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[CLKD]

How has today been Lynne888?

[Lynne888]

CLKD... I'e been OK, the thing is, I feel absolutely normal and at the moment I'm just doing the things I always do, go shopping, dog walking etc.  The problems start if I need treatment because it zaps the life out of you doesn't it?   People always look fine before they start treatment and then go down hill quickly for a while.  I haven't been thinking about quite so much (although the middle of the night is a real pain as I can't sleep and I go over everything in my mind - over and over and over.. ) I forget about it for a few hours and then it comes back to me and I have a real panic but I keep telling myself to worry about it when it happens.  On saying all of this, I  might well have myself dead and buried tomorrow! There is no continuity to it! Thanks for asking you lovely woman you xxx

[CLKD]

Your brain will be whizzing round, of course it will! 

Did you get a  in sunshine today?

[Lynne888]

No! It pee'd down all day!! A beach walk is not so lovely with sand blowing in your face!! 

[Cassie]

Mum was the same as Autumnlady's friend, she had an op to remove the bit that had turned cancerous, no bag after, they just did a kinda bypass and joined the 2 bits of her colon again, was home within a week and has never looked back.

[Lynne888]

Cassie, you make me feel a lot more positive thank you for being kind enough to try and put my mind at rests.

Teresa, I'm so pleased your chemo was successful.  33rd infusion? I had no idea it went on that long  I hope you are now cancer free and living life to the full xx

[CLKD]

Little steps.  Make a list to take to the appt. 

[coldethyl]

Cassie, you make me feel a lot more positive thank you for being kind enough to try and put my mind at rests.

Teresa, I'm so pleased your chemo was successful.  33rd infusion? I had no idea it went on that long  I hope you are now cancer free and living life to the full xx

it's a typo Lynn- panic not. I know Teresa only had the normal number which is around 6 or 8 for most cancer types as far as I can tell- my stoma nurse said it's usually about 26 weeks for bowel cancer which is bit longer than the one I am on for OC.
Everything you are feeling is normal for an abnormal situation- in the early days I was too numb to think but gradually I'd wake up in  middle of night and it would hit me or every morning was a bit like groundhog day as I'd wake up , stretch then think " oh hell I've cancer."
You do slowly find a new normal and it isn't always on your mind x

[Lynne888]

coldethyl, you describe everything I am feeling. I forget about it if I"m chatting to friends and then it comes back to me when they have gone.  I wake up fine and then a few seconds later I get this dread and think 'something major is wrong' and then it all comes flooding back to me - I have cancer. Its just awful. Then I have the nights I can't sleep at all and worry about the most ridiculous of things. Even being cremated  What the hell is wrong with me!!!!

[CLKD]

So that's the Service sorted then  - now get on with making that list and keeping in touch  .  Sorry, I can't remember when your next appt. might be scheduled for 

[coldethyl]

coldethyl, you describe everything I am feeling. I forget about it if I"m chatting to friends and then it comes back to me when they have gone.  I wake up fine and then a few seconds later I get this dread and think 'something major is wrong' and then it all comes flooding back to me - I have cancer. Its just awful. Then I have the nights I can't sleep at all and worry about the most ridiculous of things. Even being cremated  What the hell is wrong with me!!!!

There's nothing wrong with you - all those feelings anc thoughts are normal for someone given a life changing diagnosis - you'd be more abnormal if you weren't experiencing them tbh.  I remember my link nurse sling me if I thought I'd get better and I said I'd already picked my hymns- she gave me such a look and went on and on about being nowhere near that and I thought she just doesn't get it - how your mind instantly wants to make those leaps - sometimes going to the worst place is a form of self protection as if you are challenging yourself to see how you'll cope - keep posting - it does help to voice your fears x

[CLKD]

Also if the Service is sorted it can be put away until absolutely necessary! 

[Lynne888]

CLKD.. No appointment until the MRI date comes through.  Thought I'd answered you, I do apologise, it couldn't have posted!!

Things keeping me awake last night were:

Will I feel anything if I am cremated 
Will my husband re-marry and if he does will she be blooming well thinner than me  (I hate her already!)
Will she use my AGA - I mean, I have to draw the line somewhere, she can have my husband but I'll haunt her if she has my AGA 

[Menomale]

Ha ha, you will be ok Lynne 
Your have a fertile mind, start writing a book! The idea has crossed my mind... I'm on chapter one, not sure if it's going to be mystery, terror or suspense 

[CLKD]

You won't feel anything after you die.  The Spirit will have floated away ......  [long story short  ].
I don't worry about Himself re-marrying, I think he'll be too busy fishing, walking, photography, house-work 
We don't have an Aga to worry about ...... and as I don't cook it won't be an issue