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[Majorstiffo]

HELP ME....
My partner and her son both have ADHD I bent over backwards to accommodate their needs when they were both finally diagnosed, I read everything I could to help try and understand their behaviours, learnt to be more tolerant when it became clear that alot of what was going on wasn't intentional.

My partner however since I have been diagnosed, refuses to believe that I cant control my "reactions" (she is 8 years younger than myself) her answer to alot of things has been "mum went through it and yeah she was vile to everyone else but she always doted on my dad!!"

I've tried to educate her, but with her ADHD she shuts off if its "not of interest"

I'm at a loss as to where to go next, I'm not sure I will ever be able to get to her understand due to her own diagnoses   

 

[ElkWarning]

I'm sorry you feel so unsupported.  I'm autistic myself and my (adult) daughter has ADHD.  It's a lot.  I know I can be a bit difficult to live with and my partner has to spend quite a bit of emotional energy to try and help me to understand some stuff.  However, I do put the work in myself as well.  Similarly, Ms ADHD is really self-reflective and we both constantly attempt to set and recognise boundaries both for ourselves and for the people around us. 

In the past, my partner has felt quite lonely and frustrated.  It's like I used to get so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't hear anything he was saying.  He made sure he had a safe and supportive network of friends / people with shared interests.  He goes away a couple of times a year to have some R&R and to recharge his batteries 'far from the madding crowd'.  Are you able to reach out and find folks you can have some down time with?  How would you feel about joining a local menopause support group?  Have you got any interests you can explore independently / with others that would bring you a bit of relief.

Unfortunately, I do struggle with the whole empathy thing (I've either got too much of it directed at something or a complete lack of it).  This does mean I don't always understand what's going on because I miss all the cues.  That said, when my partner tells me, I trust what he's saying and will change my behaviour so that I'm not randomly hurting him.  It sounds as if this care component is missing.  This isn't on you.  And it is on your partner to deal with their diagnosis in the context of the world / people around them.  Sorry if that's kind of blunt, but they also need to put the emotional labour in.