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Author Topic: Worrys about getting older  (Read 12987 times)

pixie

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Worrys about getting older
« on: April 17, 2013, 08:50:45 AM »

Since the start of all this menopause, I have become much more aware of my own mortality and having health problems etc and having to deal with things I may not be fit enough to do myself.  Sorry to be so doom and gloom! My sister came round last night and she was telling me I need to have a contingency plan for if I go into hospital etc, which is what she always does! She doesn't have any immediate family, but a partner who was away when she in hospital, for the day. She has good friends and so do I.  She was telling me that she had been to see our uncle, who is 81years old and has had bowel cancer, and he is looking after my aunty who is chair bound, following a stroke.  She was saying how cheerful he was about doing it.  Anyway, we all have worries about coping with advancing years in one way or another. When I was on the day case, they didn't let any relatives or friends in at all during the procedure, but there were patients in there in pain and frightened. I don't find it hard to chat to strangers, and sometimes we have to even rely on people we don't know for support.  I don't know if its part of the surgery recovery, but find I am thinking about all sorts of things like this and trying not to dwell on it, because I don't want to get depressed. I never used to think about all this until the menopause.  Do you think its part and parcel of it and preparing oneself for retirement and old age?  I am noticing it even more being at home because my mind isn't very occupied! :)
« Last Edit: April 17, 2013, 08:55:19 AM by pixie »
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honeybun

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2013, 09:53:42 AM »

I think we all get like this as we get older. It's really a good job we can't see into the future.
I worry about my own health but I worry more about my husband's and my mother's and my ability to cope if anything was to happen.

I watch my mum at nearly 91 struggle and loose her independence. I just don't want to get as old as that.

I can't remember the last time I felt really well and energetic and it worries me that this is it......Will I always feel this way.

Happy days.....I sound as cheery as you.

Just wanted to say you are not alone with these worries.

Honeyb
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Suzi Q

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2013, 11:17:16 AM »

I dont know about meno as Ive been postmeno for 16 years Im 59 in June
I now Im scared now and worry I think Ive got about 5 more years at most looking Ok
Ive got about 10 more years being able to go places do tihngs and thats as long as I keep well
I worry say 15 years and I will be really old What happens if somehting happens to Geoffrey
I never thought abut these tings till I hit 57 and over the last 2 years its got worse
Im not boasting but its genetic I dont look my age I can pass easy for 50 IM size 12 dead fashionable
Today boot legs jeans long white Zara blouse multi coloured scarf and red Doc marten Maty Janes shoes in 5/3
I dont look like Mutton and I know I look good with my Brown hair with bright red not orange but red streaks
But I know how old I am IM scared to plan now I think but what if I sometimes sit and think OK 15 years
What was I doing over the last 15 how quick did they go well I can only say since 2006 the years have flown
1 year seesms now like 6 months Its mid April seems like a month ago we were celebrating NYEve its frightening
I also agree not working Im retired gives you too much time to think
All my pals work I dont drive trains OK but busses are rubbish I hate my Vol job on a Thursday its lonely
I tok this job in Lifeline (ozz version of samaritans) and except for the Manager Im on own in the shop
Ive voled before in Hospitals and loved it but I cant get back to the Major hospital I did it before weve moved
I worry about Dad in UK 84 in June hes moved in to a lovely flat his owns for sale this is rented commuity health care
He has a lovely ground floor flat everyone over 60 hes got his car hes got a lady friend he sees almost everyday
Hes as happy as Larry but I worry and over everything so NO your not alone wot happens if this wot happens if that
I never felt like this before Im used to planning now I think wot happens if Im not well next year we are touring EU!
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pixie

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2013, 11:27:42 AM »

Hi Honeybun,

I am going to enjoy being with mum whilst she is still here.  She is frail but they are very tough characters.  After 5 times in hospital falls, fractures, norovirus (all last year), she has made a lot of progress.  At the time she refused to have a stick - typical - and refused carers or occupational therapists. The reason being because some of them were being more of a hindrance than a help.  She resented having people in moving mats etc, when she knew where the risks in her house were. She said they treated her as if she didn't have a brain.
At the time I was concerned because I had to clear up blood etc due to her fall and thought she would need to be 'looked after'.  I was really worried it was going to happen again, when I least expect it.  However, she is now walking down to the high street with her pull along trolley, doing very small amounts of shopping.  Sometimes she has lunch delivered and watches a film in the afternoon, quizzes, deal etc.
This is what she likes.  I generally do things to fit in with her now, due to her busy routine, including roller skating!!!!!  ;D x

Hi Suzy - just going to take each day as it comes.  Been sitting about at home too long after this op.  Need to get out more. ;) x
« Last Edit: April 17, 2013, 11:33:16 AM by pixie »
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rosekay

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2013, 09:36:53 AM »

Pixie, I was so relieved to see your post - I thought I was quietly going crazy lately, with the way I've been thinking. I'm 52 in June and I've just been having so many thoughts about getting ill, dying, being stuck in a Home unable to do anything, husband having illness/accident/dying - you name it, it's been on my mind!  I'm getting teary just writing this!  Honestly, I'm fed up with being like this but  can't seem to break out of it.  Do others feel that everyone else is going round perfectly well and happy, not having panics about things like we do? I posted earlier about an awful feeling I've been getting in my head, which is obviously heralding a stroke or tumour at the very least.... How do we buck ourselves up and start living again?   ???
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Kathleen

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2013, 10:14:39 AM »

