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[Dandelion]

When I first went into peri, before I started hrt, just before, or on waking, scary thoughts/worries used to “accost” me out of the blue.
I am probably not on enough oestrogen, however I have had abnormal bleeds and after seeing doctor and gynaecologist I don’t want more oestrogen as I don’t want bleeds back. They know the amount I am on. 50mcg gel and 200 mg prog.
I can put up with needing a fan by the bed, better than abnormal bleeds.
Anyway, sometimes these thoughts that “accost” me turn out to be real, e.g. things I fear I forgot to do, only to find out I really did forget.
Bottom line, is it normal yo be “accosted” by scary, negative thoughts/realisations in peri or meno?
Does anyone else either on hrt or not on it get them?

[Iris67]

For years (pre and post) I would get sudden 'waves' of dread and fear - as if I was going to lost my mind. They would go as fast as they arrived. It was random, sudden and they were very powerful. I would just say to myself: it's your hormones and try to ride it out, or verbalise to anyone who would listen so it didn't get a grip on me. It was like a mini panic attack.

[Dandelion]

For years (pre and post) I would get sudden 'waves' of dread and fear - as if I was going to lost my mind. They would go as fast as they arrived. It was random, sudden and they were very powerful. I would just say to myself: it's your hormones and try to ride it out, or verbalise to anyone who would listen so it didn't get a grip on me. It was like a mini panic attack.

I am really sorry that you have to go through this.
I hope this has stopped for you.
I wish I could distinguish real fears from false ones.

[Iris67]

Hey Dandelion - we're the same age. I am pretty much out the other side now and yes it's 90% better than it was. Now it's just depression and losing the will.....all very real stuff relating to ageing, too many health challenges and wondering if I'm made of tough enough stuff for the rest of life. I like my life - I don't wish myself dead, but I can't really see any point to the gradual grimness of old age. The current urinary incontinence is really grinding me down. Not scared of death, more scared of poor quality life. Wish I'd appreciated my earlier years more - even up to 50.

[Dandelion]

Hey Dandelion - we're the same age. I am pretty much out the other side now and yes it's 90% better than it was. Now it's just depression and losing the will.....all very real stuff relating to ageing, too many health challenges and wondering if I'm made of tough enough stuff for the rest of life. I like my life - I don't wish myself dead, but I can't really see any point to the gradual grimness of old age. The current urinary incontinence is really grinding me down. Not scared of death, more scared of poor quality life. Wish I'd appreciated my earlier years more - even up to 50.

Hello Iris.
I am so sorry you are experiencing urinary incontinence.
Have you seen your doctor about this?
Did you know that this site has a sister site regarding bladders.https://bladdermatters.co.uk/
It sounds so sad that you are less scared of death than life. I know plenty of older women who live life to the full with health conditions.
I have to have a blood test for coeliac disease.
Been putting it off since November. Booked today for nine days time.
Old age does not have to be green, I’m remember a lady telling me that she had a urinary incontinence and she attended groups that did activities.

[Iris67]

Hi Dandelion - yes I've been to a urogynaecologist...she basically put all my symptoms down to the menopause and prescribed vaginal oestrogen. She didn't do any scans or tests. And it was under the last little bit of private insurance I had (hubs lost his job). The more I think about it the more annoyed I am! I have a history of both cervical and breast cancer!

I've emailed her to ask why. I'm getting kind of 'bladder spasms' for want of a better description. Hoping I don't have MS or something with the incontinence having a neurogenic cause.

[Dandelion]

Hi Dandelion - yes I've been to a urogynaecologist...she basically put all my symptoms down to the menopause and prescribed vaginal oestrogen. She didn't do any scans or tests. And it was under the last little bit of private insurance I had (hubs lost his job). The more I think about it the more annoyed I am! I have a history of both cervical and breast cancer!

I've emailed her to ask why. I'm getting kind of 'bladder spasms' for want of a better description. Hoping I don't have MS or something with the incontinence having a neurogenic cause.

