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[Michele]

Hi ladies I seriously need some help, I am post menopausal, I’m on anti-depressants for depression and anxiety also hrt. I’m really struggling with lack of patience, irritability and anger, so much so it’s ruining everything including my marriage and my relationship with my children. I feel a complete burden on my doctors and feel like I’m always pestering them. I’ve been to my physiologist today and she has suggested I have PMDD and to see a gynaecologist. I’m reaching out to you in the hope you can put my mind at rest that I’m not the evil monster I think I am and hopefully someone here can help put my mind at rest. I don’t really know what to do anymore, the only thing I do know is that I’m at the end of my tether and I can’t carry on like this, I desperately need help. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Xxx

[Taz2]

Hi Michele. Just wanted you to know that your post has been read and that you will find much support, friendship and understanding on here.

Which type of HRT are you on as some progesterones can give side effects such as anger and irritability.

Taz x   

[Hopeful]

Dear Michele
I am so sorry you l so overwhelmed by what you are going through. I am struggling, like many others on this forum,with the emotional side of menopause.
As Taz2 says it maybe a side effect of your HRT. Please don’t be too hard on yourself.
Sending you big hugs.

[Michele]

Hi Taz, thank you for your reply. I’m in kilofem.
I’ve only just joined here and this is my first post. At the moment I seem to be really bad for three weeks and ok for a week then it starts again.
I’m so scared I’m going to stuck here where I am forever.
As soon as I get angry, I know I’m doing it, I’m fully aware of what I’m doing and saying but I can’t stop myself, it’s like I’m completely out of control.
Then I get upset, lock myself away sobbing and send myself on the biggest guilt trip because I’m such a horrible person.
I just don’t know how much more of this I can cope with, I know it’s not possible but I’d love someone to wave a magic wand and for me to go back to being a lovely wife, mum and friend that I once was instead of feeling like I do.
I look forward very much to chatting to people on here and hopefully in time plucking up courage to share more and help others on their journey too.

[CLKD]

Hormones  .

How is your diet over all? Low blood sugar/lack of energy can cause rages.  I had them, Big Time.  Think of a child who is angry when it's meal is late?

Explain to your family that this is hormonal.  Delegate around the house too so that chores don't overwhelm.  Print out 'hints for husbands' from this site and hand over ;-).

'The Change' - does what it says on the tin.  Some find keeping a mood/food/syptom diary of use.

[Dierdre]

I had the same problem on oral hrt femiston, my family didnt recognise me i was so angry and awful. Was like constant pmt. Changed to femseven patch and was fine. Change your hrt and see the difference, hope it works for you.

[Taz2]

That lovely wife, mum and friend is still in there so don't despair that she's disappeared for ever

Deidre is right that a change of HRT could be all that is needed. Kliofem has Norethisterone as the progesterone and this is notorious for causing PMT type symptoms. It affects me in the same way. I changed to FemSeven and all that anger disappeared. How long have you been on kliofem and what were your symptoms before starting it?

Taz x

[jillydoll]

Hi 

I had the same anger. I totally understand what your going through. It’s dreadful.
I had NEVER had so much anger in my life before,  I’m totally the opposite, so it was totally out of character for me too.
I hated myself for so long.
I even had an anger outburst with my OH in the car, which made us crash into someone! …no one was hurt, but the stress of everything made me feel devastated. A terrible time for everyone.

It will get better for you. Once my HRT got sorted, I was back to myself again.
I’m sure your family understands. Maybe you should sit them down and explain to them what’s happening. ? Tell them you love them and that you can’t control the anger when it’s there, and that you don’t mean to be like it.

Like the others have said, maybe you need to change the hrt. One size doesn’t fit all, as it were, I had to change mine, I’m on Femoston conti now.

Hang on in there, I know how hard it is, but you will feel better, just keep holding onto that thought.

Xxxx

[Suzysheep]

Just to add, your not alone.
My anxiety has turned me into someone I really don’t recognise. My sound sensitivity has changed to super human. I could honestly hear a pin drop at a rock concert!!! I’m ratty, tearful, lethargic and wired all at the same time.
I completely understand how it feels to need to change it ASAP. It almost raises a complete panic that you’ll be stuck like it.

