I vaguely remember feeling really restless from about age 10, in fact I no longer wanted to play with my Best Friend, I seem to have out-grown her over a few weeks
- I hope that I was OK and didn't let her know.
I was surviving in a dysfunctional household, to a degree I'm still working my way through all that! and I felt I had to defend myself a lot in School. So I was quite mouthy ……… or absolutely quiet as a mouse. Then I fell in LOVE
and learnt to give and take and that arguments weren't necessary to get what I wanted ……. oh I could SHOUT for England - I had a temper that could melt cheese
From about age 11 I felt that I had to fit in: probably true down the Ages during our teens
: once I was married and moved away to a new job I felt I had to accept all the invitations etc. whether it be work or socially ……. = HUGE anxiety. It was how Life was then, in a new place, finding new friends, new work placement, fitting in. I was prone to depression and my phobia became worse.
We moved ………. so called friendships drifted as they were 5 hours drive away and getting on almost in a parallel Universe
so I was slow to make friends here. Some came and went, others stayed ………. but as I have said several times, when anxiety and depression hit many walked away. During this time I began to learn more about my temperament ……… I realised that I didn't have to tell family everything that we were doing or planning to do
……. that my medical history is between my GP/Surgeon/Me/DH
SO: by 1990 I decided that we didn't have to go to BarBQs, evening meals, have people back here …. at least I was finding out who I am. I now longer needed to justify what I was thinking, where I was going etc.; and now I don't take any c***
. I say what I think and don't accept invitations …….. a lot of the latter due to panic attacks and now I won't justify, a 'no' has to be enough
. I still shout sometimes but generally know what triggers the temper ……..
