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[Hezzalady67!]

What I think of as "me" has totally disappeared after an early menopause in my early forties. I was always young and attractive looking for my age, but have now, in just a few years, put on two stone and got wrinkles, a sagging jaw and other ageing issues. Also, have had physical problems with kidney infections etc...

Who is that person in the mirror? How can my spouse, who met me when I was a young, cheerful woman just before this all started, possibly want to look at this? Let alone cope with the grumpiness.

I know what to do ( exercise, diet, friends, hobbies...) but just can't get motivated to do it! Not helped by a demanding job at which I also seem to be flagging! I know I should be grateful for a lot, just find it so hard. Just an offload. Guess I am not alone in this.

[Hezzalady67!]

Thanks for the reply. Diagnosed post-menopausal by blood tests in early forties, as periods stopped dead, then. Now in late forties.

Didn't get much help,at the time, but now have a good GP who is putting things in place. It took some quite bad illness to get us in touch, they couldn't believe I hadn't had more support or been offered HRT...Just working out how to either accept, or change, the new me!

[Annie0710]

You can get 'you' back ! It might not be the exact same you but those feelings of how you see yourself can come back.  I was so like you before and after.   Oestrogen helps so many women but for me adding in testosterone got 'me' back.  I've just got married to the man who had 2 good years of me and 5/6 horrendous ones, where I hated how I looked different, acted different, was a panicky shadow of who I was.  I've just come back off honeymoon where I felt sexy and attractive and have had a whale of a time

Don't give up hope, it's just finding the right ingredients and dose.

[Butterfly22]

Hi I can understand, it's like we have to fight harder to try and stay young, the top of my arms looks like a 60 year olds (I'm early 40's)
I use to do so much loved going out partying, meeting people these days I hide away.
I did change a lot like diet, gentle exercise ect and it will help it's just getting that first step.
Can you set yourself a task? Even just say right I'll go for a walk next week even if just fot 20 mins you will feel better! Book in for your hair or nails done, just be kind to yourself.
So are you on HRT xxx

Annie0710 I've never looked into testosterone, what benefits has it for us.? Xxx

[Annie0710]

For me it has improved:

Sexual response
Quite a bit of libido increase
Wellbeing
Energy
Low mood lifted
Hair better
Social anxiety greatly improved

In fact I've worked part time since peri hit me hard and I have a job interview lined up which means I'll be doing a 40 hr week.  Before I didn't have the energy (I still might not but the fact I'm going for it speaks volumes!), and I've got the confidence to potentially walk into a different office

[dangermouse]

The motivation is a huge part of this, or should I say the lack of motivation!

When your body is physically and mentally exhausted it's hard to muster up the energy and desire to do much at all.

You're still the same deep down and as Annie says, your man knows that. Once you find what works for you to get some energy back, you'll revert to being closer to how you were.

[Butterfly22]

For me it has improved:

Sexual response
Quite a bit of libido increase
Wellbeing
Energy
Low mood lifted
Hair better
Social anxiety greatly improved

In fact I've worked part time since peri hit me hard and I have a job interview lined up which means I'll be doing a 40 hr week.  Before I didn't have the energy (I still might not but the fact I'm going for it speaks volumes!), and I've got the confidence to potentially walk into a different office

Wow that's fantastic, so glad it's working for you xxx

[Hezzalady67!]

Thanks all, for your replies. I have been put on estradiol pessaries ( which I found difficult at first, but has become easier) and given density scans etc...I am considering whether full blown HRT is the way forward, but had severe migraines when on oral contraceptives, so not too sure whether to do it.

I definitely think I should set myself a target, Butterfly 98. Also love the pamper idea. I have never really had manicures etc... but it could be a good boost making the most of what I still have.

Annie 0710, that has given me hope...exactly the same, my man had two good years of a pretty, slim, young-looking, cheerful me but since then I don't know why he bothers! I hope my story turns out like yours. Thanks everyone.

[Butterfly22]

Sometimes little things can make you feel so much better, cook a nice healthy tea, have a walk, long soak in the bath ect, but I always have my nails done and makes so much difference as I can be having a day when I feel spotty, fat, look tired then I look at my lovely nails 😍
Small changes can make a big difference xxx

[Annie0710]

He proposed during my zero libido, panicky years and I asked him on honeymoon, why did he want to marry that meno me ? He said it's not just my physical being he fell in love with, and that sex was a bonus.  But he added he's loving having the new improved he, he said I'm better in his eyes than before peri hit.  I've got some youth back, my hair is looking better, I'm more radiant looking, still size 10 but wobbly bits but I don't actually care !

I was taking charge on some things on honeymoon, I'd never have got up and asked for something before, he was doing all the running around

Also, I do need to add.... this has taken from 45 to near 51 to find the best regime.  I've tried patches, pills, gel.  One patch gave me an almighty migraine so it just goes to show to gather your info, test and trial different regimes.   I'm now using 2.5 pumps of oestrogel and one pump Tostran (double strength) testosterone gel

[Butterfly22]

Ah Annie that's so lovely to here, I may ask about the testosterone gel next time I'm at the doctors.
I agree to keep notes as I can look back and see what side effects I got with what.
Xxx

[Annie0710]

Yes and weirdly delivery method makes a difference too as I was ok on elleste solo 2mg tablet for years but started symptoms again,  joined here and read how patch is better than tablet so got elleste solo patch and omg I was in A&E twice in 4 days not coping at all with the almighty migraine, couldn't lift my head and day 4 was sick (took patch off day 1/2) so just goes to show xx

[Butterfly22]

I remember you saying you had good years on elleste, that actually was one that gave me a migraine so had to stop, not like you had though that sounds horrendous, just goes to show though one is good for one and not for another xxx

[Annie0710]

Absolutely !
We can only give our experiences, but then they can give others ideas for things to try x

[Roseneath]

I found this thread really interesting. I too felt very low and got some good advice here to just put things in the diary. So that morning I got a pen and paper and almost in tears started to make a list  e.g. hair cut, ordered some new tops, had a Reiki  session, decided to make fruit smoothies every day, booked a restaurant, put a GP appointment in the diary.  All I wanted to do was go back to bed . Yes I did some of them and yes they do get you moving. But I am also not ruling out the AD / HRT approach as I don't want to feel so wretched for 10 day each month - it is a waste of life! I try to think what my 96 year old gran would advice me. Probably ' buck up and get on with it!. It a balance of being gentle with yourself but also needing a (gentle) kick up the bum to get on with it for the sake of our loved ones.