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[JuliaJ]

Hi all
I am new here so I hope I am doing it right. I am 46 and realised I was peri meno in 2013. Initial symptoms flushes and palpitations at night anxiety and low mood during the day. Periods still but nice and short. I had a spell on prempak-c but even though I felt good mentally I was getting migraines and feelings of lightheadedness. My consultant is trying me on Evorel 100 and Utrogestan. I have only just been able to get the Utrogestan so have had two months of just oestrogen. Day 5 of Utrogestan. Now I will get to the point, I am scared that the way I feel now will destroy all my relationships. Most importantly my husband and daughter, they don't deserve the "me" they have living with them. I cannot stop crying and or being afraid. I have withdrawn from them and feel isolated by what is happening. They are both amazing and I know how lucky I am to have them, they have put up with a lot! My daughter ( has seen mummy crying too much!
From reading this forum I know I am not alone but I don't know anyone personally who had this to know it is survivable. This is torture, 8 months of hell how many more to go, and how do I not lose everyone I love? 

[dazned]

 

Hopefully you will settle soon on your new regime ,it can take a while to adjust to. I find the moods are the hardest thing for hrt to combat but as you did ok on the other hrt apart from the headaches hopefully this will do the same eventually.

[BreadFruit]

Just be open and straight forward. Tell them what is going on.

Remember they are scared and worried about you too. I would send them to this site or similar website or buy them a book to inform them about menopause what it does to your body and the chemical changes also in the woman's brain etc.

Don't suffer alone. If they understand why you are like that at this particular time they can deal with it.

It will take a lot of weight off your shoulders once they are aware. Don't hide away!

If you are struggling with the HRT research some more and ask to see a specialist. General GP's don't know much about HRT.

[JuliaJ]

Thanks so much for replying,  my husband does know everything and came to the specialist with me and does a lot of research as well . It is taking its toll on him and he just wants me back, I used to be fun. I am a caring person and am at my happiest when I can do stuff for them and others cheesy I know but it's true. I don't want or need anything more in my life.So this is destroying me being the one always having to ask for help, but not knowing what help people can do to help!

[CLKD]

Oh your poor husband - not ! This isn't about him, it's about you 

Welcome.  Read here.  Make notes.  Give him the page that is written for husbands? preferably in a roll on his head!

He won't 'get you back'.  This time of Life is called "the change" for a reason ………. start delegating chores etc. arond the house for both your husband and daughter, let them help out a bit and take the pressure off you.  If you had 'flu they would muck in! You would ask for help surely 

 This isn't going to alter any time soon  ……… 'they have put up with a lot' well, that's how it is.  You as a Mum have 'put up with a lot' too  ……… maybe point out that this will take time to resolve even with treatment.

Get rid of any guilt you feel!  Menopause is a natural process as you will see when you browse round the Forum.   Make notes to take to your next appt..

In the mean time, take care of you.  Ask away!

[jedigirl]

Julia,
I feel for you. Eighteen months ago I was hit like a sledgehammer by menopause. My family felt like strangers to me, my anxiety and dread overwhelming, nausea , sweats , panic, palpitations, crying the lot. I couldn't see an end to it. I'm like you, a doer, I need to nurture people and don't like feeling helpless.
I told my kids my hormones were imbalanced like a chemical imbalance and it would take a while to recover and I would have times when i would cry, be sick, want to be alone etc but it wasn't them it was these wretched hormones, and I needed their understanding.
I have been on HRT for a 16 months now and things are much better now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I have a bad day now the kids will say "hormones Mum?" and they don't worry as much about it.
Please give yourself a break , you will feel better in time. Have you tried any ADs alongside your HRT? It might just help you to get your anxiety under control while the HRT stabilises. I know I couldn't have managed without mine.
Also if you have an Ipad or android device get yourself some guided meditations downloaded. You could do them with your daughter as a special time together. Believe me I have been where you are now and it's horrible but it will ease. Hugs xx

[Kathleen]

Hello JuliaJ and welcome to the forum.

I'm another menopause victim who has been where you are. I found that explaining to my family that I wasn't ill just going through a really distressing but natural process helped to reassure them. I referred to this forum a lot and often said that I was 'talking to the ladies' because I was feeling awful and needed advice.

HRT has allowed me to feel much better and more like my old self and I hope your regime soon helps you.

This time in our lives is survivable and things will get better, the ladies on this site are proof of that!

Wishing you well and keep posting.

K.

[JuliaJ]

Oh jedigirl thank you for your response it has given me some hope. i explain what I am going through to everyone I know, I don't care who knows but it is rare for someone to empathise, so thank you!
My daughter is 8 and I do my best to explain what is happening without scaring her I hope I haven't passed this gene on!. yes I am taking ads as well am on the max of sertraline 2 months now.
Thank you as well Kathleen, I will keep my fingers crossed.
I have to say one doctor who refused to give me hrt, said its a natural process you just have to get through it. Not helpful !

[Dorothy]

Hang in there - we are all going to survive this, and we may not be the same when we come out the other side, but we will still be us!

Don't worry about giving your daughter too much info - if she's only 8, she has puberty to worry about long before perimenopause!  But telling people that it is a natural process which makes you feel rough, but not an illness, is a good idea.  I ended up telling more people than I planned as some were worried I was seriously ill!  It tends to be more of a problem if you start earlier too as people aren't used to women in their 40s having meno symptoms so they are more likely to panic about your health!