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[Suzyq]

Thanks clkd!

I am trying to remind myself of that but it is sooo hard to be patient! I don't know that I would have had the courage to do this though without the people on this site, so a big thank you to all and a very happy 2014 to everyone!!

[mags]

Hi Kathleen, I have just seen your post about having a bad Christmas day, and the one on this thread about cancelling family get togethers, I am just the same, so many times I have cancelled things and then thought, oh I should have gone.  I got myself in such a state about people coming over Christmas, even my close family, but it wasn't quite as bad as I had expected, and apart from  a few wobbles, it was ok.  Like you the emotional side of all this is the worst for me, and  never knowing how you are going to feel is terrible.    I never plan things now for that reason, and like you get in a panic if  I have something coming up- or if relatives want to visit etc.   We both sound very similar in our experiences, I too tried HRT last year, but it just seemed to make the anxiety/lowness worse, and now I am off it the flushes and weird adrenaline rushes , and sense of dread  that come before them have got worse.
The anticipatory anxiety is awful and I can sympathiz fully with how you feel. It is absolutely exhausting    Thinking of you, and big hugs, Magsxxxx

[mags]

  suziq- hoping things improve for you soon, thinking of you and sending lots of hugs your way :hug:xxx

[Kathleen]

Hello mags.
I agree that we do sound alike in that we are the same age and having similar menopausal experiences. My children are also grown up although at 24 and 21 I think they are younger than yours. I had a few not so bad days but now I'm back to feeling on edge all the time with palpitations etc. I just want it to end so that I can plan things for the future without the worry that I'll have to cancel events or soldier on feeling terrible.
At times like this I wonder if I should give HRT another go but I'm concerned that by the time I've given it a good try I might be nearing 60 and have to come off it anyway, so then I think maybe I can ride this out. The whole thing is exhausting and the uncertainty about the future adds to that. Utterly fed up with this and you have my sympathies on this horrible journey.
Wishing you well and take care.
K.

[mags]

Hi  Kathleen, my children are 33, 30, 25 and 23,  so yes  older than yours apart from Lucy my youngest.  It really is horrible to feel this way all the time, especially when it carries on for so long.      I really think that anxiety and depression when severe is the worst feeling ever, I have thought  about suicide  in my most desperate times as I just want respite from it. Do you still wake with the blind panic / anxiety and terror feeling, I do, and I hate it.  How long have you been having symptoms for?
My spells of anxiety/depression as you know were on and off for around eight yrs, with my cycles and carried on when my periods stopped, but then I would feel ok in between  This last yr it has been constant      
I  understand how you feel about HRT, I  would be reluctant to try it again. Have you considered increasing your AD?  It may just help,  you never know.    I am with you all the way in how you feel, it really is hell to go through,   and especially when you have a few better days, then wham it starts again.  Hoping that things improve for you soon and hang on in there!  Love Magsxxxx

[Kathleen]

Hello mags.
In answer to your question, yes I still wake with panic/adrenalin surges and mornings are my worst time. This all began really when my periods suddenly stopped three years ago. I noticed after a while that these horrible feelings would occur every two weeks, so I had two weeks respite, however from the end of last year they became more intense and constant and in May 2013 I tried HRT for about three months. I took Climesse but it didn't really help my anxiety and depression and made me more irritable so I have done without since. The anti-depressant I take is Venlafaxine but I'm not sure how much it helps. I also thought about ending it all as I felt I couldn't live with these horrible feelings.
I understand you are having CBT and I'm also having therapy/counselling to try and help cope I suppose. Also I know what you mean about feeling better ( I start to think yay, I've come out the other side) and then wham, back it all comes again.

When all this is over (and older women tell me that day does eventually come), we should award ourselves a medal.

Wishing you well and sending cyber hugs.
K.

[mags]

Hi Kathleen,  your symptoms do sound identical to mine, especially with them being constant  this last year.  Have you thought about going back to your GP to see if they could suggest anything else for you to try, or maybe ask to be referred to a menopause clinic?   
 I have decided that when all this is over I'm going to throw a huge party to celebrate, and give out
medals to all fellow sufferers, including you
Sending you lots of love and hugs, Magsxxxxx

[Suzyq]

Hi mags and Kathleen

Hope you're both feeling a bit better now the stress of Xmas is over.
My anxiety started exactly the same way - cyclical, every time I ovulated for 2 weeks. After 3 years finally established I had no progesterone so was put on that and it did help. Once estrogen ran out though was having pretty much constant anxiety, especially if I had plans and had to do something. It really is a terrible thing and completely changed my life but fighting my way out of it. On days when it's really bad I take a lorazepam, just to get a break from it, but haven't had one now for a while.

