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[Beatrixx]

Hi All

Thank you so much for accepting my request to join. I've used forum for advice, for quite a while now, to help me get through the worst of my peri-menopause and especially when I started HRT. I had most dreadful experience with my first patches, Evorel Sequi, and this forum helped me through that.

I decided to join because there was an incident at work which has upset me greatly. After typing this, I don't what I'm asking for. Perhaps support, perhaps to get it off my chest.

After 6 months of heavy bleeding on Sequi, I saw a new doctor who agreed that Sequi was wrong for me and prescribed Conti. Conti been great except I get these vertigo attacks, which are now starting to ease off. I also get these funny turns just before a bleed starts, which are very hard to describe. I suppose I'm pre-menstrual, just forgotten what it's like 

The vertigo attacks were having a negative impact on my mood and my ability to focus. I decided to be honest with my team at work (I'm the team manager) by explaining that I was going through the menopause and about my vertigo, especially after I had one particularly bad attack at work. I explain that it was only temporarily and I was certain that the symptoms would soon pass. It seemed well received, no-one complained and working life happily carried on.

Fast forward to now, I'm hearing rumours that I am struggling to do my job because of the menopause. My director mentioned this in passing. My line manager and our director know I'm going through the peri-menopause but I've not asked for any special arrangements and I've not told them about the vertigo.

HR have received a complaint about me from someone in my team who I have been having problems with. We had a mediation session last week during which she read out a statement saying my menopause disclosure was only to control the team and that I should not be allowed to use my menopause symptoms as an excuse. She said it was insulting to all in the team because we are all the same age and are all going through the menopause. We're not the same age, at 55 I'm 15 to 30 years older than the rest of the team. She's in her mid-30s but that's not to say she isn't going through the peri-menopause. She said I was not worthy to be in the same space or breathe the same air as my team. Everyone at the company hates me. The mediator said nothing and let her continue with her character assassination of me.

I left meeting upset and am currently off work with stress. I did speak to HR but they can't do anything as all what was discussed in the mediation session is confidential. For that reason, I didn't disclose what was exactly said.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I belong anymore. I've rarely leave the house and when I do, I find it difficult to be around other people. I feel like I've lost everyone's support and it's my fault. When my peri-menopause started 10 years, I didn't know what was going on with me; I was experiencing anxiety and these unexplainable rages and irritability. My doctor diagnosed me with severe depression and said my physical symptoms were due to age. It wasn't until the recent exposure menopause has had in the media, that I realised that my health issues were related to the menopause. I took affirmative action by asking for HRT and by looking at the menopause policy at work - I had struggled with previous jobs and I wanted to change that. I thought I was finally turning my life around but I've simply dug a bigger hole for myself. I don't want to be this person anymore.

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We have a list of resources on our Menopause at Work page:
https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/menopause_at_work.php

[CLKD]

Is there a Union in your Company?   What has been muted is appalling and I would be calling a meeting with all concerned: bugga confidentiality.

Companies are being advised to have a menopause protocol, is your Line Manager and the Director not aware?  It certainly is not your fault, however I found years ago that people in certain positions - usually above secretarial - are more interested in how they keep their own jobs so have to chivvy the work force along and be blind to any issues: whether it's health wide or simply over-loading others in order to be seen to be 'doing'.  There, that's a rant!

It's The Change - does what it says on the tin!  MayB keeping a mood/food/symptom diary may be of use, is there a Nurse Practitioner at your Surgery?  There is a dedicated meno GP but they don't advertise in mine 

U have a right to put those rumours to rest, no one should 'mention in passing' :  that is out of order !!  :  asking your work Team exactly what problems 'they' are having with your recent disclosure.  If there is a problem, then you are quite approachable [as long as there isn't a Y in the day ;-) ].  U cannot be sacked due to menopause though many women do think 'bugga them', I'll do what I want to for a change.  There is of course a legal protocol in all Companies who employ over a certain number of people so it may be worth asking or looking on-line.

Perhaps whilst at home make a note of incoming and outgoings to see where you are financially.  That will take some of the stress off should U decide to leave.

I had similar issues when I was told that I was unable to have a pay rise 'because some1 has complained about your work'  . 35 years ago, DH and I decided recently that I should have taken the Company to Court for whatever the word might be  .  What ever, it almost cost our marriage.

Let us know how you get on.  Legal advice first I think ..... finding some1 who is au fait with employment laws.   

[Beatrixx]

Thank you CLKD & jaypo, it is so nice to know that I'm not alone.

I've just finished a meeting with HR and my line manager. The HR person was very understanding and helped me raise a grievance in a way which doesn't breach confidentially. I'm not going to let madam (as I like to call her) get away with this.

I did contact the union but I've only been in this job for 2 months and my union membership only started two weeks ago. My issues with this person started before I joined the union.

Perhaps whilst at home make a note of incoming and outgoings to see where you are financially.  That will take some of the stress off should U decide to leave.

This made me laugh, because this is exactly how I spent my Easter weekend. I looked to see if I could retire early - I can on one pension but I wouldn't get enough to survive on until my other pension reaches my agreed retirement age. Plus I looked at what outgoings I could cut. Just have to win the lottery, I suppose

Again thank you so much for your kind words. I will let know what happens.

