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[CLKD]

As an aside of 'looking for elderly relatives' thread -

When Dad was at home following discharge from Hospital he had to pay towards his carers due to his savings.  He should have had two attend in order to aid lifting when attending to personal care.  Twice a day.  Two people never arrived, so Mum, then aged 80/81 had to assist.  So he was paying for 2 ......

The carers would have their mobile phones switched on.  They would answer whilst attending to my Dad which meant that they were always 'behind'.  I would have told them to leave the 'phone in the car as Dad was paying for their attendance, Mum being a narcissist refused to take up my suggestion.   She wouldn't 'allow' me to insist that 2 carers attended or tell them to leave their 'phones outside of the house. [after Dad died she went on and on and ............. ]

Carers never arrived 'on time'.  This is a common problem across the 'care' system because these 'companies' take on too many clients for the high turnover of staff.  Many are not qualified, not even having a First Aid Certificate. Some haven't been taught to lift.  Mum often felt that they were 'sharp' in their attitude, this was probably due to being in a rush between clients.  Some let on that they were paid when they were with a client and not for time on the road! Insurance and CRB were never discussed.

Jump forwards 10+ years when Mum decided to have 'care' for personal attention.  She wouldn't pay a qualified person because the Company she choose 'was cheaper', she had been talking with people in the village  - non of whom had used this type of Service.  The owner interviewed Mum at home and they agreed days and times, which due to Mum being very busy, needed to be adhered to.  The first carer arrived with a pile of rubber gloves, plastic sheets and boxes of 'stuff' which were inappropriate for Mum's requirements and never used.  Eventually she came to the conclusion that her cupboard was being used as storage  .  Mum told me that she was paying for 30 mins. personal care but that she really required an hour.  [Would she ask for an hour, would she heck as like  ]

The girls arrived with their mobiles.  They arrived early, late or not at all.  The owner never phoned my Mum to let her know that she didn't have enough Staff so Mum would sit, sometimes for half the day, in her nightie.  Because she didn't 'employ' thsi company on her return from hospital [arrangements were made for free care by SS], the company ditched her - the excuse being that they had clients with more "pressing" needs.  Some of those won't be paying for care. 

Mum won't let me investigate having a private nurse/companion on an as-necssary basis, as advertised in The Lady for example; nor will she consider having AgeUK letting her know if there is someone in the area who could help.

So the things to watch for:

the constant contact in the client's property between carer and the company they work for which causes a conflict of interests

be aware that times of visits is wishy washy - understandable in bad weather or when there's a road obstruction, however!  one lady in her 90s had to get to the bathroom, the carer never arrived, she fell and died as a result .... Court Case pending 

security of money/jewellry/drugs etc. around the house - occasionally a carer is in the care sector in order to access these in the form of theft

confidentiality between clients - because of Mum's standing in her Community she knows many of the people who are visited by the carers and whilst the carers think it's 'news', in fact what she has been told about neighbours, friends, relatives has been out of order! talk about The Grapevine at work 

[CaroleM]

CLKD, I am saddened to read that your Mum has had such bad experiences of the care system, particularly in the private sector. It certainly causes you more stress, just when and where you least need or can deal with it. I totally understand where you are coming from, but can I explain my experience as my Mum's legal deputy.

Mum had a fall, spent 10 weeks in hospital, where she was also diagnosed with dementia. Before she came home I did the interviewing for a suitable care package. The company who got the contract asked me the one question I was waiting for. "WHO is Mum?" The others didn't come within a country mile of asking that.

The girls who came were kind to and considerate of Mum's feelings and needs. If there was an issue, they instantly rang their manager, who then contacted me. Should Mum's needs take longer than the allotted time, then it took longer. If Mum wanted to show them something, they took notice. Mum had 4 visits a day, none were ever missed. If needed they stayed with Mum until I could get there. They shared their family stories with her and appreciated her sense of humour.

On one occasion they got hold of me before the manager. Mum's nephew had decided to make his own care arrangements. When I got there, Mum was scared stiff and crying asking who these strangers were, one was actually disconnecting the light fitting in the lounge. I left Mum in the safe care of Jade whilst I sorted everything out. I was polite but quietly ice cold. Stephen's first reaction was to make Mum a cup of tea, which Jade made sure she drank.  Needless to say, said nephew didn't appreciate being put in his place. I also put a polite, very strongly worded complaint into the management of the 2 carers in attendance. In Jade's hearing, they told Mum to "Be a good girl and sit there".

