Hi Kathleen,
I feel your pain. I too have been on this journey for sometime....at least 10 years of which the last 3 have been on HRT.
I have nevet got the doseage right but feel I have a better idea of which symptoms relate to higher levels of hormones, so it feels like a case of choosing which symptoms I can tolerate the most. I have recently reduced my doseage and the anxiety, panic, palpitations, large breasts and swollen tummy which re-emerged from nowhere (probably as my own hormones changed again!) have reduced somewhat, but now struggling with increased allergies (like hayfever). I plan to have another trial period off HRT and am working my way towards that just to see what my own body is doing without the "help" of additional stuff and to see if I can cope without. Last time my mood and motivation plummeted to an all time low which was not sustainable so I went back on it.
Prior to all this I was a very fit and healthy 40 something and I cannot believe that I have turned into this person with so many physical and mental ailments that just seem to rotate from week to week. I do not recognise myself.
We can only try and remain hopeful and positive that this will all settle, one day. Hope you have a good weekend X