[sheila99]

This isn't your fault. Some women have few symptoms, most of us are on this forum because we've had a hard time so we do understand what it's like. I think you're right to fight it, she can't get away with you driving you out of your job. Sorry I'm no help with job advice either but I think they can't discriminate because of meno symptoms? Can you discuss the issues with your line manager? Perhaps they can offer some insights (and particularly if this woman is a sh*t stirrer). Is the previous team leader still around?

[Dazedandconfused]

This is awful, so sorry you're going through such a horrible time.  The union should help and so should HR if they're worth their salt.  It's not your fault and you shouldn't be treated like this. 

Sending 

[Penguin]

This isn't your fault. Some women have few symptoms, most of us are on this forum because we've had a hard time so we do understand what it's like. I think you're right to fight it, she can't get away with you driving you out of your job. Sorry I'm no help with job advice either but I think they can't discriminate because of meno symptoms? Can you discuss the issues with your line manager? Perhaps they can offer some insights (and particularly if this woman is a sh*t stirrer). Is the previous team leader still around?

Just looked it up. Menopause isn't a protected characteristic in its own right, but OP would be covered under sex and age discrimination, both of which are! I did think they were bringing new employment legislation in though, protecting women in menopause but seems like it hasn't happened yet.

[Penguin]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but heartened to read you were able to raise a grievance with HR. Was this about the statement during the mediation session? It sounds absolutely awful and (even though I know you couldn't relay exactly what was said) I can't believe this person was allowed to read a statement out like that. How is that even mediation, I mean what on earth were you meant to say in response? But I am glad you are getting support and I totally agree with others that you shouldn't be pushed out of your job. Menopause can knock your confidence enough as it is, without things like that being allowed to happen. It never fails to shock me how women can tear each other down rather than support each other. You're doing the right thing standing up to her!

[CLKD]

Has she been pushed side-ways so that you have been employed?  MayB she has a grudge way beyond your menopause.

Do U feel supported?  You'll see that we are a mine of information about mostly everything:including menopause 

[Beatrixx]

Has she been pushed side-ways so that you have been employed?  MayB she has a grudge way beyond your menopause.

Do U feel supported?  You'll see that we are a mine of information about mostly everything:including menopause 

She applied for my job and didn't get it. She does have a grudge, but it shouldn't with me. She trying her darn best to ensure I look incompetent therefore the wrong hire. Disclosing my menopause woes gave her the ammunition she needed.

I do feel supported, thank you. This forum is great, you are all great

[Beatrixx]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but heartened to read you were able to raise a grievance with HR. Was this about the statement during the mediation session? It sounds absolutely awful and (even though I know you couldn't relay exactly what was said) I can't believe this person was allowed to read a statement out like that. How is that even mediation, I mean what on earth were you meant to say in response? But I am glad you are getting support and I totally agree with others that you shouldn't be pushed out of your job. Menopause can knock your confidence enough as it is, without things like that being allowed to happen. It never fails to shock me how women can tear each other down rather than support each other. You're doing the right thing standing up to her!

Thank you. It was about the statement made during the mediation session. I couldn't use her exact words but what I can do is say she made unfounded claims against me which have caused me distress and ruined my reputation. She then be forced to bring her claims to the open and have to justify them. I've done nothing wrong, I didn't choose to go through the menopause. Gosh, I wish it was a choice!!

[fiftyplus]

She clearly has a grudge against you, as you got the job and she didn't.  It is obvious to us and it should be to HR too, they should be backing you! and it is her who should be worried for her job, as it sounds like she has been gunning for you.  She sounds a real nasty piece of work.  Take good care of and look after yourself.  Let us know how you get on? x

[PearlJ]

That’s shocking. The attitude to menopause at work is still really bad. My boss (a man) got invited to a menopause video training course and thought it was hilarious and joked about it in front of me with another male colleague who was also invited.
Your experience sounds complex but your opening up about the menopause has been used against you which is bloody awful! I wonder if you can get a free half hour with an employment lawyer?

[VioletAquarius]

How awful is that!

I don't really know what to say, apart from they'll soon think back to this if the menopause badly effects them or a close family member/friend!

You say you've heard rumours you're struggling to do your job - are you?  If you're not, the management will see that.

See if you can get some free legal advice.  Some solicitors do a free 30 minute consultation and some insurance policies offer it too I believe.

There's also the below link.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/legal-advice/

[CLKD]

Pearl; Jules - this attitude seems to be across the Board!   No one can be made redundant if the job remains 'live'.  That's a case for un-fair dismissal.

Hopefully your feel supported at work Beatrixx?  Employment Law might be the way to go whilst U take a break, CAB used to give good advice but don't know if they still exist and meno-brain here can't remember what 'cab' stands for 

[Dazedandconfused]

Pearl; Jules - this attitude seems to be across the Board!   No one can be made redundant if the job remains 'live'.  That's a case for un-fair dismissal.

Hopefully your feel supported at work Beatrixx?  Employment Law might be the way to go whilst U take a break, CAB used to give good advice but don't know if they still exist and meno-brain here can't remember what 'cab' stands for 

Citizens Advice Bureau