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[Blueskye]

I am 53 and have always been a strong, confident person.  About 3 years ago I started what I thought was the menopause.  I had a few hot flushes and cystitis a couple of times but nothing to worry about - just a bit of a shock.  The symptoms disappeared and I had another couple of periods and then the symptoms returned and were a little worse and the periods stopped completely about 18 months ago..  I was with a partner at the time, but I finished it so am now single and have been for a couple of years.  During this time I had a cervical cancer scare which unbalanced me for a few months until I had the all clear earlier this year I need to be checked again in a year.  I have not been to the Drs about the meno but recently felt I was having some sort of a breakdown.  Feelings of real despair and tearful  in the mornings, tears a few times during the day - as in sobbing which is so unlike me and the last year I have not been out too much and have had aches and shakes and just felt I had lost my way in life a bit and felt really low at times.   My question is, compared to so many people whose stories I have read on here  I think I am (just about) coping OK without HRT or anti depressants.    Am I just being stupid not going to the GP to get myself checked out. I think I am just worried I will not be taken seriously (stiff upper lip and all that) although there is only one way to find out I suppose.    Reading this forum I think my symptoms are all connected and I am probably not having a breakdown or the start of clinical depression which was a real relief to read and if I am - then it sounds as if I could get help!  I left a job after 15 years, left my partner and I am now wondering if some of this was to do with the meno.  Too late to turn the clock back but your advice would really be appreciated.  I have never taken any medication for anything in my life apart from headache pills and the pill many years back so should I try and weather the storm or get help.  What does HRT actually do? 
I have never been married and never had any children and have no family or close friends to talk to.  Writing that last sentence down down I sound like a right freak.  Not quite the spinster of the parish but I was starting to worry that I would start taking in a lot of stray cats.              

[Dana]

You are not a freak at all. I'm 56 and I'm also single. I've had relationships, but I never felt the need to marry any of them. In fact men in general really bug me because most of the ones I've been involved with have been egotistical, self involved and boring. Obviously I just didn't meet the right one, and that doesn't bother me at all.

I have also never had any maternal urges to reproduce, and I have two cats, so I guess I'm the stereotypical "old scary spinster cat lady", but I certainly don't feel like that. In fact it annoys me that women with cats get that tag, yet women with dogs don't. I would say having cats allows you to be far more independent and outgoing than having dogs, because that's what cats are like and dogs just create work and responsibility that just ties you down.

I would say I've probably had a fuller life than a lot of married women with children/grandchildren because I've had the freedom to do lots of other things they haven't. I retired earlier this year, and after getting through that initial "what the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life" I am now very happy and busy. In fact I have started using that really annoying phrase "I don't know how I had time to go to work". I don't have any family to speak of (both parents are deceased and my brother and I aren't close). Most of my friends are also single (either by choice, or through divorce etc). Some have children and some don't. TBH I try to avoid the ones who are obsessed with talking about their children/grandchildren because the conversation always revolves around them, but most of my friends with children aren't like that and we have a lot of other things in common.

I totally understand that feeling like your life has totally changed. I have always been a strong independent person too, and I also went through a period when meno hit where I thought my whole life was falling apart. In fact it got so bad I actually considered suicide, although I honestly doubt I would have had the guts to do it.

Why don't you give HRT a try? You don't have to keep taking it if you don't want to, but it might make a difference to some of the things you are feeling. I don't think of HRT as "medication". I think of it as a supplement, much like Vitamin D or any other kind of supplement we may take to make out lives healthier or happier.

One final thing, if you are unhappy with some other areas of your life (no friends etc) only you can change that. Try joining some clubs or check out your local area to see if there are some coffee or social groups you can join. Try googling "Meetup.com". You may be surprised by the number of groups around your area. To make friends you have to be the one to make the first move.

[Hurdity]

Hi Blueskye

 

Lovely post Dana!

Just to add re the HRT and how you are feeling - from the time of the last period oestrogen levels decline until they reach a stable level approx two years later. Some women only begin to experience issues from low oestrogen at this point, or they worsen because of the decline in oestrogen. This could be what you are feeling especially if you have no other reason to feel low and tearful.

Unless you have other menopausal symptoms the doc may well prescribe ADs which I would want to resist if this is the case (ie no other reason for low mood). If you have flushes and sweats at all then you can start HRT, As Dana says it is not really medication if you use a bio-identical type ( or as near as possible) - ie oestrogen in the form of estradiol and "natural" progesterone. They are listed on this site.

The only thing is some women who start HRT when post-menopause are sensitive to the progestogens - which can also cause depressive symptoms which you take all the time ( ie no bleed) - but you can only try. Femoston is a good one to try and there is an ultra low dose to start off with. Alternatively there are patches - Femseven conti or Evorel conti.

http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/postmeno.php

If you do decide on this expect a bit of spotting in the first few months until your body gets used to the oestrogen.

Some women like myself don't like taking progestogens all the time so even at the ripe old age of 62 ( me!) continue with a cycle and have a bleed every 6-8 weeks. it's still worth it to feel good the rest of the time!

