank you so much for replying, it has brought me to tears.

I know it all sounds unhinged, and it probably is.  I can't talk to anyone.  You would never know this was me, I have a very busy job with lots of responsibility in the IT sector.  I am fast descending into a strange OCD type behaviour.  The sight of bacon makes me panic (that would be funny if I weren't  in such despair)

Yes, I am in the UK

Thank you so, so much again

[Daisydot]

Hi ladies and welcome to the best forum on the planet.
The menopause is a nasty peice of work isn't it.Id say the majority of your worries and symptoms are as a result of hormonal problems but Im no expert.
Your irrational fears are all too rational to you and just about everyone one here myself included have been/still are there.
You need a starting point to try and get things more under YOUR control so could you maybe try a bit more on the meditation side if you say you find “no more panic” helps there's another good app called “calm” that I use maybe try that.
You could also write all this down in an email to dr currie who runs this forum and she will give you top class advice on what options are available to you.
I use transdermal hrt it's a gel that bypasses the liver etc so there's very little risk of dvt happening that's a normal fear to have your not alone in that respect.sometimes I used to swear my mind searched out symptoms to present to me to scare and wind me up it really is a battle of wits between you and your mind but you can stand up to it and you'll get stronger every day knowing you have a bit of support from the great ladies on here so don't be shy and alone keep posting and the more knowledgeable ladies will offer you support and advice.I will be eternally grateful to them.youve brought up 2 kids which is no mean feat as we all know they can be hard work lol so you are a strong lady your just having a blip right now and need some support.keep posting reading and learning it will get better if you point yourself in the right direction to get some support it is there for you.take care xx

[Wendyshort]

Hi Jeepers,

 I'm guessing that you are checking back and looking for advice.

I'm not really qualified to offer much but just wanted you to know that there are people out there who are thinking about you and feeling sympathetic.

I'm sure someone with more experience will be along soon.

[Dancinggirl]

Hi Jeepers and welcome to MM

You are going through a very tough time.
What are your periods like at the moment? Do you get flushes and night sweats?

What you are describing in your post sounds very like post traumatic stress. I believe you are suffering from grief and shock following your fathers death. I'm not surprised that Christmas was a trigger. My fathers death from cancer hit me about a year after he had died.
Please seek some professional help. Write down how you are feeling and take this to your GP - they should be able to help you.
Do keep posting - we are here to support you if we can. You are not alone. DG x

[Wendyshort]

Hello Jeepers,

Are you feeling any better today?

I think a visit to the doctor might be a good starting point.

I have been a confident and competent driver for many years and now have driving anxiety.

As I live in the middle of nowhere and my job involves driving at least a couple of times a week, it's a real nuisance.

I booked a refresher driving lesson, which had to be cancelled because of the snow. Booked a second and due to a road closure had to cancel again. Now booked again but have to wait for 10 days.

I have a good friend who is a driving instructor and have twice arranged to visit her to talk about it, but she is suffering from cancer and although she said that focusing on my relatively minor issue would be a welcome distraction, she has had to cancel twice as she's been too ill.

I suppose that has put things into perspective a bit, but anxiety is not easy to deal with, is it?

[Alicea]

Hi Jeepers,
Please don't feel alone with your unwelcome thoughts and feelings. I have been brought low in this way and I'm sure many others on here have been through hell as well. I agree that a visit to your doctor is the place to start. I know how real and all-consuming these feelings are, and I sincerely hope you get some relief.
Hugs! xxx

[Jeepers]

Hi

thank you all for taking the time to reply.  I don't feel quite so alone, so that's a step forward.

I have not had a period for over a year, so I guess I am post menopausal?  I am 55.  I have not had any night sweats ( I have never been a person who sweats much, even when exercising, clammy is as much as I can manage!), I have had the occasional hot flush, and I do prefer to sleep with the window open now. 

I do have a problem with bladder leakage though :-(, and was checking out the vSculpt on the shop page of this site.