What will trigger your anger off? Can you remove yourself from the situation? Can you have earphones near you at home to play calming distracting music when you feel the need to chastise someone?
Just some thoughts.

[ElkWarning]

I have volcanic anger, fury, it's way beyond irritability.

I was diagnosed with PMDD (was called something different back then) when I was younger, and I'm just watching my daughter go through the same diagnostic process.  I can remember how frightening it was for me, and lonely, and how much I hated myself.  Luckily (for her) she's able to draw on my strength and experience - also her Dad is a total rock in this respect.  During peri and menopause I had a pretty rough ride.  I hadn't understood that progesterone was a trigger, and I'm still not 100% on the process.  Anyway ...

I get what you mean about knowing you're doing it, almost watching yourself doing it.  For me, I also had some perverse pleasure thing going on, wanting to wreck it all, feeling spiteful, furious, kind of enjoying making other people suffer.  Only a bad person does this stuff, so I must be a bad person, and I couldn't get better from being a bad person, that was just who I was.  Hmmmm, No!  I was really suffering and in a lot of pain (mostly emotional, some physical).  I didn't know how to be 'weak' and so I came out fighting, anyone and everything.  The breakthrough for me was acknowledging that I was hurting, and if I could catch myself as the volcano began to bubble, then I'd often find myself crying it out before I got to the stage of wanting to slug it out.  It was as if I had a lifetime of tears locked inside me and I had to turn the tap on bit by bit to avoid the tsunami of rage.

There's an interesting book called Trauma is Really Strange.  It explains how fear and anger are related to pain and suffering - all part of the same continuum - and what I could do to try and manage the latter in order to avoid the former.  I was a train wreck for a while, and although I'm not 100% better now, at least I'm on the right track, and the carriages aren't on fire any more.

Hope you get some relief.

[CLKD]

Pre Menstrual Syndrome really happens.  Dr Kath Dalton did a lot of research in the 1970s/80s and formed the National Association for Pre-menstrual Syndrome (NAPS).  In the mid-1980s I was advised to eat every 3 hours, 24/7 - I keep to this regime to this very day though not so much in the night.  The idea is to stop those lack of energy surges which cause all kinds of problems, she represented women in Court who had committed murder at those particular 'times of the month'.


True PMT happens in the 10-14 days prior to a period.  Once the bleed begins the symptoms go away.  However, when hormones are up and down, it can continue to niggle even after the period starts.

[Michele]

ElkWarning, you have just summed me up completely.

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

ElkWarning - reading your comments was very interesting as I think I have the same problem but with anxiety that is buried under sadness.
P
 If I allow myself to cry I notice that the anxiety lifts  and I feel calmer. This may be the normal response to letting feelings out of course but I was never much of a cryer before the menopause and infact in the early days of meno I wanted to cry but couldn't. Like you I feel that I have a lifetime of tears locked inside me. 

Just lately I have allowed myself to 'have a good cry' and sometimes just thinking about it helps to calm me down. I also allow myself little tearful outbursts during the day and that seems to relieve the pressure as well.

I assume the act of crying is part of the human condition and we have it for a good reason. I know that I would rather be tearful than anxious because there appears to be benefits from shedding tears and a sort of unblocking of emotion so it can be a positive experience.

To all you other ladies - I completely sympathise and I could have written many of your posts.
The emotional side of the menopause is such a roller-coaster that we need as many strategies as possible to live through it and remain sane.

Wishing you all well.

K.

[sheila99]

I also think your hrt needs changing. For me the anger was low oestrogen but it can also be the progestogen doesn't agree with you. It's horrible when you turn into a monster, my family suffered too. The real 'you' is still in there, it's just a matter your medication right.

[ElkWarning]

I assume the act of crying is part of the human condition and we have it for a good reason. I know that I would rather be tearful than anxious because there appears to be benefits from shedding tears and a sort of unblocking of emotion so it can be a positive experience.

K.

Yes, I only found out recently that crying releases oxytocin and endorphins, and there's currently research into weather oxytocin can be used to treat anxiety.  As we know, endorphins are usually provoked via exercise, but crying also gets them going.