Still struggling on with hrt but with being in peri I suspect the few hormones I have left are still going mad.
Please invite me to your party mags - we will make it an all night one! We will get through this, I really believe it and just have to focus on the small victories every day. At one point I couldn't even get to the end of my street and now I force myself out every day for at least an hour. I'm sure you both have things that you can now do that you couldn't before, but it's so easy to focus on our failings, especially when we have a bad spell. My therapist is good at reminding me of my successes - 2 steps forward, 1 step back but we will get there in the end!
Wishing you both the very best in 2014

[mags]

Hi Suziq,  yes , am very relieved to say goodbye to Christmas, took the tree and decorations down today and  had a good clean up, so felt better afer that.   You will certainly be invited to my party,  no doubt about it,     how strange that your symptoms are like mine, cyclic and then constant, with me it is certainly lack of estrogen causing problems, especially after stopping HRT.
Hoping that you get some relief soon, and it's good that you are having conselling, I have my CBT  again next week.    We will get through this awful time and be stronger people for it
Lots of Love  and hugs, Magsxxxx

[Suzyq]

Yes my house is Xmas free now. Got rid of the tree on Saturday, was soooo happy to see the back of that! First day on my own at home after the holidays, so was totally freaking out at the thought of that, but so far ok - it's only 8.30 though so that may not last!  Back at gym now so that gives me something to focus on. How are you doing? Is the medication kicking in yet? The minus 30 weather we were having seems to have gone for now so it's a bit more pleasant to go outside which is great.

Hope you're having a good day

[mags]

Hi Suzyq, I am not feeling too bad now thanks,  have been to get my hair done  this morning so that has given me a boost.  I have my CBT appt tomorrow, so  am hoping it goes ok.
You have done well to get to the gymn,  I need to do something like that, I do a dance fitness class one evening a week , but haven't been for ages due to the anxiety etc,  so I must get back to doing it soon.

Minus 30 degrees is cooooold    You must be relieved that things have warmed up a bit ;   wishing you well, Love Magsxxx

[Suzyq]

Well I'm still on the fence about the estrogel. After a couple of good days at increased dose of 2 pumps, I am getting symptoms such as feeling warm, nausea, headaches and just a general blah feeling. Seems to take forever after I put it on for it to take any effect and even then it's not making me feel great. Had a consult with heather and saw my specialist and on both lots of advice have been given estradot as they feel it may be more even.  How long should I wait before I start to apply? Had estrogel at 7 this morning. Also have been given estradot 75. Is this roughly the same as 2 pumps of estrogel? Thanks for any help anyone can give
Susan

[Chaotic]

Oestrogel-I am off to read up!! Thanks ladies!

[Cassie]

Hi SuzyQ just something that you need to make sure of and I am only mentioning this as I was also using a compounded Progesterone @ one stage, but mine was very weak and did not bring on a bleed & my gynae advised me against it You need to have a bleed at least every 4 to 6 weeks if you are taking any form of Oestrogen, in order to keep your womblining thin, so just make sure that your compounded progesterone does this for you or you will have to switch to Utrogestan. I find the Utro gives me insomnia, so hopefully it does the same for you as you were worried about it putting you in a deep sleep, it doesnt do this @ all for me. It is still very early days with the gel, I would give it time, I have been on it for years, it seems to take a while to sort of build up in your system and reach a peak where the circulating levels are similiar to those that you had before meno, that is the ideal situation, so hang in on the 2 doses, I would give it at least 3 to 6 months and try to ride out any symptoms as it really is one of the more friendlier HRT's that you can have, all the best. x

[Suzyq]

Thanks Cassie
I'm trying to just hang on but it's hard!! I did actually change to prometrium (ultrogestan) to make sure I was getting the right amount of progesterone so I'm really hoping I get a bleed - just finished that part!  Am sticking to 2 pumps with a little bit extra in the afternoon, but my symptoms are all over the place and I was awake all night with dizziness again - this was one of my main symptoms when peri first started to hit.  I  will do well to get to work today ...