Wendy, many years ago my sister had a driving phobia.  She did get over it eventually, although she never like to do motorway driving.  I hope you manage to get your driving mojo back, very frustrating about the cancelled lessons.

I am very reluctant to go the the GP.  Last year,when I went about my palpitations, he was less than sympathetic.  I tried to tell him about the extreme anxiety I was suffering, an d how I felt and his responses included: "HRT is for women who have hot flushes, not for your symptoms" and "Why are you so driven to exercise and work all the time, concentrate on looking after your father" . He seemed very irritated with me.  The last statement really upset me, because I was spending as much time as I could with my Dad, and taking him to all of his appointments.  But I wasn't there 24/7, I shared it with my other 3 sisters, and now I can't forgive myself.

I think a lot of the fears about my kids being left alone, is that I am the only stable parent they have.  Their father does nothing, contributes nothing, and was a feckless bully for the whole of our marriage. If I were to die, they would be at his mercy.  He is  a manipulative alcoholic, and I need to be there for them both.

I have just remembered something else.  I get sugar crashes sometimes.  Usually when I walk the 2.5 miles home from work, I start to feel shaky, clammy ad a bit light headed.  I recently had a health check, and my blood sugar level was 37, and it said the ideal was less than 47, so I don't think I am diabetic.  I don't smoke and I rarely drink alcohol, once or twice a year I might have a couple of ciders.

I am feeling a little better today, ironically, both of my legs ache muscles and joints (!), and I think it is unlikely that DVT hits both legs at the same time (or is that just crazy thinking again).  I went to yoga yesterday, and it was helpful, especially the lying down bit at the end! I was completely in the moment and able to keep my mind empty of anything outside of my instructors soothing  voice.  I definitely recommend it.


Thank you all so much, its such a relief to be here.   I will spend some time this afternoon reading other peoples stories, and hopefully it will 'normalise' (!) some of my strange thought patterns.

xx 

[Daisydot]

Good morning jeepers you have done well and already are rationalising things that have been happening to you.Your gp sounds a complete w..k..r so just assume he is lol.
I know what you mean about an alcoholic bully my father was with my mother but funny enough not with the children we accepted him warts and all and in his latter days he had dementia and it was us his children who took him in and looked after him for as long as we could till he basically got uncopeable for us and had to be put in a safe place,it's amazing how children cope and adapt so I wouldn't dwell on that if I were you.
Go to another go in your practice and ask to be referred to a gynue or menopause clinic at the very least you should be on treatment for VA as it sounds like your needing it.VA mimics urinary infections/problems and once you start on treatment for that the urinalysis problems very quickly disappear you just need to monitor your urine to ensure no infection so if your not sure get gp to send a sample to the lab,because of VA you'll nearly always have blood in your urine so don't let it alarm you but do get your samples checked anyway.keep up your yoga it'll do you the world of good and you will beat this you'll get plenty support on here just keep posting.take care and well done xx

[Dancinggirl]

Jeepers - I am appalled to hear your experience with your GP - so ‘out of order'.

You are clearly a very responsible, sensitive and caring person and like so many women, feel guilty at the drop of a hat.  YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.  You clearly care very deeply about your children but to be there for them you need to take care of yourself first and that does mean letting go of the unfounded guilt and anxiety. Like so many of us, and I definitely do this, you are over thinking everything. 
I have a son with special needs and I worry terribly about how things will be for him after I've gone.  I am trying to teach him everything I can to make him independent of me, so if you are worried about the influence of you husband, you need to help them to be independent of him - you can't protect them from everything.  If they can learn strategies of dealing with him and all the negative stuff that life throws at them, then you will worry less. I do hope that doesn't sound patronising - you sound very intelligent and sorted but I just think your are in such bad place right now you may not be thinking straight. If your husband in an alcoholic, then I think there is a charity that offers support for the families of alcoholics - I have a friend whose children had counselling and support from a charity - it may be connected to AA?? There is help out there - you and your children just have to ask for it.

