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Author Topic: Medical dilemma  (Read 16099 times)

Milliemoo

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #15 on: January 07, 2014, 06:12:50 PM »

I echo HB, how on earth is your sister able to use you for childcare in such a cavalier fashion when you are so unwell?

Personally I would wait and see, major surgery is not something I'd rush into unless I had to.
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Rowan

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2014, 06:25:19 PM »

"Silver lady - I have had a second opinion and they feel the same but feel I will need the op one day.  They all want to avoid me having this surgery  as a emergency because god knows what would happen - it needs to be planned with surgeons who know the history"

groundhog I think you know in your heart of hearts what you should, you have really answered your own questions.

What you need is backing and support from your family, that is what your real problem and dilemma is, x
 
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2014, 07:26:55 PM »

Yes silver lady there is some truth in what you say.  At the moment I seem the only one with a stable life.  My mother is totally dependant on me (plus carers but it's no where near enough).  My sisters life is chaotic and she is looking for work so if I wasn't around it would have big implications there.  My daughter and her long term partner have split up so there is no stability there.  My husband and I seem to argue constantly,  he resents the situation with my mother - he knows it's not her fault and he is supportive but can see me getting worn out day in day out.  He is self employed and seems to work more now than ever as to be honest he doesn't like what my life has become.  Plus we can't have intimacy very often owing to flaming VA'!!!!!!!!!!  To risk a big not urgent op would put massive stress on everyone including me as I would hate to be sat here trying to recover with bedlam all around me.  The complications from surgery are worse than the surgery sometimes with bowel obstructions and infections.  I'm not saying it would happen but it has happened in the past and believe me it's awful. 
CLKD - yes sorry it is inflammatory arthritis linked to chrons disease.  There  is no guarantee having the rectum removed would relieve the arthritis though as chrons is systemic .
Must dash now - will spk later - thank you my lovelies xxxx
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Hurdity

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #18 on: January 07, 2014, 08:04:08 PM »

Hi groundhog - are you not able to have a biopsy of the lump on your ovaries through some sort of keyhole or minimally invasive method? It sounds like they want to take the ovaries out in case it is not benign but can't they find this out? Or is it that they want to remove the lump in case it becomes cancerous later on?

What you want is to be able to make the decision on the surgery for the right reasons rather than as a way to take a break from all the other very difficult issues in your life.

Hurdity x
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #19 on: January 07, 2014, 09:38:38 PM »

Yes Hurdity you are right - sometimes I think if I had the op everyone would have to cope and deal with the implications.  But my mother would probably have to go into care and I would hate that unless I had no choice.  Without the daily stimulation from us she regresses and becomes very subdued - she is only 74 you see so she is quite young.  But to have the op just to escape from my current life is madness.  I have asked about a biopsy but he won't do it.  He says if it is something pre cancerous he doesn't want to stick needles into it.  The analogy to my situation is similar to ladies who have the beasts cancer gene I suppose although the likelihood of them developing cancer is much higher.  Still horrendous decision to have such intrusive surgery for something that may never happen.  I suppose in my case there  is this projection on my ovary plus the rectum so they feel it's better out.  If sent win now really as if something did develop think how I will feel knowing I've had all this time to sort it out.  It's horrible and a real dilemma.  But thank you all so much it has really helped me today sharing this with you all xx
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Ju Ju

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2014, 07:49:10 AM »

Dear Groundhog,

I have been following your posts and have a few thoughts.

You are the most important person in this situation. You have done your research. You have most of the information that is known to help in your decision making. I suggest you have a session with either a good councillor or life coach. They will not advice you, but have skills to help you clarify your thoughts.

As to your family. Family dynamics can be very complicated. We all have a part to play. Are you really indispensable? Would things really fall apart? This may the opportunity for others to be forced to step into the breach, when you cannot. Is there a part of you that feels it needs to be in control? The fear of losing independence? Maybe being forced to take a step back, let go will be good for you? Good for your family?

To be able to look after your family, you have to look after yourself first. Think of the safety instructions given on aeroplanes. Put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others.

The other thought I had was that if you decided not to go ahead, and then you became ill, how would your family feel if they realised that you hadn't gone ahead because of your family situation? Would that be fair to them?

