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Menopause Matters magazine ISSUE 75 out now. (Spring issue, March 2024)

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Author Topic: Advice for husbands  (Read 378046 times)

platte

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #30 on: January 28, 2010, 08:58:41 PM »


I had to leave work for medical reasons, (not related to menopause of course). My husband took over the bill payments, and money managing. A big relief!!! The problem now though is, he says I shouldn't have any stress in my life now, and should feel happy all the time. Yeah, in his dreams. I really feel like smiling when my face is bright red, and sweat is dripping down the back of my neck. That is especially fun when we out somewhere special, and by the time I get there, my beautiful new hairdo is now dripping with sweat, and plastered and stuck to my face. Or when I am dealing with yet another period from hell that I just finished having a few weeks ago. Or, well...... you know ladies, I could go on and on.

Have a good one ladies.

Platte

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Bckquine

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #31 on: March 21, 2010, 05:30:01 AM »

Thanks for all the good advice and the fantastic humour.  Am sitting here at 5.25am because I could not sleep and cannot belive I have been LOL!  One really amazing thing I have learned  from the list of symptoms was about the 'electric shocks' going off in your head.  I was having those quite regularly up until about a year ago and thought I was going mad and could not tell anyone ( as did not know what was happening myself) and know here it is in black and white!  It was real, it was happening! 

Think I will print off the article and show it to my partner and daughters so they can maybe begin to understand why their partner/mother is behaving so loopy!

Thanks, thanks, thanks :)
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Newtc

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #32 on: March 24, 2010, 03:37:42 PM »

Thanks for this, I saved a copy for my partner yesterday.  When I mentioned it to him, he asked what was in it and I told him it would be better for him to read it, to properly understand.  I was so pleased (and amazed) that he read it as soon as we got in from walking the dog last night (thought it would involve a few weeks of gentle reminders lol).  He was very quite and hasn't said a lot about it, but I think some lights have gone on and I think he's taken aback by just how many symptoms are linked to the menopause.  It really helped me too, there were some things in it I hadn't considered as being part of it.

 :thankyou:
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katrin

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #33 on: April 02, 2010, 04:51:00 PM »

last week i handed the print out to my partner who still has not read it as he hasnt had time- think hes got halfway thorugh- how long  does  take to read- took me 5 minutes.funny that theres time to watch football  on tv  this afternoon . i felt so  comforted  when I read it that my symptoms were all there in the list  so I thought he woudl be too and sympathetic.and also give him an understnading of somehtign  that he had no knowledge or experience of at all.so every time  I grump or cry or get hot or whatever else,  I say to him page 3 or page 2 -   read it  and you would   identify my symptomatic behaviour on the list! .he is a modern man still living in victorian times- and i am very hurt that he hasnt even attempted to understand.
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viv

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #34 on: April 02, 2010, 07:31:37 PM »

Dont be offended Katrin. He is a man and if he is like most of the others his empathy bone has been removed. Its not that they don't care, they do. They just don't want any details. My dear hubby makes sympathetic noises, and then moves on. He is yet to ask me how I am feeling today. Not even when I am sitting next to him holding a battery fan and dripping all over the floor. :(  ( Now on HRT)

I know he loves me, its just they are wired differently to us and they dont know how to cope. If I cry he hugs me but dont ask him to understand because he cant, not wont, just cant.
I think that this is why a forum like this is invaluable to us because we all understand and even if we dont have all the symptoms that others have we can empathise.

I think its a case of accepting what our men are like. There will be a few out there that get it, but just a few.

Viv
x
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rebecca

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #35 on: April 02, 2010, 07:42:14 PM »

Have to agree with you here VIV.
Hubby knows that Iam going through the menopause but does not want any info or discussion.
When I get emotional (and have alot recently) for instance: I was telling him about my brothers marital breakdown and got quite weepy - he just rolled his eyes and walked off  ::) ::) No consoling me at all !!

I guess he's one of those men who doesn't do emotions very well.

Rebecca  :) 
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Bckquine

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #36 on: April 02, 2010, 08:11:51 PM »

Have to say I must be one of the lucky ones, my partner read it straight away and when I asked him if I was showing any of the symptoms, he was like 'erm, yeh, just about all of them, lol'.  I have to say, he is being very good and patient thank goodness, not sure if I would be the same if the tables were turned  ;)!
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katrin

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #37 on: April 02, 2010, 08:26:16 PM »

thanks ladies-the old cliche men are from mars and women from venus ! i have had alot of emotional issues today with my daughter and men just seem to see everything in black and white and not  comprehend  our emotions at all-they just dont get  us sometimes  because  they are so very different-I think he  thinks I am from another planet sometimes.their  brains  dont function the same as us - we are multi layered and multi faceted -and that is our strength.So even with all this menopausal milarkey I am glad I am  of the female species!
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HR

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #38 on: April 03, 2010, 02:07:29 PM »

