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[jaycee]

*CLKD* Thank you for your reply, sorry about the long silence, my son has got a lot of his problems sorted now
As for my relationship, i have no idea what is going on, i have had no contact since the day before he went to be marked,
His last words were "i probably wont see you much over summer but dont worry" not heard a thing since
I am fed up with how he is, so this is probably the end of it
He has continually promised we would go somewhere, do something, not string me along, and everything has just been the opposite
He really upset me at Christmas, as he said he didnt get me anything as i wasnt part of his family, strange attitude,but carried on talking about what HE was getting from his children, some box set or other
I feel as if i am worth nothing to him,
I dont know  much about him really, he  said  when i first met him he would tell me  someday why his marriage was a failure , when i asked after a long time,he said he didnt want to talk about his private life
I have read things about Narccisism, and am now convinced that is what he is,or a sociopath, there is definitely something not right, he has no conscience or empathy,
He kept telling me how generous he was ,and how he was always helping people, but his actions have proved the opposite
I still care about him, but i am not going to be treated like this any longer
I know when his treatment is over he will turn up as  if he has only been the day before.as he has done before after a long abcense
He just doesnt seem to care about anything,or anyone,he recently told his son he would never get married or have children if he could go back
I do feel his past has a lot to do with it
Apparently he was adopted.,but his [adopted] mother left him with his [adopted] father,whi didnt treat him well
I feel he holds it against all women somehow
So sorry for the long rant, there is more but i wont go into that just now

[CLKD]

What have you done in the intervening weeks to keep occupied?  Some men like to string partners along, it's a sense of control.  If he doesn't suffer from panic attacks which makes him unreliable, then I think you are well out of it.  Perhaps he doesn't feel able to give much with his history but that doesn't help you.

I don't think that this is narcissism as those people like a continual audience.  I would walk away and have a retort if he turns up.  'This is no longer convenient for me, I have lots of plans with family ' should suffice.  We don't have to justify our private life.

Glad that your son is improving his situation, maybe concentrate on issues closer to your home situation?  Fill your hours with stuff!

[jaycee]

Thanks again for your reply*  CLKD* I have kept busy, the anxiety has gone more or less as i was always wondering if he would turn up or not, have thought about him a lot, mainly puzzling out why he is like he is, wasnt so much upset about Christmas or birthday present, more because of the reason why?
To all outsiders he is a lovely man, he is very charming, and very sociable, always seems cheerful, speaks to everyone who passes his house, if he happens to be in his garden, especially if they have dogs,
There is something else which has bothered me a lot, but didnt really take it as being concerning him
He once asked me if i thought a relationship with a 16 year old girl and a 60 year old man would work,
Horrified really i said oh no that would be wrong,he looked puzzled, as if he didnt think so
Then said he liked small women, and liked how tiny i am, [just under 5ft,he is 5-9]
It didnt ring alarm bells at the time, because i didnt really think about it,
Since not seeing him i have thought a lot about things he said
I have kept busy, with my son, visiting him, and also i am decorating my kitchen,and gardening
Something else he said made me ask [jokingly] if he was under a curfew,he didnt answer
He insists he never lies, and gets quite annoyed if anyone thinks he does, but he does im sure as he contradicts himself a lot
Am i being paranoid do you think?
After mulling over everything, i dont think i could go back,
I sent him a message saying it was over
There is something not right,he doesnt think like most people

[CLKD]

I think that you are hearing alarm bells but not reacting to them.  Don't think about him as much?  Don't hinge on the perceived excitement of the whys because you will never be free of him, there will always be 'WTF' surrounding him.

If he pops up a "Hope that your treatment regime went well" is enough.  Make yourself busy!

[jaycee]

*CLKD* Yes i think you are right, it was so nice meeting someone i really took to, which doesnt happen often with me, even when i was younger,that i really wasnt listening properly then
I guess i have had time to really think about conversations and mull them over
He only lives around the corner from me so difficult to avoid, but i am not going that way with my dog now,as that was how i met him, sat in his garden, and taking his sons dog for a walk,he was always just behind me
Sorry for the offloading onto you,im sure you have more important things to do than reading about my failed love life
I did bump into his son last week, and he told me his dad was feeling tired and it had affected his bladder,and apparently his radiotherapy finishes on the 24th of this month,so i bet if he is feeling better he will be round here
I did end it once a few weeks ago, and he was round here within an hour,and said he didnt want it to end, so tried again

[CLKD]

You off-load.  Sometimes putting thoughts onto the paper makes issues clearer.  Out of the head and away ;-).

Don't consider this a 'failure'.  Every day is a Learning Curve.  This isn't someone you need in your Life.  He has lots of baggage.  No doubt he has stepped aside from most things due to undergoing treatment, I know I was totally focussed on appt. times and went to bed after each session. If I was late the Siamese would stand half-way up the stairs as if to say 'come on, it's cuddle time' 

Let it go.  Enjoy your 

[jaycee]

*CLKD* Thank you, im sure the treatment wont have helped his mood, hormone treatment i believe can have a bad effect, he can be lovely, which is the side i miss, but cant do with the underlying feelings i have that something isnt right,and maybe  he was too embarrassed to say he knew the effects of treatment could be bad,so said he was going to be busy, just cant understand the no contact
He is like 2 different people sometimes, its hard work  and confusing figuring him out,
Anyway>>>>>>>>>>>>>..

[CLKD]

Is there any rush to re-connect?

[jaycee]

Hi,* CLKD * not really sure what you mean? but no rush at all for anything , as far as im concerned its over, and i have told him, but im sure he will  still come here when he is feeling better, to explain his absence--like he did before--or make excuses

[CLKD]

Do you want to reconnect, if so have an answer ready ;-). 

[jaycee]

Ah i see what you mean, [i think] not the way i feel now no,
I would rather he stayed away altogether, then i wont be tempted, i still think a lot about him, and he is very persuasive,
He is one of those people you just cant help liking, as i said before everyone who meets him thinks hes a lovely man,  and he can be , and he has a very positive attitude to life, but doesnt trust people, hes very wary of letting anyone into his private life, but also doesnt seem to care about anything, kind of Que Sera Sera attitude
I have known him for 2 years now, and all i know is he had a very disturbed childhood, and something bad happened to him he said,but its very frustrating being told half a story,he did apologise once and said he didnt always say what was in his heart
When i first met him he seemed very shy and quiet on his own with me,
Most of the time he has been very nice to me and polite etc, and thoughtful, its just the thing at Christmas more than anything that upset me,like i didnt count,and now this silence
On the other hand i wonder if he feels hes getting in too deep and pulling away,
Hard to explain,but easier if i didnt see him,avoiding going near his house, his daughter and son are looking after him i think

[CLKD]

Not your sheep, not your Farm ;-).  If he has family ......... manipulators can be persuasive ........... 

[jaycee]

I know what you are saying, just keeping my distance now

[CLKD]

It does take practice to walk away from someone with a kind side.  However.   

[jaycee]

Meant to say,never heard that saying before, re,sheep/farm, ,i get what you meant though
Interesting,you have/had a Siamese,i had one,up until 2 years ago, the most loving affectionate cat ever , he was called Merlin,have just my Ragdolls now,and dog of course