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[Morwenna]

It's all about embracing the new us but, like you, I was rather fond of the old me! Which part of it is the most distressing for you Morwenna?

As for it taking over our lives my meno consultant said that although a forum such as this is brilliant we can become obsessed with the meno and let it colour all of what we are doing and saying. It is just part of life, as puberty was part of life, and we should, as much as possible, put it to the back of our minds and accept changes we can't alter while trying our best to get on with life. I probably haven't put that very well.

Taz x

I wouldn't say I'm distressed as such, more concerned at the way I'm having to keep my body going by using what feels to me to be 'artificial means'. Also, I can't put my finger on it but I just don't feel the same as I used to, that is physically and emotionally. I had no intention of using HRT before I started the menopause but lasted only a very short time before hot-footing it to the GP with a long list of horrible symptoms. While HRT has addressed most of those, one of the things that is causing a problem is the gradual ebbing away of my libido - it's beginning to affect my relationship and my partner thinks I'm 'going off him' - mens egos are very fragile after all! While I acknowledge this and try my best to 'keep going', tension in the bedroom is something I could really do without! 

I know what your menopause consultant means by becoming 'obsessed'. This is the second site I log into every day after checking Facebook! But I can relate to so many of the posts, it's like being a member of an exclusive club - and as so many other members have observed, the menopause is not a subject a lot of middle aged women feel comfortable discussing openly. So this forum is a useful outlet and huge source of information, something I feel lucky to be able to access 

Honeybun I agree with your comment regarding the aging process being inevitable but resent that it seems to be suddenly happening at a rate of knots!

[Taz2]

Failing libido is a problem for so many women. This is the part I feel most sad about too. I think the more sexdrive we have when we are younger then the harder we fall. I have friends who have hardly noticed the difference but then they were always only a couple of times a week type of women who sort of put up with it rather than actively suggesting it. I haven't found an answer but feel more comfortable now with the fact that this part of my life may be over having spent the last two years fighting to stay the same. It's not easy for our partners of course and during my late night chats in the pub (often the only woman in there) this subject does come up and men struggle to understand -  thinking it is their fault.

Taz x

[Rose]

It was interesting to read,  Taz 2 about becoming obsessed with the menopause. However the challenges we face at this stage of our lives does require that we can moan about it to fellow suffers as no one else wants to hear! I have learnt a lot from this site and felt 'heard' by women going through the same thing. I think we are brave, strong women who feel a little lost at times and this site helps us find our way through. I had a very high sex drive which made me make some wrong choices, so not being 'on the boil' so to speak, is quite refreshing. I just hate the pain from VA and the mood swings  Mind you, my daughters have mood swings with their periods and they moan constantly, so why can't I? Seriously, it's hard and I also wondered if by stopping HRT, how long would it take to get back to 'normal'. Silly me it won't happen. My doc's mother is 72 and my doc told me that when she suggested to her mum that she stop HRT, her mother replied; "Do that and you'll be responsible for me killing your father". enough said.

[Taz2]

Me too with the sex drive thing although after a couple of years without it now I would quite like it back and enjoy making a few odd choices.  Sophocles put it so well when he likened losing his sex drive to "being unchained from a lunatic".

After stopping HRT it is advised that if symptoms return it takes around three months for them to reach their peak and then another three to six months to even out again. I will try to chart my progess and see if they are right!!

By being obsessed I think my doc meant that it is easy to blame everything onto meno. We may have a run of headaches - down to meno. We may wake up feeling absolutely horrible with no energy - down to meno. We may lose our temper at work - down to meno. As she said, during our lifetime we have good days and bad days but once we are experiencing the menopause it seems that every little thing is because of meno and not just because the body, both female and male, has bad days. She has also always said never, ever put a new symptom down to meno but check it out. Women have died because they are convinced it "must be the change" when, in effect, it was down to illness.

I agree that this site is a life saver. I think I've been on here since 2005 or 2006 

Taz x

[Gypsy]

So much food for thought in this thread. I have been conscious of trying not to think about this new stage in my life too much because I don't want it to overshadow everything else.
When I mentioned in my 'welcome newbie' thread that I'm going to be going off to Europe in a motorhome for the winter, someone called me 'brave' to be going off while I'm menopausal (or words to that effect). It honestly hadn't occurred to me that I might not continue to live my life as I've always lived it and I don't plan to change what I do because of these raging hormones.
Well, not yet anyway! I acknowledge I may have to change my tune if the symptoms worsen, but for now, I'm trying hard to keep things in perspective.
Of course, it's impossible to ignore a hot flush - but I'm trying not to make a big deal of it now.  A few weeks ago, my poor OH lived through each and every flush. I'm calming down a bit from the novelty of it and trying to be philosophical.

