I'm really sorry you're going through this. I have had very bad, at times paralysing, anxiety all of my life. Recently I've been upping the nervous system regulation side of things, and should probably be doing more.
I try to do 10 mins of yoga stretches every morning, combined with deep vagus nerve breathing (which is type of deep vibrational breathing to activate our calming systems). I then do a few minutes of mindfulness. I repeat the deep breathing before I go to sleep. I've also tried to work on my cognition - e.g what I am telling myself and how that is impacting my feelings. For example, I get woken up a lot by other people in the house. I can get literally off the scale with rage if I tell myself they are ruining my sleep and my life etc. To the point of being literally unhinged and slamming doors, stomping on floors etc. But if I can try to let the sounds go more and not get angry, I can generally feel calmer and get to sleep. I often put my hand on my heart and stomach if I'm awake in the night, which eventually calms my system (it releases oxytocin etc).
Regarding cortisol surges, that is also a regular occurrence, probably daily with me, coexisting with generalised anxiety and trauma issues. What I find helpful as well is self-compassion/self-soothing and trying to adopt a more positive mindset. For example, if I wake up and feel depressed or anxious I might say to myself that I can handle anything that live throws at me and I will be ok. It may sound woo-woo, but what we say to ourselves can be enormously powerful. For example, we can activate our own threat systems by being self-critical or feeding our anxious thoughts.
Weird as it sounds, I also find acceptance can be very powerful, if I remember to adopt that.. For example, I have sometimes got myself back to sleep by saying to myself that I accept how I feel. What we resist, persists as they say. It's hard work for sure! But it can reap rewards.
Sometimes this is much harder to achieve than others, which is maybe where hormones come in. But trying to calm the nervous system and to not 'feed' the anxiety with more anxious thoughts can be really impactful. Have you thought about therapy? Long waiting lists in the UK but may help you with some coping mechanisms. For example, I can now see a clearer link between what I tell myself and my anxiety levels. Actually AI can be really helpful in giving you techniques and coping mechanism so you could try chatgpt and explain your situation. The truth is you are strong enough and you can take it and you can survive this. You just maybe need a bit of extra help/resources at the moment. Also remember that bad times come and go and won't stay forever.
