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[CLKD]

It certainly does - only 12 months to go before the next one 

[2cats]

I can certainly relate to all your reactions to holidays!  However, I've just had 3 really great anxious-free days , so much so that yesterday my husband and I spent an hour or so looking up holidays in the Balearics!  Well, serves me right for being so ambitious - I've woken up today in a right state!  Crying, tightness in chest, feeling hopeless and a right bloody idiot for even thinking I could be capable of going on holiday abroad! 
Can't believe I am back to square one again.  To feel so 'normal' again, only to be back in a black hole is like a kick in the stomach.  I messed up the amount of propranolol I had left and so I am hoping that because I didn't take my normal amount yesterday (only about 50mg not 120mg), that this may be part of the cause.  I woke up after an hour and a half last night and spent most of the night worrying and feeling really peculiar.  Ended up taking 2 x 2.5mg valium in the night to get me through, plus the last 10mg of propranolol.  Didn't help knowing that it is really dangerous to just stop taking it.
Was at the chemist at 9am to pick up prescription.
Hopefully things will improve over the day for me.

[CLKD]

It isn't dangerous!  When my bowel is slow I stop all my meds for 24 hours, that loosens up any slow transit.  Then I began taking the next doses at night and I'm still here!

Oh I know so well the excitement of feeling well enough to think about booking a holiday!  Been there etc. etc.!!  I can do stuff in the evenings when relaxed, the next morning panic sets in  .  Why start looking abroad, maybe a couple of nights in a Hotel less than an hour's drive from home?  I get anxious if we are more than 5 hours away ......... 

[2cats]

So it's not just me CLKD!  Thank goodness.  Up until last Oct/Nov, I had been pretty stable for a while so we even got to France last year, though it was by ferry not plane..that's for another time!  Last 2/3 years, I've been happy to book weekends away in advance knowing that I was pretty likely to be OK.  Not now - I am back on a weekly rollercoaster of ups and downs.  I guess I'll wait for things to calm down again before being brave enough to book anything, otherwise that will give me something else to panic about.
To think of me yesterday, teaching, laughing and joking, enjoying my day to the crumpled mess I am this morning, completely mystifies and depresses me.

[CLKD]

I call it despair  ........ this is a woman who thought she would never set foot out of the house again  .  To someone who can get on most days without problems.  By chance I found that by adding 5mg of AD to my daily intake anxiety took a back seat  . 

I take 10mg at night and 5mg AD in the morning; 40mg Propranolol split a.m./p.m.; I have an emergency pill to take when anxiety over-takes me and knowing it works helps enormously.  The side effect is a muggy head but I can live with that! 

As long as I have my emergency pill to hand 'in case', I have a Life again ....... I still don't plan more than half a day ahead mind  .  Little steps.  I also find that when really anxious, that sticking to the household routine as well as making lists, eases it a bit.

[2cats]

Good to know that you have found a regime that works for you.  Is that quite a low dose of AD that you're taking  CLKD?

[CLKD]

Yep - 5mg at breakfast and 10mg at night.  A Psychiatrist advised over 20 years ago that because my depression is cyclic, I need a low maintenance dose for Life.

[2cats]

Cyclic as in connected to your menstrual cycle?  Do you mind me asking which one you take?  Sorry for all the questions.

[CLKD]

You ask away, it keeps my brain active ....... ish!

Cyclic not related to menstruation.  I would have severe depression, take prescribed medication, feel better, stop taking it then slip into depression: the Psychiatrist who visited at home as my GP was so concerned about my mental state, recognised the pattern, hence the advice.  (Escitalopram 5mg/10mg, Propranolol BB and Lorazapam as necessary)

[Yammy1]

CLKD, You're so right about the emergency pill. I had some zanax with me on holidays and when real panic set in half a tablet did the trick. 2cats so sorry to hear your not feeling too good, it's worse when you have a few good days and then hits like a ton of bricks  . I also use rescue remedy when I feel that all too familiar churning in my tummy start, and usually this cuts out the need for pills, not all the time but it does help a lot. I too have been feeling good since I got back from hols, even went out for a few drinks with hubby last night and i started talking about booking another trip, but he knows me too well, hence nothing booked. No more trips abroad for a while, maybe just short breaks not too far from home.