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[Sickntired]

Im back asking questions because im lost today.  Half day at work which ended badly.
Not bosses or massive problem but a noticeable mistake,  that made me doubt my own ability to what, i dont know.  I cant stop working but unless i can laugh this off as tiredness/ wasnt thinking ill be back at square one.   Anyway not wholly relevant.  Id sit and cry but pretty apathetic to greater or lesser degree.   I feel detached on some things which i think feeds an already present feeling of boredom at work.   Today i ruminated (silently) as i did my repetative tasks , which i dont know is depression in itself.  I have to much time doing this stuff that its all i can think about.   I want to cry but cant i just feel alone, lost and not in a good place. 
I had started doing very obvious mistakes at work, biggies ,it was scary.   At that point coincidentally nhs meno clinic dr phones replying to my call  to gp  several days before , for repeat prescription of testosterone.   I had 2 to 3 days maybe when i phoned.   She cant without a blood test,   booked but about 8 days from then ,  i go , get tested,  i tell her (i have  a list of the mistakes) she gives me useless spiel about menopause policy in the workplace.   I explain my workplace and my job - she says oh i see.    So i wait over a week , no phone call,  now no testosterone (2nd week and more )  eventuall phone call to say very surprised my testosterone is now lower than when i first started taking it.

Initially i was making mistakes and it was prescribed , about a year ago,  then it got better but she said my blood level was too high so i had to take it on alternate week days, which i did.

She asks if ive been taking the medication?   I wanted to say what do you think? You told me to cut it down!   So she prescribes it , and i wait a few days for phone call and it to be ordered and delivered to local chemist .   Just under a month whilst also being devoid of the stuff completely!    Meanwhile i take Femeston  1/10mg (im not sure if that means one tenth of a mg or 1 batch (?) 10mg   , no periods for about 5 th month now .  Yesterday was last grey pill ,  today i feel like sludge , irrational reaction to my mistake,  depressed in a way and for the past week if not 2 as if my focus has slowly gotten worse like what we suspect ADD would be like.   Struggle to retain anything or whats worse , at points understand anything,  if i do get a glimmer of understanding,   its gone as quickly .   Im not making connections on things that would be obvious even if noticed on periphery of your vision in everyday routine circumstances.   
Im doing an O U access course which is meant to be second attempt to change my future to get a job id enjoy rather than pick from a small list of either long hours on yr feet,   hands continually in water,  repetative,  no responsibility  nor skill requirement.   Ive done a lifetime i want to be proud of myself , acheive something.    But if this is going to be  a continual thing to expect,  where do i go from here?   
Does any of this , at this stage sound familiar?   Did anyone get medication change,   or have this  problem on this medication?   
Im fit,  i run,  i walk to work,  not overweight,  diet is good , veggie,  could cut out biscuits n stuff , no booze , no smokes.   I dunno where to go from here.      I phoned the dr and made appointment to point out todays mistake and my thinking as irrational as i was at the time.
Husband is lovely and bosses try but it doesnt help or change anything.   Theyre just trying to run a small business in a pandemic with a sole worker who cant function and today is scared and now quite depressed.     Sorry for the length of post.

[Padine]

Oh dear Sickntired, I think you've just described how a lot of people (men too) are feeling because of the pandemic. Being an intelligent person, you are trying to find a reason for your mistakes and you are considering every possible cause. Your GP sounds not herself, and that's not your fault, but she is human like the rest of us. Menopause policy in the workplace? Yeh, maybe among the medical profession but I found MP unrecognised where I worked (and the worst offender in my experience was the last boss I had - a younger woman - who clearly bullied me).
Medication change is tricky as we don't know how we are or should be, reacting, please try not to feel it's wrong to feel muddled up as you do 

Do you think you are doing too much just now? I know it's easy for me to say that Sickntired and I envy your fitness ability and healthy living, especially with the opportunity to resist comfort eating just now - that's a few things you are doing right when a few of us are doing it wrong  (me for one!) Maybe this is time to focus on exactly what you want to do and just one "want" at a time? Your husband sounds a good one, lean on him if he's happy to do so.

I'm no expert, but throw the menopause into how you feel and that's a recipe for feeling unsettled, getting upset at the smallest thing and confused/unhappy with meds. Have you had a look at the funny threads+posts on "This n' that" on the MM board? It definitely makes for a feelgood few minutes and before you know it, 5 happy minutes have gone by instead of 5 unhappy ones!

Keep chatting and tell us how things go, hope you have something happy planned for the weekend, even if it's just a long lie tomorrow!