Dear Vicky81!
I feel so sorry for you because I too went through hellish withdrawal 2 years ago.
First of all, I apologize for the grammar mistakes, as English is not my first language.
Withdrawal is a very hard and real thing indeed.
Many GPs don't acknowledge it or they just say that the withdrawal is unpleasant, but short-lived.
How wrong they are!
2 years ago I took AD mirtazapine 30 mg for insomnia after recovering from covid and after being diagnosed with long covid. I suffered from severe insomnia, imbalance, vomiting and brain fog.
Ad helped me with insomnia and after 4 months and 3 weeks I slowly started to taper it. The tapering lasted exactly 53 days using the linear tapering method.
When I stopped completely, I was perfectly fine for 1 week, but then hell began: severe insomnia, restlessness, nervousness, anxiety.
These symptoms came and went, I was constantly spinning in a vicious circle and thought I was going crazy and that this hell would never end....
The GP was useless, he even tried to convince me that I was mentally ill and that I would probably need AD for the rest of my life!
During this time, all my friends slowly left me, only my husband and my children stood by me.
The website surviving antidepressants.com and CEPUK.ORG helped me a lot.
In particular, at CEPUK.ORG you can listen to video advice from doctors and those who have survived withdrawal.
Unfortunately, the withdrawal can take several months. For me, it lasted exactly 5 months, so that the symptom gradually faded.
During this time, I exercised a lot, took quality supplements and avoided stress.
Almost 2 years later, however, perimenopausal hell began for me: severe insomnia, night sweats, weight loss, anxiety and depression.
I tried 2 HRT therapies which only made the situation worse.
I suffered for almost 3 months and was very reluctant to try AD again. I really wanted to end my life, it was so bad.
It took 3 and a half months for me to come to feel better and now I'm really ok.
This time, before taking AD, I obtained the opinion of a female psychiatrist who knows about hormones and tapering AD and whom I trust very much.
She assured me that she would supervise me in safely coming off the AD.
My advice to you is to go back to the dosage that suits you best and then taper very, very slowly.
NICE guidelines say taper 10% a month:
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/treatments-and-wellbeing/stopping-antidepressantsYou can also consult your doctor to use the hyperbolic method of tapering by using tapering strips. This method has been proven to be the most effective.
You have no withdrawal or it is very mild.
You can find everything about the hyperbolic method of tapering AD on the website
https://www.taperingstrip.com.
I hope I helped you at least a little with my experience, because I know how bad it is for you now.
The only thing I can guarantee you is that it WILL pass.
However, know that such a difficult experience changes you and that you will look at the world significantly differently later on.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Emma