It sounds as if you are not in the UK.
It sounds as if the urogynaecologist didn’t do a thorough job.
Sorry to hear about this.
Are you in a position to see anyone else?
Please try not to worry about other disorders, worry does no good, although it’s hard when you’ve had cancer - sorry to hear about that.
I hope you can get seen.
Some days I can’t empty my bladder properly, today was ok though.
I have to notice worries coming up, I can’t stop them but I am practising just noticing the thoughts but not engaging them.
Keeping busy helped me today as I talked myself through each thing I did as much as I could, to stay in the present, and I tried to catch painful thoughts and acknowledge but not identify with them.

[Dorothy]

I regularly get waves of dread or anxiety out of nowhere - started when I started getting peri symptoms.  I also get feelings of grief and will sometimes start crying for no reason.  I've found that I can work out if these feelings are 'real' or not by stopping and thinking about them - the 'real' feelings can be linked to a cause - e.g. worried about starting a new job, feeling sadness over a past bereavement as we approach an anniversary, but the 'fake' feelings aren't linked to anything - I'm feeling an emotion that isn't linked to any specific 'cause'.  I've also learned that I experience some physical changes (a 'tingly' feeling under my skin and the skin on my face feels tight) at these times.  I've found that acknowledging these feelings and reminding myself that they're not real does help.  If I find that the feeling isn't a 'real' one, it helps to remind myself of this ' "Yes, you're feeling really upset now, but that's just your hormones talking, there's really nothing to be worried about."  It's bizarre, but it does make me feel better.  "It's not me, it's the menopause" makes me calm down a bit!!!

[Postmeno3]

Yes, something I try to do is quite simple, no great analysis. "Is this (irrational) emotion based on fact?" The simple answer, "No" (more often than not) seems to immediately soothe and reset? Keep looking for FACTS only. Good luck!

[PeriWhat?!]

Totally agree with Dorothy and Postmeno3 here - I find I have to try really hard to identify the cause behind the feeling and then try to ride it out if I can identify it as hormone-related. Yoga-type breathing, or going outside for some air and exercise help sometimes. I try to avoid alcohol when I feel like this because it makes things worse.

[Dandelion]

I regularly get waves of dread or anxiety out of nowhere - started when I started getting peri symptoms.  I also get feelings of grief and will sometimes start crying for no reason.  I've found that I can work out if these feelings are 'real' or not by stopping and thinking about them - the 'real' feelings can be linked to a cause - e.g. worried about starting a new job, feeling sadness over a past bereavement as we approach an anniversary, but the 'fake' feelings aren't linked to anything - I'm feeling an emotion that isn't linked to any specific 'cause'.  I've also learned that I experience some physical changes (a 'tingly' feeling under my skin and the skin on my face feels tight) at these times.  I've found that acknowledging these feelings and reminding myself that they're not real does help.  If I find that the feeling isn't a 'real' one, it helps to remind myself of this ' "Yes, you're feeling really upset now, but that's just your hormones talking, there's really nothing to be worried about."  It's bizarre, but it does make me feel better.  "It's not me, it's the menopause" makes me calm down a bit!!!

What if my intrusive thoughts are related to an aspect of a cause, e.g. “this could turn out really bad” how do I know if that is real or just my fear?

[Dandelion]

Yes, something I try to do is quite simple, no great analysis. "Is this (irrational) emotion based on fact?" The simple answer, "No" (more often than not) seems to immediately soothe and reset? Keep looking for FACTS only. Good luck!

It’s easier said than done though because the thoughts I get are fears of a bad outcome related to a real problem and I still can’t tell if the thoughts are heralding real bad news or just imagined bad news.

