Apologies in advance, this has all been said before on here by someone, somewhere. Started on Duet which wasn’t great for me and have now been given Femoston, same low dose. Only a couple of days in so we’ll see how that goes.
I have a few physical symptoms, anger and frustration like I’ve never felt but my main problem is feelings of anxiety and being completely overwhelmed by life. Everything seems futile, I seem to have very low self esteem and often feel that I am alive rather than living. Yet, despite craving a bit more out of life ie not just here for everyone else, I feel completely helpless to do anything about it! Then of course I blame myself and it's a downward spiral of negative thinking.
I have let myself become scruffy, hate shopping for clothes because of weight gain, cannot summon the energy to exercise, I ache and generally feel like a lump. Until peri I exercised regularly and enjoyed it. Now I hide myself away, and though my sons joke about how I always seem to engage in conversation when shopping etc, I have zero social life. There seems to be a mismatch with how other people see me and how I really am. I am thoroughly ashamed of myself. If someone asked me to go out I would make an excuse and I literally don’t even know what people wear to go out anymore! I have three or four good friends all of which are more than an hour away as we met as military wives.
My sons, who are adopted, found school quite difficult so we didn’t really develop the friendships with other parents that one might - and we moved around with the army. Husband left the army 7 years ago so we’re no longer part of that community and I think that coincided with peri kicking in at 43/44.
Possibly all sounds very trite and I know intellectually what I should be doing but can’t do anything. Horrid morbid thoughts, feeling that my life is basically over at 49. The only thing that gets me out of bed is having dogs that need walking, however as they are all special needs rescues I can’t leave them even for a short beak. My own fault again!. I just want to escape.
My husband travels a lot with work ( has just been to Malaga for four days conference), I have had one night away without children etc in about ten years. Even going away for a weekend seems to be impossible. These feelings have really impacted in my marriage and I sometimes think that if DH leaves me it will be a relief, one less person I am letting down in a daily basis. I feel very strongly that this is hormone related, I certainly was not like this a few years ago and have had my fair share of freedom, travel and adventure. It’s like looking back at a completely different woman. I just feel I need someone to take me by the hand and lead me away but of course can’t go anywhere because I am a responsible adult! Sorry to rant.