Good luck with it all and keep us posted.

Hurdity x 

PS even married women with children like cats !

[Blueskye]

Dear Dana and Hurdity.  Thank you both for taking the time to reply and both so comprehensive.  My comment about cats and being single and a certain age was seriously purely meant as a joke as I have been ribbed about it before.  I should have put a smiley face after it the comment.   I love cats, and who knows I may get one again which is impossible at the moment as one of my dogs is a lurcher and anything furry that moves quickly is not a good idea inside the house.    My two dogs are very tying and they do stop me being able to do a lot of things but I would not be without them.  You would not believe how a cuddle from them when I am feeling very low has helped me and I mean genuinely helped me.  Your comment about suicide also rang true for me.  How on earth did I ever go from Mrs Confident to not wanting to be around anymore still scares me.  Like you they were purely thoughts but I am still  shocked I even thought about it.  These thoughts are the ones that led me to believe something was seriously going wrong.

Dana, you sound very similar to me in so many ways especially the men thing.  I too met all the wrong ones and although I will never say never, I just have given up on finding the right one.  I am great at finding the wrong ones.   I do have friends but no one I can really talk to about the menopause.  That said, I have never really mentioned the subject.  I did to one friend and she just said she never had any symptoms and was very dismissive so I thought best not to mention it again.  Both of my parents are deceased and my sister lives in the US and I too am not close to my brother.   I also have worked from home for 15 years (until the last 18 months) so I never met people though work either. 

 Like you many of my friends are wrapped up in their children and now many with their grandchildren and I have to admit, very often that's all they can talk about.  It's just not my area of expertise nor can I talk about it for hours.  I had joined Meetup and Spice but the last few months I have been a bit of a recluse and had lack of time.  I started a new job which was meant to be part time or a filler in but is now almost full time now but that was never the intention.  I want to work for a charity but never gave myself the time to find out which one as this new job just took over my life.  I need to rethink it as I have not had a day off in about 14 months which is probably not helping my current situation either. 

 I made the step today to see the doctor and I have an appointment at 3.30pm so I will just be brave and tell him (or her) how I am feeling and see what they suggest.  I will then come and ask your advice if you do not mind.   I really, really do not want to take AD's.   I will do anything to avoid them although I appreciate it really helps some people.  I suppose I am mixed up about what I may be genuinely feeling due to what life has thrown at me and what may be being caused by the menopause or it may well be a combination of both..  I have hot flushes everyday and nights but nothing like what some of you poor women are experiencing so for those symptoms I will put up with them and be grateful and not moan.    I thank you again Hurdity (I will read through your comprehensive reply before I go tot the doctors) and Dana for replying - and apologies again for the cat comment.  As so many have rightly said on this forum it's nice to know we are not alone on this journey although I was starting to think this was one battle in life I was going to really struggle with alone.  Thank you. x

[groundhog]

Hello Blueskye and welcome to this amazing forum,  full of support and advice from a great group of ladies.
I am married but still feel lonely.  A year of massive stress ( if you are really bored see my thread about groundhogs op / then again if feeling down,  maybe not 😏).  I am 54 and feel my body is ruined.  My mind doesn't help as I feel worn out, and depressed.  I am in AD but not sure they do anything ( although I was worse when I tried stopping them).  They won't give me hrt as severe endometriosis is partly to blame for my bowel perforation and hrt could flare the endo up again ( different views on that one too ).
I just wanted to say hello,  keep posting and we can all help you through.
Xx

[Kathleen]

Hello Blueskye and welcome to the forum.

The effect of changing hormones never fails to amaze me and some of us are truly knocked off course by their power.

When I first saw my GP many treatments were suggested including counselling. I have sampled them all and I must say I have found having someone to talk to openly and in confidence very helpful so that may be something for you to consider.

Wishing you well and keep posting.

K. 

[CLKD]

Welcome!

HORMONES  ………. happily married but we decided to remain childless before we became engaged [long story short ;-)].  I took The Pill before opting to be sterilised after which I had PMT  so contacted NAPS.  Advice was given about eating every 3 hours to ease anxiety surges.  It certainly helped as did relaxation therapy for anxiety but I had to eventually have an emergency med.; plus with  a BetaBlocka at night and Anti-depressants I generally get through each day without too much trouble.

For a while we collected  s ………… so you'll be in Good Company 

Have a browse round.  We have a humerous room too ………  let us know how you get on this afternoon!

[Blueskye]

Thank you all and can I make a massive observation and I have no idea if this is just a pure coincidence.  I contacted this forum last night, wrote my rambling message and I woke up feeling much happier this morning and I slept all the way through the night which is very rare.  Like I said, maybe a coincidence.  I now feel a bit of a fraud going to the Drs today but I am going to go but going with a positive attitude.  I think it's a male doctor but as I was given an appointment same day I am going to go with no pre judgement as whether it would be better to see a woman or not.  Had I got an appointment last week I would have just been a crying, red eyed babbling mess.   Thank you CLKD, Kathleen and Groundhog for your support and comments.  It is clear that being able to talk to others really helps.  I am looking forward to reading more on here including your thread Groundhog and offering my support to others if I can.    Thank you again.  xx     

[Hurdity]

Hope all goes/went well at the doctors. Your change in mood may have been coincidence (a problem shared and all that) but glad it's improved anyway. The best thing is to keep a brief diary of how you are feeling and what you've done or taken/eaten to see if any pattern emerges. You're not a fraud at all if you had those feelings.

