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Author Topic: Medical dilemma  (Read 16098 times)

Ju Ju

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #30 on: January 16, 2014, 12:41:26 PM »

Hi groundhog,

If you feel a session with a life coach would be of benefit, you do not have to do this face to face. You can opt for telephone conversations. My husband works very successfully with people not just in this country, but internationally. Have a look at websites and get a feel. I am a great believer in gut instinct about people. When I opted to see a councillor, I looked at websites and got a good vibe from the web site. I worked with a life coach from the USA by telephone. He could 'see' a lot more by not being distracted by my expressions and gestures and really hear what I was saying. Both have made a huge difference to me. Best wishes, Ju Ju
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #31 on: January 16, 2014, 04:46:55 PM »

Firstly thank you Milly.  The fact you have had this done is very reassuring - I am a member of ia and have listened to their posts on the subject and yes it is helpful.  I think I need to sort my mind out first - that is becoming clear.  Mu negativity is not helping anything or anyone as obviously if I think the worse I am never going to have it done!
JuJu thanks again for your input.  Does your husband have a website I could look at?  Not sure if I should ask that here??  Maybe you could pm me if you think it's better?
I feel more positive today and once again thanks ladies xxx
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #32 on: January 16, 2014, 04:48:25 PM »

 :foryou:
Taken me long enough - but just found smileys!!
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milly

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #33 on: January 16, 2014, 05:04:45 PM »

Having a choice is always harder than not, but perhaps it is better to take elective surgery while you are well, and not as an emergency, with all the toxicity involved when ill.

This was my choice when the statistics of bowel cancer were presented...sometimes you just have to trust the expert. I have met people along the same path who have gone on to develop tumours, so I consider myself lucky that I was offered this surgery.

Just another thought, people who use forums like IA are in general seeking answers to problems...there are many more out there living perfectly normal lives without a rectum.
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #34 on: January 16, 2014, 08:11:10 PM »

Thanks Milly.  Not sure if you had chrons or UC but I have chrons and have been told the risk is about 30% but then again they are not sure!  Things are getting clearer in my mind and I know I have to do this.  I'm 54 this year and the older I get the more riskier the surgery.  If I leave it and something does happen - I will know I have had all this time to sort it out and didn't.  Of course I could leave it and be fine but no one knows.  Plus it's the ovarian problem as well. 
Talking has helped and I would like to thank you and everyone again for allowing me to do just that. :hug:
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CLKD

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #35 on: January 16, 2014, 08:14:47 PM »

I put off breast surgery for 3 months until my  depression was controlled with meds., I was more able to cope!
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

ann123

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #36 on: January 16, 2014, 10:43:01 PM »

Just had shoulder surgery, I know it's not the same thing, but I will not have surgery again unless it's life/death. So for me I wouldn't opt for surgery
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Ju Ju

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #37 on: January 17, 2014, 07:51:42 AM »

Hi groundhog,
Just sent you a pm. Ju Juxx
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #38 on: August 19, 2014, 01:10:58 PM »

Bumping this up sorry - having bad week again,  the medical dilemma weighs heavily on my mind again.  To have major surgery electively is so difficult - I worry about having the op and I worry about not having the op.  The meno has completely removed any decision making skills I had - I can't decide on anything anymore. 
So can I put the question to you again ladies -
Long standing health problems and surgeons have suggested hysterectomy and removsl of rectum.  Hysterectomy because I have a projection on my ovary which has been there for years but they don't know what it is.  Scans and MRI no long we reliable because of extensive surgery and scar tissue skews the results.  Rectum removal because of long term inflammation owing to chrons increases cancer risk.  I am currently well,  care for mother and sisters kids.  I am unhappy overweight and don't know which way to turn somedays.  This op has taken over my head - I could leave it but is there ever going to be a right time - my daughter gets married next year .  I just wish I could make a decision and stick to it.  In my negative meno head it feels like if I have the op I will be agreeing to have a car crash.  I've had lots of complications following surgery in the past but if was many years ago.  I have really good surgeons now but I am in BUPA wch I don't think I will be able to afford for much longer,  getting too expensive the older I get.
I know you have advised me before ladies so I understand if you don't wqnt to comment again.
Thanks ladies xxxx
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CLKD

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #39 on: August 19, 2014, 01:23:01 PM »

When did you last speak with your Surgeons?  How about an up-2-date consult, explain that your daughter is getting married and go from there.  I think that we have to be in the right place in our minds before surgery, certainly I postponed breast surgery from the feb. of that year until the June, by which time the ADs had kicked in so I dealt with the surgicial intervention, the unexpected results, treatment etc. differently to how I would have in the Feb..

