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[Flossy McFlossy]

Hi All,

I am new here and I have posted in another thread but thought I'd be brave and start my own to say hi and, just to 'put it out there', I guess in the hopes of finding some solidarity and support here because I really am at my wits end!

I am currently struggling with anxiety and low mood - I'm feeling very isolated and stuck in a vicious circle of knowing that I need to do more to help myself, feeling overwhelmed by this, and also just not having the motivation to do anything about it!

I stopped working 6 months ago, mostly due to fatigue, which I feel fueled a depression at that time.  Since then, the fatigue has lifted but the low mood has persisted and the anxiety has just got worse and worse.  I can't sleep at night and can't get up in the morning, and my motivation to feed myself nutritious food has mostly gone. In truth I hardly leave the house and don't exercise at all.  Self-care, on the whole, just isn't happening.

I am using 3 pumps of Oestrogel at night before bed, daily progesterone and 150mg of Sertraline.  I don't feel anything is really improving - most days are awful, some worse than others -  rarely, thankfully, I do have a good day.  I'm 52 and only started HRT last year.  I have used Sertraline on and off for most of my life, having suffered with depression since my early 20's.  The way I'm feeling these days is nothing like how I felt before though and my GP has specified 'Recurrent Depression exacerbated by hormonal issues'.

I am single and never had kids - by choice - and it feels like that choice has come back to bite me in a big way of late.

I know this way of thinking is classic depression but I can't shake the feeling that my life has been completely pointless.  I have never felt so lonely and hopeless before and I just don't recognise myself anymore.

I'm sorry for this horribly depressing and self-pitying post, but this is just how things are at the moment.

On the plus side, in the midst of all this I did manage to secure a new job!  I think I was so convinced I didn't stand a change of getting it that the interview didn't stress me out and so I didn't have my usual word-finding difficulties or mind-blanks!  So, that should start in the new year- it is only part-time, and I'm pinning my hopes on it lifting me a little.  6 months of no work and little human contact has certainly contributed to the way I'm feeling right now.  But I really could do with sorting out this bl00dy anxiety before I start!!

I wondered if there was anyone else out there who feels the menopause like it's an identity or mid-life crisis - especially those who didn't have kids.  Most of my friends have kids and I think that adds to my feelings of isolation so it would be great to hear from others in the same boat as me.

Flossy xxx







 

[CLKD]

Hi I responded in your other thread  . Which symptom would you like to ease with HRT?

When did U last have a full blood count; vitD and thyroid function levels measured?  Because we shouldn't blame everything on peri-menopause.

Well done on the job    it may B time to be honest with your new colleagues about the anxiety, opening up with "I'm a bit nervous, being new and all that" because we all do get nervous!  I had no empathy whilst growing up so thought I was the 1 person in the village who suffered with it 

We married knowing that we were going to be childless, the World has never been good enough for my kids ;-) and in recent years, I've known that m y decision was correct for me.  All my friends had 3 or 4 each  so visiting was our aversion therapy ..........

U self pity, we likes a good party we does ;-).  Browse round. Make notes.  Do be aware of vaginal atrophy we have threads about that here: 4warned is 4armed ;-)

Also: when I was severely depressed I found that by evening I felt well, all commitments dealt with I suppose: so would. make a list o f chores for the following day so that ticking off showed me what I had actually achieved!  Anything not done went onto the next list.  Feeding the cat, walking the dog and getting dressed were daily, anything else went onto that list.

[Flossy McFlossy]

Hi again CLKD - thanks again for responding :-)

I had a full blood count last year - pretty much all clear except, pre-diabetic, low folate and low iron.  I know I need to sort my nutrition out and I'm taking my multi-vits these days.

Thanks re the job - and I agree about opening up.  I like the idea of making the list in the evening too - I certainly do feel better in the evenings so that makes perfect sense.

It's the anxiety that's the worst problem at the moment but, as I understand it, HRT won't necessarily help with that will it?  As per the other thread, it might be time to try another Anti-D.

Thanks again for responding - it's really very much appreciated :-)

x

 

[CLKD]

Were U given any iron supplements?