By the time Mum had to go into full time care, both Mum and I had been treated with kindness, respect and decency. Thankfully she is totally self funded, which is a huge relief for me. I also received kindness from the Rapid Intervention Team, who made sure that, due to my own disabilities, the home selected as most suitable for Mum and also best for me being able to see Mum.

I know some people have bad experiences and that does sadden me. However, some are also amazing, and I just wanted to put the other side of the coin.

[CLKD]

Oh it wasn't the private sector as such but a company covering all kinds of 'care'  -  some clients pay, others don't: for exactly the same help!  A few of the girls were doing QVC so that they could move into larger Companies many of which are franchised.

'Jade' ? 

Thanks for your input.  A lot of the problem I face is that Mum has narcissistic personality disorder and gets angry if anyone makes suggestions as to how to improve matters.  If the issues were sorted she would have nowt to go on about  . 

I would like to see all care homes employing qualified staff including those with Nursing background: ideal for those at home etc.: as well as 'carers' who if they are interested in progressing, are given the opportunity of obtaining a QVC (?) .  That way once clients are in a home that they are comfy in they don't have to move when their needs become more extreme. 

[Mbrown001]

When you are choosing a home then a nursing home is probably the best bet as they will deal with everything. Easier said than done.
Maybe your mother could have her name down for the free personal care (do you get that in England).

My mother had four carers per day. Eventually it wasn't enough.....but.....when she was at home the majority of her carers were great. Ok sometimes they were a bit late but that was generally down to staying too long with the person before. Sometimes my mother was that person.
We eventually ended up paying for even more care to fill in when we couldn't be there and to do the extra washing that was needed.
To be honest it was a nightmare situation eventually. After ending up in hospital with pneumonia the desicion was made by the powers that be that my mother was no longer capable of being in her own home.

I know you find your mum a wee bit of a challenge CLKD but you stay a good few hours away, you hear from her once a week. Oh how I wish that had been me.
That's an awful thing to say really but my mother was difficult in the extreme .

Just do what you can and what you are comfortable with and be very glad that your mum is generally doing well for a woman of her age. Long may it last.

[CaroleM]

Sorry if I have upset or offended anyone.

Before Mum was due to leave hospital we had a case meeting, involving all departments and social services. Knowing Mum needed far more care than the NHS could reasonably supply, I said that I was in the best position to find a suitable provider. Thank goodness money is not an issue. (I have actually asked her which bank she robbed!) I was also very aware that if Mum decided she didn't like someone then problems would arise.  I did get Jen, the providing company's manger, to meet me at the hospital. That way, she met Mum prior to Mum leaving hospital. They liked each other right away.

Jade works for Jen's care providing company. A lovely young lady. She did give Jen a giggle via a phone call one day. Jade was on lunch shift and Mum said she fancied scrambled eggs. Jade opened the egg box and promptly rang Jen.  "Are these green eggs safe to use?" Jen explained that a couple of my hens lay greeny blue shelled eggs. Mum enjoyed her lunch and I had a good giggle when Jen told me what happened. The girls did the cleaning too.

The home Mum is in has both residential and nursing wings, which in my book is brilliant. Mum has had times when she's been difficult, but she wouldn't be Mum if she was all sweetness and light.

[Mbrown001]

Your mum sounds lovely CaroleM but unfortunately mine isn't.

My mother told me often that I "owed" her so we had to keep her at home as she wasn't going into a home. That was probably one of the nicer things she said 

She has a mostly funded place in a lovely nursing home that my sister and I chose.
She is not really in my life much anymore, but I have a clear conscience as I did the very best I could for her when she was at home. Just about killed me though and my sister hadn't been right for months and I put that down to being so worn out and worn down.

Oh and I'm sure you haven't offended anyone....well certainly not me   

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

I just wanted to add that my MIL had a self funded care package which worked well, she preferred some individuals to  others but that was to be expected. She is now in a nursing home and seems content.  I appreciate that there will always be difficult people who create problems but it's worth mentioning the success stories when they occur.

Take care ladies.

K.

[cubagirl]

My mum thought it our duty as children to look after her, not anyone else. She ended up in a care home. We had kids & lived too far away. So her house was sold & paid for her care.

Neighbour has someone come in 3 times a day. Her immediate neighbour checks in at about 9pm. She also has a daughter who comes at least once a week.

Another neighbour has someone comes in once a day. He gets regular meal deliveries too, which he obviously pays for himself. He's been on his own for a few years, but still manages to get out & about. His family are far flung, so not easy for them to pop in past.

