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[Tinkerbellj]

Anyome else feel like they r going to have to give up work? I currently. Work 19 hrs over two days but have just been informed that its changing amd being split over 3 days which means I have to arrange another days childcare. I am so stressed and just sitting here shaking at the thought of negotiating with my horrible boss.  I have no confidence at all and so anxious all the time  I dont recognise myself  I hate leaving the house at all and just cant afford to stop working. Sorry just needed a rant. this is pure hell. I want me back. I want to laugh again

[MicheleMaBelle]

 

I've got a stressful job TBell and I'm currently off. Lots of pressure, long hours, lots of travelling. Can't cope and not sure if I'll ever be up to it again. Can you just not stick to your guns and say 2 days or get a medical line from your doc saying that's all you can work? X

[Tinkerbellj]

I will see if he considers . my request but not holding my breath. I might even ask to drop to 16 hrs but I doubt he will he has already said if I dont like it he will terminate my contract.  I have serious anxiety leaving my children ages 5 and 2 as it is another day will wreck me. I was off 7 months ago for 5  months with pnd first time sick in 12 years. its really just the attitude that has really annoyed me. xxx

[Dee46]

Tinkerbell I have felt like I will have to give up work for about the last 18 months when all this anxiety started, I plod on though but think it is only a matter of time. That is quite a lot of hours over 2 days when you are going through meno &  have 2 young children you must be shattered, I stuggle & my children are in their 20's & don't need me anymore.I read on A Vogel website that we find we cannot cope at work & home & this is due to the drop in oestrogen, I am the same as you anxious at work & get panic attacks but my colleagues are all aware so know when I am having a bad day & know when I am a bit happier! (not that it is often now) , I also feel the same that I do not recognise myself & have turned into this scared person overnight, I also do not like leaviny the house much it is like my safe haven, it is pure hell & because people only see the outside they think all is ok but it is the inside that is destroying us, I fell the same as you so you are not alone

[MicheleMaBelle]

Oh you poor souls. Not sure if you work for small employers or large ones and what your contracts say. employers shouldn't ride roughshod over you but many will try and do so.
Firstly, you need to check your contracts and employers sick pay arrangements should you need to go off. Secondly, have a look at this.
https://www.som.org.uk/sites/som.org.uk/files/Guidance-on-menopause-and-the-workplace.pdf

And this
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/handle-menopause-workplace/

Fight your corner girls- go to citizens advice or employment lawyer ( your household insurance might cover this ) Don't take it lying down. none of us want to fight- we've got enough crap to deal with so maybe a gentle chat or giving them a copy of these docs/ articles, might make them think twice. Hope you get on ok x

[Dee46]

My manager, HR & colleagues are all well aware of what I am going through, I can get up from my desk anytime & go for a walk outside if I feel panicky & also say no to extra tasks if I feel I cannot cope, I can take full sick pay but I choose to carry on as I don't want to be at home & lose my independace but when I have a bad day I think to myself how much longer can I do this. I work with women & they all understand hormones!  Thank you for the links Michelemabelle

[Justjules]

Well, I work for a team of employment lawyers in a solicitors office and at my appraisal the other day, my boss, who knows I'm pretty unhappy at work and struggle with anxiety actually said "we are a young team and he doesn't want the team being brought down by any negativity"!!!! I'm just the old moaner in the corner  I could have just picked up my bag and left there and then. We've now gone from 4 secretaries to two of us....I work 4 full days and the other girl does 3. I could cry, I'm so tired and weary with it but hubby will be out of work soon as he found out last week that the company has been sold.....aaaaghhh, I don't think I can work like this for much longer. I'm 60 and done in!

I feel for you Tinkerbell  xx

[CLKD]

Tinkerbellj - check your Contract?

[Elliemay]

im self-employed, had to do this to work around anxiety but much of my work involves driving to unfamiliar places, never knowing what is expected so i often find myself almost frozen with fear on the drive there!

Justjules, I'm ready to stomp into your office and give them a piece of my mind.

You could mention that for a "young team", learning to accommodate very common health conditions that affect many employees of all ages is actually a very positive learning experience!  It could give them very valuable insight into what some of their clients are suffering at work when they take their bosses to court!

In fact, you are so overwhelmed with joy that you could be persuaded to provide an even more positive experience by offering them a seminar on anxiety at the reduced rate of £500.

[linfit]

im self-employed, had to do this to work around anxiety but much of my work involves driving to unfamiliar places, never knowing what is expected so i often find myself almost frozen with fear on the drive there!

Justjules, I'm ready to stomp into your office and give them a piece of my mind.

You could mention that for a "young team", learning to accommodate very common health conditions that affect many employees of all ages is actually a very positive learning experience!  It could give them very valuable insight into what some of their clients are suffering at work when they take their bosses to court!