As for pre-diabetic - some medications can cause this, were you followed up with repeat blood sugar tests?  I take statins which apparently raises sugars, the Nurse freaked 18 months ago  and when I returned for my Annual Check last month, I had to explain that I am NOT pre-diabetic 

A couple of years ago my Chef [DH] and I began cutting out processed foods.  We don't eat that much of it but items like donuts, croissants, scones which are OK when out and about, I found was making me very sluggish.  Trying to eat more fruit is hard work as a lot makes me bloated  however: 6 weeks ago I cut out milk and muesli and a lot of that belatedness went within 36 hours  .

So no more shop bought cakes or biscuits.  I had a sponge given me 12 months ago which I ate, by New Years Eve I thought that I was going to die: I couldn't pass anything up or down  .  Lesson learnt

We still eat shop bought meat pies and eat pizza once a week.  DH has always cooked from scratch so when my gut feels sluggish, he does a stir fry of mainly veg..  My gut can't tolerate onions and ginger makes me cough!  I am not into fish, even those made into fingers  and although fish is supposed good, I can't face it.  And him being a keen fisherman  .

What don't U like in the way of food: for me it's fish, lamb in any form, tripe, onions ..........  .  I also eat what I fancy!  and can 'go off' items such as cheese, pizza, sausages 

[Dierdre]

Good luck with the new job, i think that will be a good turning point for you. Just mixing with people again and getting out the house, having some structure in your life again will help a lot.
I retired nearly 3 years ago and still miss all of that structure, it's still hard to adjust to my new retired identity.
Don't be hard on yourself for not having kids, like you said it was your choice and right for you.  I've got 3 children and 6 grandchildren and still can feel very lonely, they all have busy lives, work and school and I'm not always a part of that and that's fine it's their time. I'm divorced and find it harder to socalise when you're not a couple.
Did your doctor suggest changing or increasing the HRT as that does help with anxiety and specific vitamins rather than multi vits as they might not be enough of what you need. Vit D and B12 are good ones to take.
I think once you're back at work, busy all day, coming home tired and hungry things will start to improve.

[DottyD68]

Hi Flossy,

Sorry to hear you are feeling low and isolated. The menopause on it's own can definitely make you feel like that. I had always felt cheery, sociable and positive about life until peri-menopause appeared and I suddenly didn't recognise myself. Anxiety came out of nowhere. What was worse was that people I had known for years weren't aware what was going on (even though I tried to explain how I felt) so I felt even more bereft of the person I had lost and they thought I still was (if that makes sense!)

I've been married for nearly 30 years and do not have children through choice. I grew up in a big family, as did my husband, and we decided childten weren't for us. Although we don't live near any of our families we are still quite close knit and have lots of, now grown up, nephews and nieces with whom I keep in contact with. I am proud of the individuals they have become and my relationship with them but I do not have any regrets about not having my own children, whatsoever. Having children can bring a lot of joy and companionship but also comes with a lot of responsibility and stress. I personally couldn't imagine trying to navigate through this menopause journey whilst trying to manage my parental responsibilities effectively and I am in awe of the ladies that do manage it.

My anxiety and isolation issues were compounded by becoming the main family carer for my mum who has dementia, mainly as a result of living the nearest. It didn't help her illness starting just before Covid but despite coming from a large extended family it has mostly been down to me to see to all her needs and has been the most stressful 5 years of my life. At times, despite having a big family and lots of good friends, I have felt so lonely, unsupported, misunderstood and isolated. Wildly fluctuating hormones makes everything seem much worse and it can feel like there is no hope. But there is. I'm not out of the woods yet - my anxiety has returned this last week or so and today was the first day my mum didn't recognise me when I arrived - but lately things have seemed clearer and I have come to accept things rather than resist or resent them, which just adds to the stress.

I have found the Meditation app Headspace has been a lifesaver. It's just great to try and give your brain a timeout and put things in perspective.

It is great news that you have got a new job. All it takes is one small thread that can lead to more positive openings if you pull on it. My main advice is just to take one day at a time. Hopefully you will have an increasing number of good days, but if you have a bad day, tomorrow will be a better day.

Good luck and Happy New Year X

[DottyD68]

I forgot to say.....why not try putting some gel on in the morning and see if that makes a difference to your mood ? X

[CLKD]

Oh Dotty that could be a whole thread of it's own!

Is your GP Surgery aware that you are a carer for your Mum?

