Roseneath - hello, I'm so sorry to hear of your battle with anxiety. I've had a dreadful time of it too, with adrenaline/cortisol surges, over the top anxiety and, latterly, cyclical ‘madness' and anxiety which left me genuinely fearful, I felt so awful.
I just wanted to say that I take Prozac, and I don't think I will ever come off it. It's an SSRI which is motivating instead of sedating, and also seems to help my anxiety. I've got a thread on here somewhere with all the history...but I've been off and on Prozac for years for exactly the reasons you stated. I didn't like the idea of having to take a pill to feel normal - like I used to, and I hated the idea of having to take it for life. I looked at it as the enemy, instead of a friend. I know that sounds daft, but mental health issues run in my family, as diabetes does in others, and heart disease in others...and I've realised Prozac is just a med that I have to take in order to live a normal life. As diabetics take insulin, and heart problems need statins. The difference in me - off and on Prozac - is like night and day. Life and death. I'm not exaggerating....I don't think I would be here without it.
I'm not suggesting you try Prozac...it works for me, but citalopram (and ecitalopram) are newer SSRI's, and they all work the same....but in different ways!
But please, don't NOT take it for fear of taking it.
Sending you best wishes and hope you are ok
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