Hi all,

im am not a husband, but a daughter. my mum is clearly menopausa;.... and she is changing. my mum was loving,caring strong minded and an amazing mum.
she has recently retiered at the age of 48 and has alot of money to enjoy her self. she joned a gym as she was unhappy with her size 14 body.... 12 months on and she is size 0 she goes to the gym for 6 hours every day...mainly to socialise. she no longer wants to spend time with myself or my brother or my fater
and has decided she no longer loves my father... i suggested this was due to a stressfull business life, a  number of deaths and finaly menopause. i think
my mum is trying to escape. she says she has found someone else but the way she describes him he sounds exacly like my dad and my dad is the best  dad a daughter, son and wife could ever dream of. i feel hurt and angry and confus. i want to cause so much harm to this other man and i keep shouting at my mum. i love her so much but im so hurt for my dad. my mum wants my advice but obviously im biast.
will hormonal drugs work?
 should i leave her to be with this other man?
or is it escapsm ??

please help a loving daughter if u can

Thank You

HR
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Taz2

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 26649
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #39 on: April 03, 2010, 03:18:45 PM »

Dear HR - it is obviously a really tough time for you but your mum has given lots of herself over the years and, at this moment in time, she needs to find out who she really is. This doesn't mean that she has stopped loving you but, unfortunately, people do fall out of love with their partners sometimes. She will be feeling as confused as you are but you need to give her space and time to discover what she wants to do.

I have been in your mum's position and for many years I pushed my own thoughts and needs away. Finally, everything is now out in the open and my sons know what I have been going through and are really pleased for me but sad that for years I just did what was expected of me. They are grateful that I stayed within my marriage so that they had a really good upbringing and didn't have to choose between me and their dad but realise that it is now time for me to "fledge". I will always be there for them and there dad is a good dad and husband but, sadly, it is not what I now need from life. Even now it is very difficult for me to leave the family home to be with the person I love. You can't force your mum to love your dad again no matter what you do or say.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Sadly, unless your mum is depressed, I don't think that hormonal pills are the answer. Women often take HRT to make themselves feel better but it is obvious from your post that your mum has discovered a different side to herself. If you can, please give her your love and support. She will be in turmoil and split between following her heart and wanting to still be the mum you have always known.

If you want to post again you might like to start a topic under Private Lives as this is only accessible to members whereas this thread is able to be read by anyone on the internet.

Taz x
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katrin

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #40 on: April 03, 2010, 04:07:29 PM »

 HR-  -I agree with  everythign  Taz says. your mum probably feels  last  chance to reinvent herself and find some new experiences  because  menopause confronts you with  the feeling of a loss of femininity  with the aging proccess and loss of fertility- its very hard to bear and it has galvanised her into action! . so she may be going off on an emotional hormonal roller coaster or she may genuinely  have fallen out of love  with your dad.   I ended my marriage when  I  was only late 30,s    (so not   menopausal)  because I knew it was the wrong marriage for me.So maybe she now feels  this is  the time to  move on.but she doesnt want to lose your love and is seeking your approval which i believe  is wrong as your emotions are naturally torn- this is not how mothers who have  nurtured us  are supposed to behave! ..i  imagine oyu are  angry as well as upset.  I dont know your age but if you are teenage then you are very vulnerable  and I am sorry you are caught up  in the mess- it s not your role as daughter to give advice as to how she proceeds - thats  not  fair.  and you must try and encourage them to sort this themselves without involving you too much and  keep your loyalties to your parents  equal .I hope you have friends/relatives that can help you and support you through this- we are all here  as  wise women to offer our advice and support.
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HR

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #41 on: April 03, 2010, 04:30:10 PM »

thank you Katrin,
 i am 21 and belive my mum only feels this emotion due to hormones or lac of the love feeling from my dad. i now feel like the woman of the house... my mum plays out like a teenager and i am left to cook and clean
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katrin

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #42 on: April 03, 2010, 04:40:43 PM »

well could your dad do a bit more on the "love feeling front"?--or  is   it to late-     however  its not your role to tell him..it s not hormones that make you  leave a marriage-its  becasue you  dont want to be there. 
  its saturday night  and you are 21 - I hope  you are  going out to have some fun tonight not cooking and cleaning. . perhaps you should concentrate on your self as much aspossible and try and  not take this on your  shoulders too much.easier said than done I know.   
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Elisew

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #43 on: June 09, 2010, 07:54:23 PM »

After Taz2 replied to my 'newbie' posting and pointing me towards this post, I copied and pasted this into an email and sent it to hubby at work. Apparently he`d already found this on the Saturday morning whilst browsing for some info relating to 'my problem' i.e lack of interest in sex.  I have to say that if it`s this that made him stop and think for a change instead of being grumpy, stroppy and giving me a hard time on Sunday morning because he didn`t what he thought he might, then I`m soooo grateful and I really, really hope that it`s all sunk in and he`ll really begin to realise that it`s not something I can control, nor am I happy and content to be in the horrible state I`m in while experiencing the peri-menopausal stage of life.

I just wish there were more avenues available to gain advice and info on the issues that menopause can bring, not just for those of us who actually deal with the physical aspects but for those who have to deal with all of the emotional issues too.

Thanks for such a great site!!
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rachelr925

  • Guest
Re: Advice for husbands
« Reply #44 on: July 13, 2010, 11:02:15 AM »

Thank you very much for posting this! :D However, it isn't easy going through menopause... and it is even more difficult if your husband is going through andropause (male menopause) at the same time you are menopausal.. :( But he has finally admit that there is something wrong, it took him forever to do that. He's on his first week of bioidentical hormone therapy: if you dunno what that  is, read this http://testosterone-for-men.com/Hormone-Replacement-Therapy.php So far, nothing has changed but I'm waiting for developments soon..
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