Sadly it's the way large families tend to be when push comes to shove.  MinL had the whole responsibility as she lived the closest to her parents  so her 7 siblings didn't see the tie caring became for her and her husband 

[DottyD68]

CLKD,

She has been in a care home for a while now and that has made my life "easier" in many practical ways but I still never switch off and find the whole illness utterly lowering for everyone involved. I am the main family visitor as it is down the road and 1st in line / contact for any issues or practical stuff eg buying new clothes/footwear and sort all her financial stuff.

I have learnt (the hard way) that in families we all have different relationships with people and everyone has their own "stuff" going on so you should not judge others and you should just do what you feel is right for you. My family are all good people and I appreciate having to take time/effort to make a long journey which is ultimately a depressing and stressful visit is not top of their list.

Unfortunately hormones aren't particularly considerate in these situations 

[Flossy McFlossy]

Morning all and thanks so much for your replies, kind words and advice.

It seems silly but just coming here and saying how I feel and hearing back from people already seems to have lightened the load. I actually got off to sleep at a reasonable time last night and I'm up!  Now!!  Before noon!!  That is a huge step forward.

CLKD - no, I wasn't given any iron supplements, I was just told to drink less tea - apparently that affects iron levels.  That sounds like another thing to ask my doc about - plus repeat blood tests.  I've given up my beloved beer so I'd be very interested to see if that has had an effect on my blood sugars.  As for processed food, I'm pretty good in that regard.  I never really ate that much of it and I don't have a sweet tooth so the pre-diabetic diagnosis was quite a shock.  Bread and beer were my downfalls. The beer is now no more, and I make my own bread so I know what's in it, so yes, repeat blood tests would be interesting.  I have read that the menopause can cause a problem with blood sugars and I do wonder if that's what happened with me.  Mostly my problem with food right now is not being motivated to cook for myself and definitely not getting enough fiber.

Dierdre - hi :-) - I think you're spot on - the job is going to help in many ways, and coming home tired and hungry is a big part of that.  I do think that sorting my sleep and my diet is the first step to sorting everything else (and today looks like a good day so far).  Also yes, socialising when single is hard!  I have been wondering about volunteering - something to get me more involved with the local community. For now tho, I'll start the new job - ease into that first.  I am a terror for taking too much on all at once.

Dotty - hi to you too :-) - I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I can only imagine how that situation must be for you, and it makes it all the more special that you took the time to write to me!  You're so right - acceptance is key - that was always my mantra, until hormonal fluctuations started to impact everything.  As you say, hormones are not very considerate at all!  I too practice Mindfulness and it does help for sure - the problem is keeping it up, but I do keep coming back to it - I reckon that's better than nothing and good enough for now.  It's good to hear that you have something for you - thanks for the advice re the App.

So last night I used only 1 pump of the gel and I have woken up without the crushing anxiety today, so I'm definitely going to try spreading the 3 pumps throughout the day and see how I get on.

Thanks again all for being there and taking the time to respond - it really has meant such a lot to me xxx


 

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on.   As hormones fluctuate it may stand to reason that the body doesn't need as much replacement ....... or that replacement may need to be cyclical. 


Debatable idea about tea affecting iron levels  ......... is there a basis for this?  I would need to look up 2 C where the body gets its iron from  .

DottyD68 - Mum is in care 2 hours drive away so the staff have to deal with issues ....... then they phone me for advice 

[DottyD68]

CLKD,

Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation with mother in carehome.

Mine is only 10-15 minutes away which is really "good" for me. I think I am fortunate in that all the staff are excellent and really good with my mum who has very challenging behaviours and is very non-compliant. I dealt with that on my own for a few years so I know what they have to deal with and it is not easy. It's hard enough visiting   

[CLKD]

Yep.  Though Mum never showed her narcissism to others ;-).  I've no idea how she behaves now. 

Flossy McFlossy - how has today been?

[Flossy McFlossy]

Hey CLKD - sorry I missed your post and question.  Happy New Year to you :-)

I'm sorry to hear about your mum too.

So I am amazed and delighted to say that the horrendous anxiety has lifted since spreading out the gel throughout the day - and since posting here! 

It's only been 5 days so I'm not counting my chickens just yet, but I am really chuffed because, although I was having an occasional good/OK day, those days were rare, so 5 whole days really is a huge relief.

I felt a difference immediately - literally the next day having used only 1 pump the night before (versus 3) - so I guess it could be psychological but I will continue with that new routine and keep my fingers crossed  :-)

[Flossy McFlossy]

Forgot to say - thanks for asking and I hope you're doing OK too x