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[Clueless]

I read this post and I can't tell you how much better it made me feel. When you have nobody to talk to about these things you think that it is just you, but now I have found this site I am glad to know that I am not the only one that feels like this. 

[valiantkate]

 >:(My husband says he doesn't need to know any of this- he already  knows- great .
Wish he did I feel like were drifting apart- cant talk to him and I have no family now ( except for my boys- no female family though)
Never have sex, he's stopped trrying and I don't know how to break down this barrier between us. God I'm fed up now. Val

[KatieOaks]

THANK YOU! I have laughed and cried reading this......laughed because you have to see the funny side of it all but cried because I am so grateful I realise I am not going mad!

I will be printing it off for my Husband too.

[jumpingju]

Dear Valiantkate........................ I feel for you as I'm in the same boat. I printed off the 'advice to husbands' yesterday and gave it to him along with yet another long long note of why things are sooooooooooo wrong between us.  I know now that a lot of the problems have been hormonal. I have finally stopped my periods this January and counting but the menopause has kicked in big time. I'm a wreck. I realise now that I haven't liked my husband for a long time but especially around period time. I go through this complete hatred of him and see all his faults and more!!! Poor bloke, but no not poor bloke because he should realise what a shit time I am having and there isn't a lot I can do about it!!! I'm the one not interested in sex. We used to have a good sex life but when I say there is a problem you would think I was going on about him and how he can't get it up!!! Men and their manhood huh?! Things have slowed down for him but come to a standstill for me. I'm just not interested which doesn't help with us growing apart. I'm so mad I could spit nails. I was so thrilled when my periods stopped because I've had migraines all my life and since I was 44 they came back with a vengeance suffice to say I haven't had much of a life with up to 5 migraines a week. Finally I haven't had a migraine every day for 2 weeks now but now the menopause. Will I ever get a break? I even burst into tears when the builder came the other day for payment. It was so embarrassing. He just gave me a cuddle and said there are worse people around, like him he said!!!! Blimey!! I have 2 girls 2 boys. I feel very old and redundant and I feel they patronise me like I'm a very old woman. But that could be just me. Anytime you want a chat I'm up for it. The trouble is with this memory lapse I think, oh yeh let's get on the menopause matters site and then I can't remember my password etc. I mean well though. It doesn't sound like your bloke would care if you did a copy of the advice for husbands but give it a try, leave it with his paperwork, you never know.  It makes me laugh that some blokes think you're having an affair if you're not interested in them. Oh yeh right, I'll just change my clothes for the fourth time before our date as I've soaked them all and I'm worrying about b o!! and I'll change my knicker pad cos he'll realise I wet myself now on a daily basis.....please get real why would we want to take on another man. I have my sense of humour today but it has been dragged out from the depths.  I'm thinking of you and hope that things improve x

[jumpingju]

Poppyrose you are wonderful!!! I've printed off advice for husbands and left it with him with a long note of how I'm feeling and that he doesn't understand and highlighted all the symptoms I'm getting - quite a few since my periods stopped January. HE LISTENED!!! He said why don't all couples get this copy I'm sure it would save lots of marriages - for the simple reason that it costs money and if any woman has a problem she has to do the research herself, present it to the doctor and go from there. Even reading the advice for husbands I had a good cry and realised how many symptoms I'm getting. I even feel sorry for myself!!! Thank you Poppyrose, you've saved a marriage on the brink!!! x

[valiantkate]

hi jumpingju-nice to know I'm not alone out there- things are still tense between OH and me- again, he thinks I may go off with someone elses- as if, God, sex is so painful that the thought of it is dreadful. Anyway, OH has just come in from work- must go before he reads this!!!! VK x

[tilly63]

I copied and pasted the advice for husbands. I sent it on an email to my other half. We have talked a lot about how I'm feeling and all the stuff that is going on in my 'meno world'! He's pretty clued up and has a lot of empathy for me/girls/ladies (he has five sisters) but I know he has read it and taken everything in. I added a little note to say that I understand he knows a lot about the symptoms, but there maybe something he isn't aware of and the article covered pretty much everything.

I've been pretty unwell for about 4 weeks with a bad back and some strange viral symtoms and he's taken off this week to look after me and my son. How sweet is that? A truly top bloke.

So....thanks so much for sharing this valuable information.