In fact, you are so overwhelmed with joy that you could be persuaded to provide an even more positive experience by offering them a seminar on anxiety at the reduced rate of £500.

HI
I handed in my resignation last week. I am 53 and have worked for my local council for 29 years. I have been struggling with menopausal issues for  months, particularly VA and more recently anxiety. I have been off sick since january; I just couldn't function at work. I asked to access my pension on ill health which is being considered but my GP said it's unlikely. I can access it at 55 but that's a year away. The GP said the criteria includes a medic saying I won't get better before 65.

Anyway the crunch came when my manger and HR asked me to meet with them and said they were looking at terminating my contract due to attendance issues and me saying I am not fit to return. I thought, I can't deal with this stress. At this horrible stage of life everything seems to go wrong. My husband was made redundant last May and is retraining.

I am trying to see these things as positives, opportunities, chance for a new start. That doesn't mean I don't have a cry each day and that I don't look like crap or that I am not the person I was...it's just how I am trying to see things. I think plodding on and working under stress and in a difficult situation caused me to get ill, or at least made it worse.

Interesting from my point of view is, with so many women now in the work force, women living longer and more of us likely to be there and be menopausal, how are firms and employers going to deal with this.

I feel quite sad at ending my career as I have and it is a loss but I am trying to hang on to my mental health.
So I do understand all of you who feel work is hard and who feel unable to carry on.

[MicheleMaBelle]

Yeah- I'm the old negative moaner too Just Jules. And you'd think working for a team of employment lawyers they would be super careful. Have you looked at the links I posted. Maybe you should try giving your charming boss a copy?

It's a fact that we don't fire on all cylinders if we struggle with the menopausal and work related stress symptoms just add to this and make the problems worse. It's also sad that a lot of women feel that they need to leave or are sacked as a result. Some employers are becoming more enlightened but many aren't and I do believe also that the workplace is more stressful and competitive in a lot of cases. We have a lot to give but it can be very debilitating. We need to stand up and let our voices be heard. X

[Justjules]

Ha, thanks Elliemay for the offer - wish I could take you up on it! 

MM - yes, looked at your helpful links thanks.  It's sad because I sit here typing about similar scenarios and although employers are supposed to make allowances and try being helpful in these sorts of circumstances, they actually think people like us are a pain in the ass and just pay 'lip service' to anything they are supposed to be seen to be doing.  They have all sorts of ways to oust us out as let's face it, no company wants to carry somebody who is only really doing half a job most days.  It's ridiculous in that if we're now expected to work for so much longer, companies want young, vibrant, speedy on the technology employees, not us poor worn out menopausal anxiety suffering folk.  Where exactly do we 'oldies' fit in, in the workplace, unless we're filling up supermarket shelves (not belittling that, as I've done that in the past when the kids were little) or working in a cake shop a few hours a week!!!  They certainly don't want us in offices in case we spoil the 'team' pictures ha ha 

[Binbon2]

I am another of those ladies who was sacked because of menopausal symptoms (aged 45). I was on long term sick due to fatigue and insomnia. My job was a very stressful job, where tasks had to be done in a set time with no mistakes. Not compatible with no sleep. My employers were not at all supportive. The stress of the situation left me dealing with anxiety too. It is a bit of a vicious circle.

Tinkerbellj and Dee46 - I agree that juggling meno, kids and jobs is really tough. Hope you both manage to ride it out. It sounds like your work are being supportive though Dee46.

Michelemabelle - hope things work out for you too. Stressful jobs and meno is a difficult mix.

Justjules - sorry to hear about your unsupportive boss. It doesn't sound like you are getting an easy time at work. Sorry about your husband's job. issues. Is there no job for him once his company is sold?

Elliemay - I am now self employed too, and find it really does help when working around meno symptoms. I only do a few hours here and there, but at least I feel I am still contributing to the household coffers. I don't know how you cope with driving to unknown places. I never liked it that before the perimenopause struck!

Linfit - sorry to hear you felt you had to resign. I hope that you managed to get paid for your notice period? I know what you mean about not being the person you used to be and feeling sad at the loss of your career. I hope that your new start works out for you, and that your husband manages to get employment after retraining.

[MicheleMaBelle]

Yeah- Let's all kick ass!!!
With our sensible shoes on ( alas pointy stilettos are a thing of the past for me )

XXX to all you wonderful ladies

[peri]

I've just taken voluntary redundancy from my job at the council, primarily because I had lost my drive and enthusiasm for the job.  I feel very fortunate that I'm in a position to be able to take it.  However, I don't know if it was coincidence or not as many applied
but all those who got VR (with the exception of one male) were women over 50!!! It did make me wonder if there was a hidden agenda re women of a certain age.