I write this as I have been forced to take a backward step in life for the past few months. I know my circumstances are different, but it has allowed my family to step up and for me to let go. I am learning that it doesn't matter that the house is untidy and my husband is learning how to use the vacumn cleaner, use the washing machine and cook for me!

I wish you all the best, Ju Juxx   
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lily

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #21 on: January 12, 2014, 08:15:18 PM »

Sorry, just catching up with this.  I would base the decision on how soon/how urgent the hysterectomy is.  If it's vital that you have it soon, then I do think you'd be best to have everything done at once.  It would be peace of mind for you and your husband and the rest of the family would just need to be able to manage without your help.  That might sound harsh, but you do need to put your own health first.
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CLKD

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #22 on: January 12, 2014, 09:31:09 PM »

If Social Services know that you require surgery they can find somewhere for your Mum or provide 'extra' care in her home.  That way no one seems rushed!
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #23 on: January 15, 2014, 10:00:27 PM »

Thanks again for your replies.
JuJu- I have had counselling in the past as reading my posts I do have issues :) .  There is a shortage in my area of such facilities but I did find it useful as my husband and I have reached stalemate on most topics.  I think the bottom line with whether I do or don't have the op is I am scared.  I have had over 30 ops some of which have been big and I have had complications.  But I had to have those big ops - they were life savers and were carried out when my chrons was raging.  But now I am well and so to have such a big op is so difficult.  No surgeon is going to tell me not to have it - they say it has to be my decision.
Thank you for allowing me to share this with you - it really helps xx
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CLKD

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #24 on: January 15, 2014, 10:14:52 PM »

What scares you the most?
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Dancinggirl

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #25 on: January 15, 2014, 10:56:55 PM »

As I said before, my sister has a very similar history to you and she is terrified of having any more procedures. Keep us posted about your progress.
Hopefully in the not too distant future you will get some breathing space from all the stress that surrounds you and you can get through the op and move forward with your life in a more positive way.
I wish you well. Lots of love DG x 
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #26 on: January 15, 2014, 11:42:02 PM »

CLKD - well it's a big op.  Hysterectomy on its own is quite big but removal of the rectum is also considered quite big -plus I can't imagine how it would feel which is daft know but ppl don't always have straightforward recoveries.  I then dread coming home and not being able to do anything .  If I have a straightforward recovery then great but I am terrified of bowel obstructions - ive had several and it's worse than giving birth.  Faecal vomiting and excruciating pain.  Of course this may not happen it I think I am so down ATM I can only see the negatives.  But I am equally scared of going for my routine surveillance and something nasty has developed since the last one!!  My husband and I aren't great - that doesn't help.  I don't really want to be dependant on him wheni recover. 
DG - yes I can understand how your sister feels and she has my sympathy - thank you for your kind words.
Xxx good night ladies xxx
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groundhog

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #27 on: January 15, 2014, 11:59:43 PM »

Lily - hello - the hysterectomy isn't urgent - they just don't know what this projection is until it's out.  It has been there for years tho so chances are it's fine but I think doctors don't like lumps on the ovaries - things change so the standard approach is it has to come out.  Once they open me up they would remove the rectum as it would be mad to leave it there as that too needs to come out one day.  Thank you for your response xxxx
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milly

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #28 on: January 16, 2014, 08:28:31 AM »

Groundhog,

I had my rectum out 11 years ago and an ileostomy .

Whilst I can vouch it is a big operation, I do know that the recovery these days is so much quicker, most people seem to be put on an enhanced recovery programme, which wasn't about when I had mine.

I was off work for 3 months, and went back on a phased return. Within 6 months I was flying to China and Russia for work.

You will get a lot of support from stoma nurses...and that will be ongoing, even 11 years later I can just pick the phone up if necessary, which I hardly ever need to do.

I can't advise on your other issues but I do know there is a very good life without a rectum..just alternative plumbing really!

I can recommend the IA forum for all your queries, many threads on there about whipping the rectum out.

Best wishes.
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CLKD

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Re: Medical dilemma
« Reply #29 on: January 16, 2014, 10:40:50 AM »

 :thankyou: Milly
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!
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