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[GypsyRoseLee]

Thanks Briony. I do intend giving this new Pill a good try. Definitely 3 packs together, then see? I go back to my consultant near Xmas, and if Gedarel seems no better I am going to ask about mega high oestrogen and separate Utro.

After what you wrote about Microgynon/Regevidion being badly tolerated often, I've just had a very sobering thought. Years ago when I first met my husband I suddenly and inexplicably started 'suffering with my nerves' with nasty anxiety and bouts of very low mood. Then it would all magically disappear for a few days.

This started about 6-7 weeks after going on the Pill, and I'm pretty sure the brand was Microgynon! I 'suffered with my nerves' for about 18 months, on and off (but mainly very 'on'). At times the anxiety was crippling and I put my poor boyfriend (now DH) through Hell at times.

Then it all seemed to quickly taper off. And I'm not 100% sure but I think that around that time I came off the Pill for a while.

All these years I thought I had just suffered with my nerves because of the stress of university and exams. But actually I'm now wondering if it wasn't the Microgynon causing the symptoms, because they felt so similar to how I feel when anxious/depressed now.

The timing seems so coincidental?

[honeybun]

Maybe you are just over thinking which is very common during peri.

Perhaps.....although I'm sure your pill diary is helpful to others , it's not that helpful to you.

It's dwelling to my mind. Sometimes you just are better to get on and not try and analyse ever single symptom.
Keeping busy and occupied, which I'm sure you are, and not over thinking every single blip might be beneficial.
Let's be honest....who feels well every single day now. Certainly not me.....sometimes off in the morning and better later, sometimes energised in the morning and tired later.
You just have to get on with life no matter what it flings at you....but overthinking every single little thing focuses the mind on negative things.


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

I put down when my anxiety is bad - i.e. 1-5, 5 being really bad.  Although I have anxiety often prior to doing 'stuff' I tend to tick the calendar when it's bad in the mornings because I feel better as the day goes by 

[GypsyRoseLee]

But HB, this is far, far more than 'just feeling off' some days as opposed to others. If all I was dealing with was slight ups and downs then I certainly wouldn't bother noting them much. But the symptoms I experience are just so much more extreme and I can't just dismiss them and ignore them. Usually I do keep them at bay by keeping busy. But sometimes they're so intense that any mind of effort it pretty much beyond me.

Although every health professional I have ever spoken to about my symptoms thinks keeping a mood diary is an excellent idea.

I have a very analytical type of mind and what you term as 'dwelling' I term 'analysis'. Believe me, even if I didn't keep a mood diary I would still be mentally logging and dissecting my symptoms. I spent a long time at university being trained to use my brain this way, it's impossible to just not do it.

If I do check and find that I was taking Microgynon way back then I will actually find that incredibly reassuring because all these years it has really bothered me that I suddenly experienced a long stretch of anxiety etc for literally no logical reason.

I am happy to shoulder lots of the changes that going into midflecage can bring. I never expected or hoped to feel 25 forever. I am accepting of the aches and pains. I have got used to rarely sleeping through. I am used to rarely drinking coffee now, and avoiding anything too sugary after about 7pm.

But I'm not ready yet to just accept that for usually nearly half the month I just have to 'get on with' feeling so crippled with anxiety and feeling unable to even smile at my own children.

I will continue to analyse and experiment to see if I can connect at least some of the dots which hopefully might help me fine tune my medication or better adapt my lifestyle.

[honeybun]

I didn't mean to cause any offence at all, neither was I dismissing your symptoms.

I just think that the analysing every little point can be detrimental to your wellbeing.

I understand how it is to feel more than a bit off as I have suffered from anxiety for over three years and that began after I started HRT.
If I kept a diary then it would make pretty miserable reading.

I choose to get on whether I feel like it or not and many a time I have to paste a false smile on my face 

I have accepted that things have changed and I'm not able to get back to what I was before.
That's why I suggested trying to deal with things the way they are.


Honeybun
X

[GypsyRoseLee]

It's fine, I'm not offended at all. But I think very differently. I actually find a mood diary a real source if comfort because, aside from logging the bad times, it also logs the good times and the days when I feel my mood suddenly improved. And when I'm in a bad patch it really helps to see in black and white that I have felt exactly like this before, many times, but that each time I always bounce back.

[Hurdity]

Hy GypsyRoseLee

Just to say I am just like you - I also have an analytical mind from years of university and research so I completely understand where you are coming from re trying to work out what's going on! Unfortunately some of it is outside of your control but at least you are logging what you are taking and over the long term a picture should build up and what's even more important, it's a way of comparing how you feel now to what you were feeling before you started any treatment - and then you can really work out what's best - from your own perceptions at the time!

Also to add that the only time I was ever on the pill it was in my early 20's and it was Microgynon and made me feel terrible. I think I was on it for a year - I just remember being moody, tearful, irritable and low (unlike me!). I was completely back to normal when I stopped and changed to physical methods of contraception.

Incidentally ever since I've been on HRT I have been a nil-by-mouth gal (sorry if I've already said that elsewhere) and felt that the least side effects would be experienced by getting the most natural hormones into my system in the most natural possible way ie without going through digestion/liver and so that my body wouldn't have to deal with all the unwanted metabolites! I can see that in your case you are needing something more extreme at the moment ie preventing the fluctuations and I guess tablets are the only way to do this - although some have mentioned contraceptive patches, implants and rings? if you don't find a pill to suit maybe this is the way to go as being less likely to cause side effects (at least from having to take such a high dose?). I know nothing about this at all so just thinking aloud!

I'm like honeybun in that I've never experienced such crushing and extreme anxiety/depression/symptoms that I can barely function - just the usual ups and downs, worries and anxieties that many (?most) of us have to a greater or lesser extent.

Anyway hope it turns out to be good and you will be "bouncing" more of the time 

Hurdity x

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thank you for such a lovely post Hurdity 

Obviously different approaches work better for different people. Being an analytical control freak it really helps me to use a diary to chart patterns and symptoms. But once I have updated it, I don't dwell on it anymore that day. But, in retrospect it has often proved both informative and reassuring.

If it does turn out that I took Microgynon all those years ago at university, then it will solve a mystery that has niggled at me ever since! I had always loved university life, was doing very well in my studies and newly in love with my DH, so why did I suddenly start suffering with intense anxiety and bouts of low mood???

I can clearly remember the moment it started, I was crossing campus to meet DH on a cold but sunny Sunday morning, when I felt a horrible surge of anxiety from nowhere.

Anyway, thank you for your recommendation about differing methods for BCP absorption I will chat to my consultant in December.

I do appreciate it is difficult to understand how overwhelming extreme mood swings can be, and how debilitating they are. Two years ago I wouldn't have understood either. But the lows are so much worse than just 'feeling pretty fed up'. They really are. I have suffered with PMS all my life so am very familiar with feeling fed up and irritable once a month.

But my peri symptoms are a while other ball game entirely, much akin to what I had to deal with when I had severe PND years ago.

In a nutshell it is an utter lack of hope and joy, and all you feel is a wretched sense of doom and despair. Years ago I had a breast cancer scare. When my GP examined me and told me I needed an emergency clinic appointment I was immediately terrified and despairing. I left his surgery, came home and vomited through fear. I don't know if you can imagine what that feels like? But that awful sinking sensation of fear and despair is exactly the same as the hormonal anxiety and depression I get now.

So, it's really not something I can just shrug off with a 'can do' attitude, unfortunately. Believe if I could, I would.

But the flip side is that I also get lots of days when I feel really good and at peace with world.