[honeybun]

You go for it and enjoy every minute. I was fine with HRT and had taken it for two years without a hiccup. Then anxiety came sneaking up and slapped me. It's been difficult ever since which I really resent as I was a go anywhere and do most things kind of person. Now my world is shrinking so if you feel ok then go for it.
Post about your adventures and we can travel with you.


Honeyb
X

[Gypsy]

Thanks, HB. We'll probably leave early next week and I'm thinking about what to stockpile and take with me.
I've used 1000 mg of Evening Primrose for years and I've upped it to 2,000 + 1,000 mg of starflower since reading about it on this forum. Problem is - it will take time before I know if this combination is right for me. So do I bite the bullet and take enough to last me for the next four or five months? Decisions, decisions...

[Joyce]

Wish I had as much courage Gypsy. You go & enjoy. Take enough to last you, for however long, you can always bring any extras back home again.

[Taz2]

I would think that both of these are available in Europe Gypsy so if you do run out you will be able to stock up.

Taz

[Hurdity]

 Also, I can't put my finger on it but I just don't feel the same as I used to, that is physically and emotionally.

Such an interesting thread. I can relate to so much of it.

Morwenna that is just how I feel - it isn't just the physical thing - it is the emotional too - and all of this is due to our hormones.

I remember having this discussion a while back last year - it's that get up and go, feeling of oomph desire to do and achieve things, getting excited, and of course the sex life. Although like others I am on HRT it just isn't the same. it helps remove most of the physical symptoms, hopefully protects my bones and heart but I will never ever be the same me again and I find that sad.

It takes a while to realise I think, but I am absolutely certain it's because my oestrogen levels are depleted ( probably testosterone too) and there aren't surging up and down like they used to giving all those highs ( and lows too!).

For me once past the menopause I am on a boringly even keel emotionally - life events aside. This is not depression or anxiety - it's more like lack of excitement and without burning desires!!

However it is ,much more important to have and try to maintain good health - so that's what I try to do...

Hurdity x

[honeybun]

Hormones undoubtedly play a huge part in how we feel but I think that even without them we would still be feeling different.
We are all aging and for some of us it's a time of children leaving and also looking after elderly parents. It's a time of change.

I am neither happy not unhappy, contented nor discontented, just feelings of flatness. I need a new direction in life but due to apathy I find it difficult to know what I want for this next chapter.

Honeyb
X

[Rowan]

Not all women feel this way, I am one of the lucky ones and menopause has not been too bad, I don't feel that much different from before.

What does effect me is just life and its ups and downs and I had them before menopause. My parents dying was a major change for me and turned me into a grownup and aware of my mortality.

I can still be happy and enthusiastic, still be down and anxious, still laugh and cry, being post menopause is much more preferable to the alternative, and I still think this world is a beautiful place (pity about some of the cruel and inhumane humans)

I think the combined HRT can cause the effect of flatness and dampened down sex drive, I remember that's the way the BC pill made me feel, once again advantages and disadvantages.

When I was in my thirties my mother gave me a book about hormones and menopause which started me on the path of finding out all I could about what would happen to my body, I have never found that women would not talk about it and worked at a Well Woman Centre where I gave advice about hormones and menopause and women were very eager to talk about menopause.

A feeling of flatness is a sign that all is not well http://changingtime.wordpress.com/2009/05/03/if-you-are-feeling-emotionally-flat-be-silent-and-listen/ 

Feeling flat now and then though I think is normal, just part of the human condition.

[Rose]

Just thought I'd share this with you all; I rang my mother (she's 86 and in Ireland) and decided to ask her if she has ever had vaginal dryness. This was a big thing to ask as she never discusses anything about 'down there' as she calls it. Anyway, I was shocked when she said that she had dried up and was itchy and sore but wouldn't/couldn't ask a doctor about it. It was something to put up with and she put germaline on her 'bits'! I cried afterwards, she was just suffering in silence with no one to talk to about this and has suffered many bladder/kidney infections. I just felt such sorrow for her 'going it alone' and her upbringing has told her it's a taboo subject. The good thing was that at last she did talk to me about it and not run away from the subject.

[honeybun]

I got the GP to prescribe Vagifem for my 91 year old mum. She is more comfortable and although she still has the occasional UTI it's nowhere near as bad as before. Your mum does not have to suffer in silence. If you don't think she would like a pessary then some hormonal cream would help a bit.

Perhaps a word with her practice nurse would help.

Honeyb
X

[Rose]

Hi Honeybun
My living in Australia doesn't help to really sit down and talk about it. Can mum still take Vagifem if she has high blood pressure?