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[Bette]

It is sad how the warden role has changed. When Mum first moved into her bungalow over 20 years ago, the warden lived in the house which came with the job just around the corner. Her (retired) husband did any little jobs required and she ran lots of "extras" like lunches and clubs. If she didn't think a resident sounded 100% when she called them in the morning, she always "popped round" to check and often stayed for a coffee and a chat. There are now 2 (one 9 - 3, one 9 - 12) and they spend most of their time filling out forms and calling in workmen.  All the activities are run by a enthusiastic resident and she checks up on people more than the wardens do.  The warden complained to me that relatives didn't always update them on what was going on, so when Mum came home from hospital I made a real effort to do so but was usually met with negative comments about support and carers like "Well, that's what they say but I bet it doesn't happen." This at a time when I was having to work very hard to keep my head above water.  In fact, on one occasion I said "Sorry but I really don't need this right now" and walked out. I am no longer surprised that relatives don't update them! Sadly, it's no longer a "caring" role, more a pen-pushing one from what I can see. 
Thanks ladies for your advice. I've spoken to the Interim Care Team and they appreciate my concerns and have agreed to continue with the 2 visits a day, even though she no longer needs the "rehab" they're meant to provide. They're going to chase up SS as they can't understand why her care package hasn't been sorted yet; there's obviously been a glitch as others who they started with after Mum have already been handed over weeks ago.
Bette x

[CLKD]

Good Bette - now you can go on your break!  ENJOY!

I know when Dad needed care at home, which he had to pay for, the girls were in transit more than with him  ...... and never there when required, i.e. lifting to the pan and back or to change the sheets.  The girls would be on their mobiles in the house whilst trying to 'do' for him, had I been there I would have told them to leave the mobiles in their cars  - we are paying for your time and your time we will get but Mum wouldn't tell them  ........ another narcisstic habit  .......... if the girls were a few minutes over their 'time' with Dad the woman who owned the 'care service' would phone to tell them to get to the next client.  Money based, that's what.

Mum lasted all of 6 days before he had to be shipped off to yet antoher 'home' 

[Eddie]

Not sure if we have the same services here, we don't have carers, they are called HSW? however they have been amazing, three visits a day, morning evening and bedtime tuck, mum gets a shower twice a week and they will heat food for her, and leave her a sandwich or flask of soup for lunch. We don't pay anything for this because it is the 'personal care' element, anything requiring domestic tasks we would need to pay for.
This is called 're-enablement', they may decide she doesn't need this level.
Eddie. x

[Cazikins]

My Dad is 90 years old & lives in an Alms house - no carers but a warden (& a matron as he calls her) who check in on him everyday just to make sure he is ok (alive & kicking that is).
He has developed a few problems over the last few months, several falls & wobbly days as he calls them.
He is supposed to wear surgical stockings every day but he is refusing to put them on.
We (the family) have offered to do this for him but he has refused.
We have suggested to arrange for a carer to do it for him - but he has refused.

We have told him that he needs this done every day because otherwise he could end up in hospital - he listens but you can see the "shutters" coming done.

He has all his marbles & he knows exactly what is going on. Me 7 my Bro have almost come to blows about it because I feel it is Dads choice as to how he wants to deal with it. We can only keep an eye on him - we can't take over his life & run it if he doesn't want us to. Big Bro thinks we should be forcing him to do things.

Dad still manages to get around town 2/3 times a week with the help of his 3 wheeler, & he still manages to get to the pub 2/3 times a week (like father like daughter).

Tomorrow he is standing in the middle of town doing a street collection for the old para's, & he will be all dressed up with his red beret on & his medals
looking so smart & proud.

What a man....

Cazi xx

[san]

Oh Caz you must be real proud of him. 
Maybe he doesn't like the stockings because they are so tight to wear. It's a problem a lot of people have in persuading others to wear them 

[purplenanny]

Aww Cazikins, your dad sounds great! and determined to remain independant for as long as he is able.

[Eddie]

Oh, that's so good. I bet you hope you are as resilient.
Ohhh, hrt until 90??? Think i would need it.
Eddie. x

[Cazikins]

The trouble is San is that Dad struggles to put the stockings on (they are really tight bug*ers), & he doesn't want any of us to help him. He says the day he has to ask for help is the day that he will give up altogether.

I bet you hope you are as resilient.
Eddie. x

More likely to be just as stubborn Eddie 

Cazi xx

[grandy]

I think I agree with you Cazikins, if your Dad has all his marbles then I think he has the right to choose whether he wears them or not. If he has reached 90 doing his own thing then good on him!

[san]

I know someone who wears them. He uses a cream first and waits a couple of minutes before putting on the stocking. Has he tried that?
They are really tight so I'd be surprised if your dad has the strength in his hands to pull them up. They also make your legs hot so they don't sound the most comfortable things to wear.

[Eddie]

We are having the same kind of thing with my mum, she's doing really well after her op, but my brother is so frightened to let her do anything for herself, she's getting annoyed with him, so when he's not there we WILL sit in the garden for 10 mins! I think men have the all or nothing approach, not realising that i have been doing all n
the necessary stuff for her for the past 10 years.

As for those socks! Mum refuses too, she uses a cream in a pump too (bluen) or something like it, that does help, but the socks are nearly impossible, she keeps her legs raised as much as poss and takes an extra water pill when they are bad.
Eddie.x

[Cazikins]

Yes Dad has a cream to put on as well - he manages that ok & he says he elevates his feet as much as possible. 

Parents ay - what are we to do with them....love them & respect their wishes I say.

Cazi
xx

[Eddie]

Yep, and thank our lucky stars they are still here. xx

[san]

There's a lot to be said for the saying 'respect your elders'
Think how I would like to be treated and try to do it that way is how I go about it

[Pennyfarthing]

I'm leaving in 5 mins to pick up my Mum and take her out for the morning.  She likes a drive round on a nice day and then we get her groceries.

She is getting a wee bit forgetful and tires quite easily these days but is still a million times better than I imagine I will be at 88 - don't even think I'll make that TBH!

I always ring her about 9pm and rang as usual last night - no answer and I let it ring for ages.  15 mins later I did the same. No answer.  As she's about 10 miles away I rang her neighbour and asked her to nip round and knock on her lounge window.  Thankfully she rang about 10 mins later and said the kitchen phone is not ringing and if it rang upstairs she didn't hear it.  So I'll check she hasn't got it on mute or something.