I can relate to this as well and I think it is just another manifestation of anxiety really.
I've got a book on the menopause written by Dr. Miriam Stoppard and she mentions that feelings of pessimism and despondency are common at this time. I know it's hard to deal with and isn't rational but it still feels real!
Hopefully as we go through this stage in our lives the intense worrying passes,  certainly some old people I know don't seem to have a care and in the world despite all sorts of health issues, so maybe a sort of calmness comes with age?
Take care and wishing you well.
K.
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CLKD

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2013, 10:15:43 AM »

Yep.  We meet our mortality.  I think having key <searches for word>  >:( .... agencies set up helps.  I have a good working relationship with both my GP and dental surgeon; I have neighbours who will help with the poultry if push comes to shove; I have e-mail alerts from AgeUK ......... we have made a Will which needs up-dating ...... but I worry, I wake feeling sick in case anything happens to DH  :-\
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

honeybun

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2013, 11:42:42 AM »

My mother says that you stop worrying about this kind of thing as you get older.
She was very bothered with "nerves" / anxiety as she went through meno. By the time she reached her early 60s it passed. She has done things that I never thought she could as I remember her life being very restricted when I was a child.

It gives me hope that I will be the same.

Honeyb
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Evenstar

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2013, 12:15:08 PM »

So glad you posted this. I'm a terrible worrier about getting older, especially in the middle of the night. I find myself comparing peoples ages and counting up how much longer I have to be well and healthyish!  Daft I know and I can't even  say its something that has happened since I've got older, I'm 51 now, cos I've been doing it since my 20s.
      Not sure if its because I've always had a lot elderly relatives whom I've watched grow older and die over the years, but it bothers me a lot. :(
     I try not to dwell on it as I have an 8 year old and she does keep me busy and give me a young outlook on life which helps a lot. But, I am the age that I am and its scary :(
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Milliemoo

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2013, 12:45:23 PM »

Yes, this is exactly how I have been feeling and thinking as well.  Time seems to be running out.  I have had the same thoughts as Suzi about how quickly the last 10/15 years have gone and how the next 10/15 will fly by just as fast.  It's HORRIBLE to think that my time is limited.

Also, I definitely notice how age has affected me physically.  I struggle now to paint my toenails :(  have to ask my daughter to do them.  It's not JUST the whole bending double thing that hurts my back, it's the eyesight and the non-steady  hand.  Combination of all three.  A small thing but significant.

Yup again I feel as Suzi does, for how much longer will I be attractive to the opposite sex?  I look ok atm, as long as I SMILE - that lifts my face!!  I cant go round grinning like a loon the whole time though.

Arrgggh, yes it's horrible. I guess the answer is to seize the day and do now what you CAN do before it's too late.  Sometimes easier said than done though with time/finance restrictions.
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CLKD

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2013, 02:19:23 PM »

I'm 60 this year.  That's my Life nearly done  :-\  ..........  ::) - unless I live longer than any of my rellies have done ......
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Changes can be scarey, even when we want them!

honeybun

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2013, 03:09:29 PM »

CLKD.

Your mum is over 80 so you will have a lot more time left yet.

We really should try to make the most of every day but sometimes it's really hard.

Just need to try harder I guess.

As I have said before I worry more about OH than me. I just can't imagine being on my own and that is enough to keep me awake at night.

He is diabetic and has some other health issues. My daughter tells me I fuss him far too much. It's like having another child. If he goes out on his own I have to make sure he has snacks and a drink. I also make sure he has tissues and his mobile. I know it's totally ridiculous but I just can't seem to stop myself because I know he will go out with none of the things he may need. Perhaps it's a control thing and if I feel all basis are covered then there is less chance of things going wrong.
He has the diabetes and I have the worry.

Honeyb
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mazzy

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2013, 03:48:23 PM »

I think we all worry about getting older.  My Dad died when he was 58yrs and as I was 57 a few weeks ago it set my mind thinking about it.

I just give myself a good talking to and try to live each day as it comes, because although my Dad died young, my Mom is in her 91st year now and with a bit of luck my life should balance out and I suppose it depends on whose genes I inherited.

My youngest Son, just says well Mom when your times up your times up.  Thats the young for you.

I worry more about my OH Honeybun, k is 15years older than me, he was 72 last week, although he never acts his age.  He has a few health problems cropping up now, type 2 Diabetes and leg problems.  He gets annoyed when I worry about him.

Mazzy  ::)
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walking the dog

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2013, 05:29:32 PM »

I have been like that since peri meno started last year, the counselling didnt help, the ad's take the edge of it but every now and then it hits me like a ton of bricks im going to die im going to die, my gp asked why i felt like that i told her because its true i am going to die she couldnt answer me! Ita awful and when it comes into my head i have a panic attack which of course makes me think im dying! i do try and push it away but its a struggle.xx
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Taz2

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Re: Worrys about getting older
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2013, 05:35:46 PM »

I think we are bound to feel a bit like this - whether men or women. It's like when you have a nasty dental appointment booked or some surgery to be done. When the appointment is months away we hardly think about it but as it draws closer then it becomes much more difficult to ignore it. We know that we have had more years behind us than in front so that sort of narrows the focus a bit. It is inevitable that we are going to die but instead of making us live each day positively it seems to send us into a depressing spiral of fright!  I worry about how my family will be without me (sounds big-headed!) and I hate the thought that I wont be there for my sons when they get old and ill - now, how daft is that!!!

As my mum and dad used to say - worry about the things you can change not the things you cant.

Taz x
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