It's great that you exercise well but do you do relaxation techniques?

Could you afford to have some counselling/CBT privately? I had a year of counselling which was very much CBT based and it was one of the best things I ever did.  This counselling really helped me through a very traumatic time in my life and the strategies I learned continue to help. You do need to find someone that you can trust and relate to well - so perhaps ask for some recommendations?

You might well benefit from some HRT - it's worth trying. If your GP is so insensitive I'm not surprised you don't want to go to him for help.  Is there another doctor at the GP practise you could see or maybe move to a different surgery, if there is one in your area? You may need to simply write everything down, state very clearly that you have done some good research on this site and you want to try HRT. If the GP won't prescribe, then ask for a referral.

A very good GP at my local practise recommended the book ‘ Mindfulness' by Mark Williams and Dr Danny Penman - I found this really good, so if you haven't looked into Mindfulness, then I do advice your try it.  Mindfulness is about training yourself to create that peaceful time, like you get at the end of your Yoga class, but several times a day - so whenever some anxiety emerges, you simply go into your Mindfulness mode.

Take care. DG x

[Bring me Sunshine]

My heart goes out to you too.

You are not alone and all that you feel is normal for what you are goling through.

When you read the entries on this forum you see that everyone has a story to tell and as bad as it is at this time, it really will get better with the proper help.

Please take the advice given above it is all good stuff that I can testify to, having battled for a referral to a menopause clinic (which was the best thing) as the gps, most of them, really are clueless.  Dr currie advice line for the £25 is invaluable and worth the price paid.

Grief is such a personal thing and different for everyone, it takes time and no wonder it has contributed to everything you are going through, be gentle with yourself.

You have actually given me some advice in respect of yoga.  I have never tried it. It always looked too relaxed and I always felt I should be doing something aerobic with my time at the gym.  What, however, I read here is that it is good not only for the body but for the mind.  Back in 1986 after my mum had died suddenly, I was all over the place with grief and I think depression set in then, but no one had ever really heard of it where I came from and no one had bereavement counscelling.  The dr at that time suggested I buy a book on yoga(nowhere did it them) i hadnt a clue what it was??   Needless to say reading it in a book did little for me.  It is good to talk and bereavement counscelling can be so good, for some.

You keep reading and posting here and you will get the feeling of a hug from afar that you dont want to end.

Hugs and smiles from across the miles xxx

[Emerald2017]

Hi! Meno makes our fears and anxieties more intense. I had a terrible fear of aging and death when I started menopause 6 months ago. That made me insane and very emotional.
 I didn't recognize myself, I wanted to give up my work and my self confidence was too low. I felt like a failure and completely lost.
My gyn putted me immediately on hrt due to my young age and the severity of my symptoms. After that I was thinking about breast cancer risks. I became obsessed with my health and finally I gave up.
I adjusted to the new reality and I try not to think too much.
It's important to accept that we cannot control everything and to do our best day to day! You are not alone! 🌹

[Samade]

Hi Jeepers,
A DVT wouldn't necessarily rule out HRT, I had a dvt and was allowed low dose transdermal hrt via my hospital consultant. Plus I didn't have hot flushes either. Far and away my worst symptoms were the mental aspects
X

[UpsDowns]

Hello Jeepers,

Hope you managed to see a different GP and you are right, this is such a supportive forum.  I've only just joined but managed to tell my husband about my issues with anxiety and depression (diagnosed over a year ago!) after receiving such support from these lovely ladies because I finally felt less alone and like there was some hope and I could see a very small light at the end of the tunnel, but a light none the less.  There is hope but you have to get help, but clearly your GP is less than sensitive, may be an idea to see another one or change practice. Not all GPs are the same, I went to see mine feeling like I was losing it and she was the one who said I was depressed, I dont think I'd still be here without her care, and you deserve good/sensitive care too.  Take care of yourself x