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[Greenfields]

once you get the dose right for you then you will feel a lot better, I did but it wasn't very nice to start with.

I just saw my specialist this afternoon and he is happy for me to now use it on an as need basis and a dose that suits me.  Sounds like your dr is helpful too so good luck.  Hope you soon feel better.

Thanks.  I've felt so so low for most of the day - emotionally low and physically low as well.  It's my birthday too - so it just sucks.
I hope tomorrow is better.

[Limpy]

Happy Birthday Greenfields!

Things are going to get better.


   

[CLKD]

Feeling 'off' colour and having a birthday on the same day sucks: did you share with anyone?

[Greenfields]

Feeling 'off' colour and having a birthday on the same day sucks: did you share with anyone?

Well I sent an email to someone ... but that was about it.  Pretty well the worst day ever.

Feeling marginally better today - woke up 7am with heart jittery and racing. Meditated for half an hour then took 10mg beta blocker.  Heart calmed down a bit.  Feeling a bit more 'normal' as I write (10.55am).  Managed to make it to a pilates class at the sports centre this morning which also helped - very calming, and first exercise I've done in 3 days.  Off to see my therapist this afternoon.  Hoping I'll start to feel a bit more better as the week goes on.  I really wish the Dr hadn't dissuaded me from taking 10mg beta blockers to begin with ... I feel like I've lost a week being so ill - its been horrible.

[Greenfields]

Happy Birthday Greenfields!

Things are going to get better.


   

Thanks Limpy.  They've got to get better because I'm running out of the strength to go on ... it's so hard.

[Greenfields]

Just to say this is the second day of taking 10mg dose - I took one this morning on waking but felt shaky by lunchtime.  So I took another 10mg before lunch.  Am hoping this will see me to the end of the day - if I can manage on 20mg a day that would be half the dose I was taking.

The leaflet doesn't actually say how many hours one should space the doses apart but I'm hoping that having taken my first one at 7.30am and my next one at 12.10pm that that will be enough space between the two doses.

[CLKD]

How do you feel now?  I usually allow 4 hours between doses of anything that I take .......... take another at bed-time if necessary 

Any plans worrying you?

[Greenfields]

Feeling okay at the moment ... had some good news today - will post in the private forum when I get a chance.

[CLKD]

 

[Greenfields]

Just to say I've ended up taking 20mg a day first thing in the morning as 10mg didn't seem enough.

However the last few days I've felt so overwhelmed and not myself.  I don't know whether it's just the situation I'm in which I'm finding very stressful or whether it's some kind of effect from the medication (even though it's half the dose I was taking).  I find myself not wanting to get out of bed in the morning and have got up late (9/10am) which is not like me.  There's a sense that I just want to stay in bed because I feel safe there and i'm so scared of how my life has turned out and what the future holds.  Also feel far from positive and very unconfident.  I've even skipped exercise for 4 days.

I'm supposed to call the Dr today and let her know how I'm getting on ... which I am going to do.  Just wish I could figure out whether it's the medication or the stress of my situation or maybe even the weather ... it's been wet and cold recently.

I do think part of it is the realisation that I'm not well enough to return to Canada and start over and I'm absolutely terrified of how things are going to turn out with me staying in the UK - even though, on the housing front, things are going to be a bit better.

I'm guessing it takes a long time to get one's confidence back from having a breakdown?  I'm really scared about being able to do the p/t care job I got.  I'm supposed to do the 4 day training course in August ... I'm going to try and do it but I'm also really scared about how to make ends meet as well (although I guess anything coming in pay wise is better than living off my savings).  And I'm also not a particularly confident driver and the job involves driving to and from people's houses.  Also worried about the petrol costs and whether the pay I will get will cover those and give me some money spare.

Guess I could really use a hug ...

[honeybun]

 

You are really doing so well. Ok Canada is on the back burner for now....but not forever.
As for the job, I find if I'm occupied I don't have as much time to dwell on how I feel, either physically or mentally. You will be doing a very caring job and as well as helping the elderly you could well be helping you.

At least the housing situation is resolved which must be a great relief. Perhaps you are feeling the way you do now because that great weight has been lifted off your shoulders and your body is sagging with relief.

Keep plodding on and I'm sure there will be a very bright light at the end of this particular tunnel.

Don't forget we are all here to support you along the way.


Honeyb
X

[littleminnie]

  as HB said, Canada is only on hold for now. I would take Canada out of the equation for now, set yourself a date for later in the year (say 1 October) and see where you are at then.  I think you are trying to juggle too many things at once, Canada, now home, new job, your breakdown and medication.   
You can drive from house to house, taking it slowly, using a satnav, google maps or an A-Z. Plan your routes before you set off and you will be fine.  The more you do it the more confident you will become. You will be helping and talking to people which will do you good.
You have had a breakdown and survived. You have done exceptionally well.

[CLKD]

I agree with the above.  You are in limbo.  You have the job looming ……. I am the same about holidays  even if I want to go I have a sense of dread.

Are you able to go into the place you plan to work at for a chat?  To put the environment into perspective?  I am sure that if the Staff are kind enough they will sit you down with a cuppa and maybe tell you something of how the place is managed and staffed.  Could you go in and read to any of the residents until you go on your Course?  Find your feet a little before?

You are doing well!  It's in your face all the while so you don't get any relief, I am the same with the phobia.  Anticipation is the worst part of it all for me 

What did you tell your GP?

[Greenfields]

If I put Canada on the back burner, it means that I will probably lose the health benefits coverage and spousal support when it comes for review in Feb/March next year (unless I move back before then which, at the moment, seems very unlikely).

That's why it's hard to relax about it - in staying in the UK I'm kind of making a big financial decision too ... and it's very scary. But I'm really not up to returning to Canada at the moment and doing 2 or 3 p/t jobs to make ends meet.

CLKD - I'm going to people's homes - so it's not 1 location.

I'm going to see how I am in August when the training dates come around ... if I'm not fully 100% I might see if I can put off the training till Sept and my move has gone through.

I didn't phone the GP ... just feeling too low.  Think I'm going to try and go back to taking 1 10mg beta blocker dose in the morning and then another at lunch time and see whether that makes me feel any better.

Just been really really low the last few days ... scared of the financial implications, of being poor and how my life is going to turn out.

Did speak to an agency worker today and she encouraged me to look on the positive side ... so am trying.  Perhaps I will feel a bit better once I've moved into my new place - will see.

[CLKD]

You are in Limbo.  Not working so not mixing with people, I found that speaking with people caused an good adrenaline flow which lifted my mood.