[Dorothy]

I regularly get waves of dread or anxiety out of nowhere - started when I started getting peri symptoms.  I also get feelings of grief and will sometimes start crying for no reason.  I've found that I can work out if these feelings are 'real' or not by stopping and thinking about them - the 'real' feelings can be linked to a cause - e.g. worried about starting a new job, feeling sadness over a past bereavement as we approach an anniversary, but the 'fake' feelings aren't linked to anything - I'm feeling an emotion that isn't linked to any specific 'cause'.  I've also learned that I experience some physical changes (a 'tingly' feeling under my skin and the skin on my face feels tight) at these times.  I've found that acknowledging these feelings and reminding myself that they're not real does help.  If I find that the feeling isn't a 'real' one, it helps to remind myself of this ' "Yes, you're feeling really upset now, but that's just your hormones talking, there's really nothing to be worried about."  It's bizarre, but it does make me feel better.  "It's not me, it's the menopause" makes me calm down a bit!!!

What if my intrusive thoughts are related to an aspect of a cause, e.g. “this could turn out really bad” how do I know if that is real or just my fear?

I find it helps to keep a record of my worries - by tracing the pattern, I can often see how irrational my fears have been.

For example, regarding health anxiety, during the past two months I have 'felt' that I was suffering from: a brain tumour, breast cancer, bowel cancer, stomach cancer, heart attack, brain aneurism, blood clot in the leg, vaginal cancer, cervical cancer...that works out at more than one terminal illness/fatal condition a week!  So when the tenth health panic popped up this morning, I could review my list from the last 8 weeks and ask myself how likely it is that I would be suffering from 10 terminal illnesses at the same time?  And if I'm not suffering from all 10, then why is it any more likely that I'm suffering from 1 of them than from the other 9? 

It doesn't always work - sometimes I just have to ride out the hormone surge until it eases.  But quite often, I can talk myself out of panicking! 

Same thing with other worries.  Examine the facts, ask myself how likely it is, and when my brain comes back with 'but it could mean...' respond sharply with 'but it also could not mean' and go and do something else to take my mind off it!

[Dandelion]

I regularly get waves of dread or anxiety out of nowhere - started when I started getting peri symptoms.  I also get feelings of grief and will sometimes start crying for no reason.  I've found that I can work out if these feelings are 'real' or not by stopping and thinking about them - the 'real' feelings can be linked to a cause - e.g. worried about starting a new job, feeling sadness over a past bereavement as we approach an anniversary, but the 'fake' feelings aren't linked to anything - I'm feeling an emotion that isn't linked to any specific 'cause'.  I've also learned that I experience some physical changes (a 'tingly' feeling under my skin and the skin on my face feels tight) at these times.  I've found that acknowledging these feelings and reminding myself that they're not real does help.  If I find that the feeling isn't a 'real' one, it helps to remind myself of this ' "Yes, you're feeling really upset now, but that's just your hormones talking, there's really nothing to be worried about."  It's bizarre, but it does make me feel better.  "It's not me, it's the menopause" makes me calm down a bit!!!

What if my intrusive thoughts are related to an aspect of a cause, e.g. “this could turn out really bad” how do I know if that is real or just my fear?

I find it helps to keep a record of my worries - by tracing the pattern, I can often see how irrational my fears have been.

For example, regarding health anxiety, during the past two months I have 'felt' that I was suffering from: a brain tumour, breast cancer, bowel cancer, stomach cancer, heart attack, brain aneurism, blood clot in the leg, vaginal cancer, cervical cancer...that works out at more than one terminal illness/fatal condition a week!  So when the tenth health panic popped up this morning, I could review my list from the last 8 weeks and ask myself how likely it is that I would be suffering from 10 terminal illnesses at the same time?  And if I'm not suffering from all 10, then why is it any more likely that I'm suffering from 1 of them than from the other 9? 

It doesn't always work - sometimes I just have to ride out the hormone surge until it eases.  But quite often, I can talk myself out of panicking! 

Same thing with other worries.  Examine the facts, ask myself how likely it is, and when my brain comes back with 'but it could mean...' respond sharply with 'but it also could not mean' and go and do something else to take my mind off it!
Thank you for sharing.