Also if you have flushes and sweats too that's bound to contribute to not feeling on top of the world!

Hey - no need to apologise for the cat comment - I knew it was a joke - and so was mine  ! We only have one at the moment but have had four and even five at some points in our lives. Not dogs though....

Let us know how you got on with the doc 

Hurdity x

[SadLynda]

Hi BlueSkye, just a welcome from me too, hope you have got on okay at the GP.  having said that, wonder if I did so badly last time as by the time I got the appointment I was not 'quite' as bad as I had been, sometimes think that maybe if they did 'see' the howling/rocking mess they might be more understand of just 'how' bad we can feel.

I have the husband and the dogs, have had cats in the past though.  One of my neighbours is married but has 9 cats, a dog, chinchilla's and fish.

[CLKD]

kettle is usually on - with  ;-) - we have a pets thread somewhere …….. I can add pond fish, visiting    s and wild birds ……. did have stick insects for a while ….

I find that when I feel poorly I can put my needs over more thoroughly with the GP otherwise I can't remember the symptoms    - so I take a list!

[Blueskye]

CLKD, I wish I had followed your advice and taken a list.  My doctor was a fairly young (late 20's)  and I got a bit tongue tied.  He didn't have a sense of humour either so it was slightly awkward to start with.   The end result is he was very good after my mumblings and he asking a few pertinent questions.  He is not sure what is happening but very knowledgeable.  He settled after about 10 mins chatting for me having a fasting blood test and then go from there.  He mentioned HRT or AD's early on and looked a little taken aback when I said I wanted to manage without either IF I could.  He said he would make sure if that is what I wanted he would find a way of managing my symptoms without them if he could.   He's given me a massive printout to read just so that I know what all the options are once the test results are back.  I had forgotten about the crash tiredness I had (now subsided) and the aching joints (also subsided) so he really was being very helpful and prompting me.  He said do the blood tests first just to rule out anything else and he ticked a few boxes to get them to check a few things.  I did get a bit choked up when speaking to him which I felt silly about but that passed too.  I am glad I went and not at all sorry I saw a male doctor who looked a little awkward to start with but was very professional.   Fasting Blood test is 5th October.  At least I know something is happening and maybe the results will give me somewhere to work from in deciding what to do next.   Thanks again everyone.  I am sure just chatting on here is really helping.     x

[CLKD]

Hopefully he will tick thyroid function test too.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Welcome Bluesky

I'm a little younger than you (45), but just like you, almost overnight, I went from being very self confident and outgoing to a blubbering mess scared at the thought of doing the school run!

I'd had a few warning signs that my body was changing (periods had become very light and closer together and I was getting weird joint pains) but paid little attention. It never occured to me I could possibly be menopausal as I'd not had any hot flushes and was still having periods.

Like you, I was terrified that I was having some sort of mental breakdown. I was battling waves of despair and dread. I was crippled with inexplicable anxiety. I began to suffer with insomnia which was such a horrible shock and so debilitating.

At that point I didn't realise my ovaries were failing, and that my hormone levels were massively fluctuating. Neither did I realise the close connection between oestrogen and serotonin (which is our 'feel good' chemical in our brains).

Everyone on here is so helpful and supportive. Please keep posting and let us know how you get on.

[Blueskye]

CLKD, yes he did!   In fact he ticked about 8 boxes but I could not see which ones.  GypsyRoseLee, thank you for your message.  I had absolutely NO idea how quickly the change was.  I have to admit that today is the best I have felt for a very long time. Perhaps, there really is a lot to be said for being able to share your feelings with other people.  The doctor kept asking if everything else was OK in my life and had to say, yes so my feelings of utter despair I think must be associated with the menopause.   Having a blood test for me is the right thing.  He did mention diabetes and then said I did not look like someone who would suffer from it but it was worth checking that too.  One of the other problems I have had for a while is putting off stuff I should be doing.  I seem to have a permanent mental block about things.  I use to love shopping, cannot go now - just for essentials.  I need to upgrade my mobile, I have been putting if off since May, I should have been filling in my tax return.  I cannot face it.  All these things I use to do in a heartbeat and now they just seem to be things I try and avoid.  I am setting myself daily goals, writing lists and breaking what seem like insurmountable tasks into smaller one and I am getting there. When I was feeling VERY low I even wrote my Will on line and then never printed it out.  I just knew I was in a bad place and I needed to get out.   I did a few on line tests to see if I was suffering from depression, and if these tests are to be believed, then I was certainly heading down that road.   I do  feel I have put the brakes on now. Whether that's temporary or not, only time will tell.  Perhaps my therapy to feeling better is partly being able to write this all down.