[jumpingju]

Hubby's gone away for a few days to give me a break and try to sort things out in our home!!!!! Things have got into such a state at home. I have no interest in anything and certainly don't want to clear up. My house looks like an oxfam shop! If only I could get my head together and give oxfam all this stuff! Had a rotten migraine the other day and thought 'oh no I must be about to have a period' and yes I am having a period after 5 months without. I could cry. I feel so awful. It's such a disappointment when I was thinking 'half way there and I'll be free of periods and therefore migraines'! I'm 54 soon and I'm fedup with being a woman!!!! I've seen my doc and can't go on HRT mainly because it would start the migraines up again but also my sister has had breast cancer. Any suggestions on what I could try as an alternative? The doc has told me what she thinks I should go on but for the life of me I can't remember what she said??? She has given me lots of info to look at but I find it hard to concentrate with no memory at all at the moment. Help me ladies. x

[anita vadhir]

I have just handed the lap top to my hubby to read advice for husbands tho I have to say the meno has brought out the best in him. He tells our friends "we" are having a menopause. He is patient understanding and so tolerent of which ever wife he comes home to of an evening, lets face it we never know !!! will the real Neeta please stand up  :sunny
even tho he seems to be the husband of the year, I have to take some credit cos I tell him whats going on.... years of therapy have helped me to realise that he is not a mind reader and its ok to say " i cant copeand everything is crap"
He may have it all under wraps but he found the post really helpful, after he finished laughing at the long list of symptoms and said is there anything left, beep beep you have it all !!
Seriously, talk to your hubby tell them what it feel like, give them a chance to understand before you throw the saucepan 
oh god i sound bossy, sorry girls> Its the menopause!!! gets me out of everything these days

[Dyan]

I have just read advise for husbands from poppy rose.The way I'm feeling at the moment this gave me a sense of relief. I think my husband is fed up with me talking about myself and how I'm feeling,although he says he's not. I have stopped talking about it to him.When he asked if I'm alright I just say yes.I am so confused about things and feel this is the end of the road.I'll print this info but I don't know if my husband would read it.I'll read it myself when I feel I need to feel good.

[two_sore_feet]

I;d print it off if I thought he would read it.

Same here.  I'll have to wait until a MAN explains to him about the menopause, then he'll believe it.

If I have a headache, he has a migraine.  When he has a cold, he takes to his bed for a day or two (yet can miraculously recover if a night at the pub is on offer).

Sadly, although he's a good provider and generous with money and we have a nice home, mine has no empathy and no sympathy.  When I'm genuinely too ill to move, he gets extremely angry with me and shouts at me.  "We've" now worked out that he takes all his stress out on me but he is still unable to control his rages.

There's no way he will react positively if I tell him I'm ageing, so I'm not going to.  Sex is the main problem as far as he's concerned: I feel under constant pressure to be like the women in his "movies".  He's never been into foreplay anyway, and now just says "well can I have some?" (seriously) even if I'm clearly unwell.

I'm so glad of this forum, being relatively young my friends think I'm faking it (I'm a youthful looking 41 - I got age-checked in Asda last year :p) but I feel like 81 inside

[Suzi Q]

Bloody Hell Two sore feet
Id be telling him to F off if Bobbles said to me can we have some
Im sorry your in such a state and have to hide things pretend everythings OK
As for him taking his stress out on you tell him to stop say Im not your verbal punchbag
Go yell at the people in work OR maybe he feels inad at work so he takes his anger and frustrations out on you?
Chin up love wish I could say it will go soon but it wont it does take a while
If sex hurts or uncomfy you CAN use Vagifem breast cancer or not taking the mini pill too will give you the extra boost

[Taz2]

Why are you still with him? Sorry to be blunt but that is the first thought that comes into my mind! At 41 you are still young - at 57 I feel much older to think about starting again - but you are still a young woman in the scheme of things. You deserve better.

Taz x 

[Taz2]

I think that we can comment Larky - that's what this forum is all about - but we can't give professional advice.

Taz x

[viv]

I do understand what Larky means....we do only get one side of the coin.

On a bad day I hate my OH with a passion that frightens me....but thats only on a bad day. The rest of the time we rub along well together.

If I post on a bad day you all would think I have the worse man in the world, and he is anything but.

We can sympathise and comment...but the only people who really know whats goes on in a marriage are the two people who are in it.

Honeyb
x