I do think it depends on where you live & the package which is put in place.

[CaroleM]

Despite many a rocky road with each other, neither Mum nor I would say we owed each other.  Indeed, my situation is a bit odder than most I think.  I was adopted as a baby.  My adopted mother, Myra, died when I was very young, undiagnosed aneurythum.  Daddy remarried when I was 7. I have very vague memories of Myra.  I went to live with her sister and mother.  My 'grandmother' hated me.  She had one of those really old fashioned club headed walking sticks.  She took delight in swinging the club end at my head and making contact.  My Aunt caught her on more than one occasion, her reaction, who would care if I died. Daddy worked shifts and only had a long weekend once every 6 weeks.  He lived in Plymouth and I'd been moved to Hitchen.

So Mum is really my step Mum. It's taken us a very long time to make peace with each other.  Mum once said to me I wouldn't let her 'in'.  Simple reasoning by a child, everyone I loved left me, so if I kept her at a distance, when she too left me it wouldn't hurt and I wouldn't be surprised.  Well, she's been my Mum for 56 years, so I guess she's here to stay.

When she began to find herself loosing track of things, it was to me she turned and I was happy to stand firm for her.  She also was there for me when I needed her hand to hold. I'd never wanted to know what all my papers say.  However, Mum's eldest nephew's wife is adopted and she'd met her biological family etc.  She announced one day that I knew mine.  Yes, I was puzzled too.  Her next words sent the red flag straight up the flagpole. Apparently my papers would make ever such interesting reading.  Mum wanted to know why it was obvious, certainly to her, that I was furious.  I told her.  Next time I saw Mum, she'd brought down the box with all the family papers in, including my papers and her Will, which she told me to read.  The next thing I know is Mum has had a fall and is in hospital.  She asked for her Will, so I took it in.  At this point, she announced that it wasn't what she wanted.  I suggested I get her solicitor to come to the hospital and she could make any alterations to her Will as she wanted and at the same time, "How about power of attorney".  Her famous words were, "We'll do it when we get home".  Three days later, she was transferred to another hospital and dementia was diagnosed. This meant I had to go down the path of the Court of Protection.  What came as a horrible shock to me was the fact that Mum's closest living relatives, (younger brother, 2 nephews, 1 niece), all got a FULL COURT BUNDLE EACH.  This meant that they became aware of 2 things, (1) the contents of her current Will, which she doesn't want and (2) her financial position.  It came as a shock to me when I had to find all Mum's accounts that she is a wealthy lady.  Until Mum made it my business to know her financial dealings I would never have been rude enough to ask.  Mum was aware that her family had become pivvy to information she had no desire that they should know and she wasn't happy about it. She knew that it wasn't my fault that they now knew, she just wanted it to remain between us.

Before she was transferred to the 2nd hospital apparently she regaled the ladies of her ward with my life story one evening.  I discovered this when I got in and she was in physio.  To my total astonishment, she had told them that she was very proud and happy that I call her Mum.  Wow, that stopped me in my tracks.  Since then, we have told each other that we love each other and we are at peace with one another.  She'll be 95 in September, the only medication she's on is a calcium chew for her bones and all in all, she's pretty amazing. 

We are lucky, we have had, and taken, the time to put things right between us.  She's always played fair with me, despite the wars that it has taken to get us there. I realize that not everyone will ever be able to be so fortunate.

[CLKD]

Sad to see that a Private Care Home in Wales is to shut with 7 day's notice.  Where can one find appropriate care in such a short while, the Care Commission knew that there were problems: mainly with a shortage of Staff.  20 clients, 20 staff - probably isn't enough!  Mum keeps telling me that there is a shortage of staff where she is  .......... but morally surely relatives could have been warned that the Company was going into Liquidation and that new places need to be found.  Or put a Company in control?  There is a huge gap in the 'care' system across the UK 

Also - don't know why the above by CaroleM wasn't picked up: Copies of Wills are in the Public Domain these days. 

[Krystal]

Reputable private Care Homes and Care Companies ensure that their staff are trained to or hold a certificate in care, the most basic being NVQ Level 2. The NVQ is a National Vocation Qualification and is an official recognition that the person to whom the certificate has been awarded is competent in basic care needs. The NVQ can be increased to an NVQ Level 3 and 4. It is an on the job study in both practical and academic terms which could lead to entry to a nursing degree course.

