Siblings!
My brother-in-law has always been hostile towards me from the day I started going out with my husband and also to my daughter. He would 'blank' me even in our home. If he actually spoke to me, it was clear to everyone that it was a great effort for him to talk to someone so not worth bothering with. And no, I have not done anything to provoke him, just been too nice. He stormed out of our house into the sunset one day, never to return, because I politely asked him if he would mind removing his muddy shoes. He won't phone the house in case I answer. He demanded that I not go to their father's funeral, with whom I had a lovely relationship. My mum-in-law used to apologise for his behaviour. The only communication my husband has with him is by email. My husband now feels relief. He no longer has to 'step on broken glass'. Oh one of the criticisms of me is that I was not welcoming and that I did not have even my sister to stay. Seeing she died several years ago this would be rather difficult.
Sorry having a vent on your post, but there is a point. I think we colluded with his bad behaviour. We were too nice. We should have said we love you, but that is abusive behaviour. We want to enjoy your company, but cannot if you do not respect us.
And know you can't change or fix people. You can only change your behaviour. When people treat you badly it is not about you. It is about the 'bad place' they are operating from. I recently read about paranoid personality disorder. We decided they used my brother-in-law as a role model!
