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[Cassie]

Morning ladies, I am feeling a bit down today & was hoping for some honest advice as to whether I am being overly sensitive, and to tell me to get a grip.
So I am an over thinker, always have been & a big worrier, my mom was the same, she would worry about us non stop even when she was in her 90s she would still worry about her children, I am exactly the same.
My daughter has recently moved out of home into her own little place which is lovely for her. I have been helping her with settling in and some meals and unpacking boxes etc, she was a bit tearful at first but very excited, it was just all a bit overwhelming. I was with her till late night last week and left to drive home in the dark. My daughter saw us off and walked us down to her garden gate, she has very few street lights in the area she lives in so it is really dark at night. I had a friend with and I commented to my friend that I am worried that between walking up from her garden gate to her cottage she trips or something happens and she falls over and hits her head and lies there all night. It was what was on my mind at the time and I was silly enough to vocalise it. This person proceeded to tell me how pathetic I am and repeated the words pathetic over and over and said how can you be so ridiculous, you need help. Only old people fall over or drunk people and she is neither so basically told me to get a grip. I did call daughter to find out if she was safely in her cottage and had locked up for the night, but I felt really hurt at the friends reaction. Please tell me if I am being silly and overly sensitive, that I can give myself a right royal talking to.  I know it sounds silly now but at the time, I was stressing about that situation and I felt my friend was a bit harsh, but perhaps, its me who is being ridiculous about it.

[Aprilflower]

Sounds like your friend overreacted.  In her defense she is probably right that you are worrying too much, however it was no reason to be rude and hurtful. 

Perhaps she is hiding a problem which is giving her a short fuse, particularly if this out burst is out of character.

[Suziemc]

Wow. I wouldn't say your friend was a bit harsh, I'd say totally out of order! Is she usually that forthright and unthinking about the effects of her words on people? Aprilflower could be right I'd she's not usually like it.

I do think you are worrying too much, but you are a mum whose baby has flown the nest so you are bound to be a bit anxious, even more so if you are a worrier by nature. Would it help you to try and divert your thoughts to something positive in this sort of situation, for example instead of thinking of her walking up the path and falling, as you drive home, think about helping her choose paint colours for each room in her house in turn until you're home and can check on her to set your mind at rest.

And, don't forget to focus on the fact you have brought up a wonderful young lady who is now in a position to have her own home  - you've done a grand job so try to shrug off those hurtful words and look at what you have achieved x

[Cassie]

Thankyou, I will try to focus my thoughts on more positive things, I do appreciate the advice and kind words, so very much.

[Flossieteacake]

I think your friend is so rude! To actually call you 'pathetic' is cruel in my eyes. I would be just the same as you if I had children. I can understand some would say it is worrying unnecessarily but when you are a worrier you cannot help it. It is only because you love your daughter. I personally would not be friends with somebody who said that to me. I am sensitive too.

[QueenofReds3]

Your friend is being very rude. I am the same as you and when my hormones are all over the place like they are now I think the worst is going to happen to my babies all the time. It may not be rational but that is the way it is. My mum could not care less when I was younger or now so if I want to worry about my girls I shall😊 I am sure she will be absolutely fine though, my eldest fled the nest last year, just be proud that you have a daughter who has her own place and you have taken a big part in her getting to that stage.
If I feel I am worrying overly I try to distract myself with little jobs. I am naturally a worrier and if you are the same then you cannot help how you feel.
Sometimes people say things without thinking though how it may hurt others, no filter etc. X

[Ju Ju]

Hi Cassie. Do you see this friend a lot? If you do, I would suggest you do talk to her about it, if this was out of character. Tell her that while you agree you can be over anxious, her reaction upset you. Give her the chance to apologise. There maybe issues going on in her life that resulted in her responding in this way, but this does not excuse this response. If she talks to you like this at other times, then walk away. Spend time with friends who value you and want to support you rather than undermine you.

By the way, worrying about our loved ones is normal. My husband was and my son is in careers that involved risk. I learned to trust them to look after themselves and assess danger and not put themselves in the way of unnecessary danger. I had to put my fears away in an imaginary box as I wouldn’t have been able to function. And as someone who lives in a place with no street lamps, keep a torch handy!

[Cassie]

Thankyou, yes, we have been friends for many years, I am not aware that she is going through any crisis, I do know she is generally rather a harder person than I am and her attitude is, you have to let them go and what is worrying going to do. I was just hurt by the harshness of the words, but I guess that some people show more empathy than others and am sure it was not meant maliciously but I did feel a fool and had to ask myself am I really being as pathetic as she maintained.

[Flossieteacake]

Thankyou, yes, we have been friends for many years, I am not aware that she is going through any crisis, I do know she is generally rather a harder person than I am and her attitude is, you have to let them go and what is worrying going to do. I was just hurt by the harshness of the words, but I guess that some people show more empathy than others and am sure it was not meant maliciously but I did feel a fool and had to ask myself am I really being as pathetic as she maintained.

You are not pathetic. You are just a caring mother. Please do not let this friend make you doubt yourself.

[KaraShannon]

Thankyou, yes, we have been friends for many years, I am not aware that she is going through any crisis, I do know she is generally rather a harder person than I am and her attitude is, you have to let them go and what is worrying going to do. I was just hurt by the harshness of the words, but I guess that some people show more empathy than others and am sure it was not meant maliciously but I did feel a fool and had to ask myself am I really being as pathetic as she maintained.

Cassie I agree with the others, I think your friend was out of order.  If she's usually a good friend and you don't usually feel like this around her, then I'd maybe drop it or have a chat with her and tell her how it made you feel and that others also thought her use of the word pathetic (not once but a few times) was harsh.  If she's generally not a subtle abuser (yes I am thinking that) then she will explain herself and apologise and you can resolve it.  If not, she will accuse you of being too sensitive. 

Had a lot of experience over the years with this and I now avoid people like that.  But if she's been a good friend up to now, that suggests she's not really like that, so only you can tell.  But you are not over reacting.  You shouldn't have been called pathetic at all.

[getting_old]

I think what she said is not nice but so much depends on the circumstances. You are talking about one incident but what has happened in the past? Is the same scenario played out every time you see her? Do you always tell her how worried you are about stuff, then she always tells you not to worry, etc.? If it's a one off then give her a second chance, but you say that she has always been a "harder" person than you so if you know how she's going to react when you tell her you're worried about stuff then either don't tell her or don't see her, because she's not going to change.

[CLKD]

U worry away.  I still do when DH is away for any length of time  and he usually rings once he's arrived 'there'.  If he is 'late' then I go into worry overdrive. My concern would be tripping over/not being found ......... could U agree with her to 'ring/text in' when you get to your place so that you know she's OK?

It may be that this 'friend' has been keeping her gob shut until this particular incident.  She would be off my C.mas card list, pronto!