The difficulty of getting good care for anyone in the community rumbles on. I went through all that with my mum 15 years ago and then no one really appreciated the problems. Social Worker treat everyone as happy clappy and lovey dovey but this does no one any good when you are the one with the loved one needing help.  I recognise not all Social Workers are not like this, it is just the one I met were. In the end I found Age Concern (Age UK) the most constructive help. This is a post code lottery for anyone.

My mum was self funding and had dementia refusing help left, right and centre. In the end I decided what help she was having in her home and she was happy to have people call daily to help her. Too many options of choice offered to a loved one needing help often becomes too much for them, so no is the answer. We all know the needs and likes of our loved one so whoever is deemed to be their main carer should make decisions for their loved one with a clear conscience. It is amazing how many relatives come crawling out of the woodwork when they hear or see money being spent on care. This is money that they feel is their inheritance.


CKLD I thnk you mistook a QVC for what was meant as an NVQ.


Anyone faced with decision of obtaining care for a loved one either ina private care home or through a private care company should consider asking what level of qualifications their care staff have and also read the CQC report on the company concerned. (CQC = Commision for Quality of Care this organisation assesses the standards of care nationally in hospital, GPs, nursing homes and community care.

[CLKD]

Nope.  Care Commission is responsible for every aspect of care across the UK.  The Qualifications you mention are being rolled out more often which should help, however, once girls [usually] get their certificates, they move to a Home where they will get paid more  .

Until Care in the Community is funded properly, there will be a gap.  Apparently where Mum is, the LA don't pay full wack for state funded clients ......... so every month there's a gap coming in which could be spent on a, b, c - the owners have been quite up front about how the Government is failing the care industry.    I was under the [wrong] impression that all state funded care was paid for by the Tax Payer so that there wouldn't be a gap .........

I don't think many appreciate the problems even now Krystal.  It's not discussed 'cos in general, our wrinklies don't want to consider going into care!  Many are of the generation where going into care meant the workhouse from which there was little escape, also they were separated from their loved ones.  Mum mentioned often "I won't be able to go a, b, c if I go into a Care Home".  She didn't understand that she would be able to go out and about with friends, go to Church, out with us .......... but she was so tired that she was 'ready' to go to the Home she initially choose.

[CLKD]

The privately-run Penisarwaen home, in Caernarfon, Gwynedd, currently has 20 residents and about 20 staff.

In May, Care Inspectorate Wales (CIW) designated it a "service of concern".


So now they decide to close the place  . 

[Tiddles]

Domiciliary care is a very tough job to do. There is never enough time allocated to each client, travel time between clients is unrealistic, the work is often physically challenging due to lack of equipment in the home environment. It's physically exhausting. Add to that rotating shifts which mean you often finish at 10pm, get home at 1030 and have to get up again at 530am the next day for your 7am first visit. Saturdays, Sundays, Christmas day, New Years day. Getting rest, sleep, eating well or planning anything including time with family is difficult.

Snow, torrential rain, blazing heat all make the whole thing harder. The pay is minimum wage, with seldom more than a half hour unpaid break during your shift Clients are often very ill and / or confused and / or angry and relatives are often at their wits end (Ive even had to deal with drunk relatives threatening me with a knife because oif their frustrations with the system) all of which has to be managed as sensitively as possible. Community services you should be able to access for additional support such as OTs or psychiatric nurses are sparse or non existent.

Training varies but more often than not it's inadequate. Compare the responsibility of walking into the home of someone at great and imminent risk of a heart attack, a seizure, a diabetic crisis, a dementia induced crisis eith that of someone whose job involves plonking themselves down in front of a computer screen all day. And then compare the respective remuneration.

The vast majority of care workers are very hard working, conscientious and empathetic. They are under paid and under valued. They have my respect and gratitude and in a better world they would be well trained and well paid and given the time and resources they need to do the job as well as they would like to.

[Pennyfarthing]

When my Mum lived at home by herself she had carers go in first thing in the morning to help her shower, dress etc. They were nice, friendly girls although one used to come in with soaking wet shoes and run all up the stairs leaving a wet trail.  We paid £18 an hour for that. 

Now she is in an excellent care home having spent 8 months in a home which let her down badly. We have had to sell her house to pay her care home bills (£800 a week).  Self funders subsidise those who are funded by social services by 43% and that is totally wrong.

We need an even playing field but I am not smart enough to work out how to do that.  It has made me look at life differently that is for sure because I know people my age who spend all their cash on booze and fags while I try to be careful and have some savings but after Mum's experience it really does make you think twice.