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[babyjane]

I am known for my over reaction to life events, it all stems from insecurity, anxiety and being brought up to believe I was responsible for bad things happening and therefore it is my responsibility to atone for them and keep everyone happy.

I am working on this but it ain't easy 

[CLKD]

I have a blo…y calm husband    who won't allow me to cause a riot when things to wrong 

[Ju Ju]

He'd get on with mine! But I don't want to be calm all the time!

[groundhog]

Yes sparkly,  I seem to be far better at dealing with other people's meltdowns.
Thank you all for your comments,  I'm obviously not alone.  I think most of my problems are down to crushing depression and anxiety so everything is magnified. 
The leak go put fixed,  the shopping delivered,  the massive car transporter thing reunited with its destination ( no idea what type it was Taz sorry ). 
I feel I have lost my way,  I dnt know what makes me happy any more so if I wake up to problems I just feel overwhelmed.  Absolutely nothing compared to what some are going through,  I'm aware of that.  I've just lost my mojo completely - I've forgotten the last time I felt excited or happy and it's bad as life is too short and I know I'm just wasting time. 

[Mandz]

Hey groundhog hope today is a better day for you?

I wonder if anybody has seen : black dog of depression on YouTube, it is only about 3mins long, but it helps explain depression xxx

[Mandz]

http://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc

I'm hoping this is the link xx

[Mandz]

Sorry ...when I was posting, there was other replies

Groundhog I'm struggling with depression and anxiety myself at moment and u can really empathise with you

Please please try not to put yourself down, you honestly can't help how you feel ......you would NEVER wish it on yourself and it doesn't happen over night, but you've been through a helluva lot so no wonder you've been knocked sideways

Sending you massive hugs xxx

[limpy]

I know I'm just wasting time.

You're not just wasting time at all.
You're just saying how it is for you.
I would have gone ap***t with the day you had yesterday.
Trust me that's not good 

[CLKD]

Firstly - how is your DH today? 

2ndly - I used to feel that drifting through my days was a waste but it was the way to healing.  Dozing on the settee. Ignoring housework etc.; I did pick up with regular medication and feel tons better. But I can't always deal with stuff, this morning I took a look at the clutter on our lounge floor and the list of stuff we had to do this morning and thought 'oh no!' .  Once I was up and at it though it didn't seem so bad, have pottered through the day with a break to meet friends in town.  Now on here planning the next move.

Breaking up the day can help, for me it's doing the chores i.e. emptying the bins out of the way that clears a lot of head space!

[Halfpint]

Groundhog...I felt quite tearful reading your reply. I felt like you do after my second child was born. I had a difficult birth and a long recovery. I felt like my husband didn't support me enough through any of it and it took me a long time to get over how he treated me during a year when I just felt like crap! I remember saying to a Community Midwife that I was worried I had Post Natal Depression and she said 'oh no, you won't get it, you've been through too much, it's people who have an easy time that get it'. Well I'm not sure she was correct about the type of person who gets it but even now years later when I look back at that time, even if it wasn't PND, I really feel like I was  depressed. I felt how you feel now. Also, that's when my Health Anxiety kicked in and has never left me and just seems to have got worse.
I think you are still on your road to recovery and it's going to take time to feel like you again but I'm thinking of you and know where you're coming from and how hard it is xx

[babyjane]

CLKD I get like that with meal planning and cooking, just get overwhelmed with what to have and what to cook.  Once the preparations are underway it often falls into place and my husband always clears up for me.  It is never as bad as I fear when faced with all the ingredients.

[Hurdity]

Some of the things that have been said on this thread are really sad and some quite shocking. I am lucky - I have no serious problems at all (at the moment fingers crossed!). There is nothing I can say to help except to give a  to all who are sad, damaged, upset or depressed.

Hurdity x

[groundhog]

Thanks again ladies.  Il did try and reply individually but I can't seem to concentrate properly,  please forgive me if I leave anyone out.
Mandz - thank you I will look at that link after I write this.  I don't feel better today,  I feel totally and utterly depressed . 
It has been a long road and the holes remain as you know.  Seeping and bleeding,  always there and always a reminder.  You may remember a few weeks ago I had a strange liver blood test result.  That seems to have now triggered a massive health anxiety.  One of the doctor said I could be the medication so I stopped the Prozac,  big mistake and I think that is causing this massive nosedive.  I have started taking them again.  I had hepatitis tests and they were all negative.  I am having a scan next Friday on my liver and gallbladder etc,  I'm dreading it as I can't seem to cope with anything.  I will also have general bloods redone,,again I'm nervous.
My whole life seems to be unraveling.  The foundations are breaking up beneath my feet.  My mother who despite her faults was the matriarch and she is now so unhappy in that home and my gut feeling is ladies she is not bad enough to be there.  I know I've said it before but I genuinely believe that so when I see her like I did today I feel sick with guilt and utter sadness that she sits there with her coat on waiting for me.  All this is contributing to this black dog which is crippling me at the moment.  I have no GP ( my surgery is under sort of special measures - massive shortage of GPs in Wales ),  I have no one I can really turn to,  my husband well what can I say.  Probably best I say nothing.
What a massive moany post and I know there are people reading this who will be thinking,  get a grip woman, grow up, man up , wise up - I say it to myself every day.
Going back to the original post I suppose this is why I cope so badly with everything,  any problem is magnified,  everything is an irritation.  What is happening to me.  I don't know. 

[Mandz]

Groundhog I really feel for you

Anyone that is saying any of that things like "get a grip etc" really need a wake up call, if it was as easy as that then I'm sure you, me and thousands of others would "just do that"......
I've said all that things to myself too, and in the evening when I'm calm I promise myself tomorrow will be different I'll get up and get cracking---- it doesn't happen!

In the weeks I've been off work I haven't been to see my mum and the guilt eats at me too

You have been through so much your body is probably telling you to slowwwwwww right down ........allow yourself to heal, you really need to, because the more you push forward the harder your getting slammed back.......slowly and gently

Hugs Mandz xxx

[Dulciana]

Groundhog, can anybody go with you to the hospital, next Friday?   
You seem to be going through a really rough time.   But you've told us all, and that's really important. We're thinking of you.  Keep us posted.