If you elect for surgery once the wedding is over, you will have 'everything out of the way'.  If you have a longer recovery than expected, you will be more relaxed so that 'nature' can do her work, rather than trying to rush recovery in order to be at the wedding.   Remember too that surgical skills have improved even in the last 5 years.

Have that chat with your surgeon and let us know how you get on?   :foryou:
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

Taz2

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #40 on: August 19, 2014, 01:28:32 PM »

Hi groundhog - of course we don't mind commenting further on this. You are facing a really tough decision. Would it not be possible to just remove the ovary first of all rather than a complete hysterectomy?

Taz x  :hug:
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Rowan

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #41 on: August 19, 2014, 02:42:33 PM »

I have thought about this a lot groundhog and what I would do in your position, I think on the days I felt well I would hesitate.

On the other hand reading Milly's post about her rectum and ileostomy  op and her good recovery would give me confidence.

A hysterectomy with ovary removal does take time to recover from and then you have to cope with hormonal symptoms, though some ladies are lucky and don't have too bad a time with it and HRT helps. If only one ovary is causing concern, make sure you keep the other one.

It seems to me its the actual decision that is causing you problems, when and if you do, you must stick with the decision and go on from there.

Really only you can decide groundhog and its a tough one.

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Ju Ju

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #42 on: August 19, 2014, 02:52:20 PM »

Hi Groundhog,

I've just read your original post again. You set out your dilemma very clearly. One thing you stated was that your mum would have to go into a home, if you were unable to care for her. Would that be such a terrible thing? For her sake, as much as yours? You are such a loving caring person; looking after others is what you do. But are you using them to shield you from making this decision? What would you do if there was no one else to consider? Whichever decision you make brings risks, but making a decision will bring some kind of peace. Keep posting. It helps to clarify your thoughts, as well as gaining the perspective of others. Love Ju Ju xx
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #43 on: August 19, 2014, 03:53:14 PM »

Thanks for your understanding ladies. I'm very conscious of the fact I am lucky to have a choice over surgery but it makes it so hard.
CLKD - I last saw my surgeons in March - they said I could leave it for now and they will see me in December unless I can't cope with things. I thik my problem is I don't think i would recover so it's like having an op that will make me ill.  Taz - they won't just take ovary as every time a&e of us are opened up its risky plus both ovaries have cysts it's just that they know one is an endometrioma which is ok - the other one they are not sure although onthe basis it's been there for years is unlikely to be nasty.  But you know what surgeons are like - until it's out they won't comit.  Yes silver lady on the days I'm tearing around the place and feeling good I think ' I can't do it as what if I died, had heart attack blood clot blah blah,  my family couldn't even console themselves with ' she had no choice ' because I do.  But on days when I feel dog tired in pain and generally worn out,  I think ' let's just do this'.
hi Ju Ju - I'm more realistic about my mother now and finding it easier to say no and set boundaries although the situation still winds me up!  My mother is only 75 so I have to move on as she could live for 20 years!  By which time my life will be over - I am the one who has always been ill - her general health was great until the brain haemorrhage.  Plus as you say I think a home temporarily would be ok for her as she gets extremely bored.    If there was no one else to consider well I still don't know - somedays I am well and happy and me and hubby are having a laugh - we look at each other and I know he is thinking - don't do it.  But the feelings don't last.
But I do need to make a decision as I am driving myself and my husband slowly insane :(
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CLKD

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #44 on: August 19, 2014, 05:17:41 PM »

What does your husband suggest?  I think you should bring the appt. forwards, talking through again will clear your head a bit.  Talk to the Surgeon about the wedding etc.; if you have to undergo emergency surgery your body will be more shocked, worst scenario you may still not survive …….. however, if you talk to the family about your dilemma, what would they suggest?  You DESERVE the best health that you can get; none of us feels on top of the World every day but with your background, plus the bad times you had with recovery - if it were me I would go for it!


You may find that your Mum accepts a new 'home' and enjoys having others around. If you have an emergency she won't have much choice ……….
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!
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