Toffee cushion, I too can tick each of your symptoms (plus a few more for good measure) and recall months of being convinced against all logic which screamed 'hormones' and instead determined I had some hidden disease or deficiency. I refused HRT initially and tried vitamins, Menopace etc. In fact, I ended up having too much of some vitamins which I discovered when I finally had my blood tested!
I eventually started Evorel 50 and was so scared of doing so. Took a while to work, but after a few months I felt so much better that I realised I did 'need' estrogen. I had a deficiency, as my doc put it, and it needed to be treated like any other deficiency (as I was at an age when my body still expected a high supply of it).
Since then, I've had ups and downs and have needed to up the dose, but have never experienced the hideous despair, exhaustion, dizziness and fear I had originally.
I know HRT isn't for everyone, and fully respect those who choose not to take it, but if you are suffering this much, it could be worth considering? After a few months, if things improve, at least you would be reassured it is your hormones causing problems, even if you decide not to take it long term? I felt that by going down the bio identical route, I was doing it in a more natural way which calmed me down.
Hope you feel better soon xx