On Sunday night I think I had a TIA. 🙁 I suddenly felt strange and not very with it, random thoughts were popping into my head, and I was trying to decide if they were real or not. My first thought was that I was having a breakdown! It was very scary, and I live alone (with my dog), so it was doubly scary. The last couple of years have been very stressful, and it's ongoing with no possible resolution. I called the Samaritans and was struggling to speak, the lady I spoke to suggested that I called 111, which I did. When a doctor called me back, all he said was that he thought I'd be ok, and to contact my GP tomorrow! I now realise that he should have suspected a TIA and sent an ambulance. I also had a headache, which has been there ever since, I'm not normally a headachey person. I was shivering violently for a while, even though it wasn't cold.
On Monday I realised to my horror that it could have been a TIA. My grandmother died from a stroke, which obviously raises my risk. I've been checking my blood pressure every day on my bp monitor, and it's been quite a bit higher than normal. I went to my GP's a few days ago and had an ECG and blood pressure check. I was expecting it to be fine, as I had an ECG in June which was ok. I was shocked when the doctor said I have a slightly irregular heart rate and pulse, and I'm now really scared of having a stroke. I felt strange on Thursday evening and was really scared. I went to bed wondering if I was going to wake up partially paralysed or something. There's a 10% risk of having a fully blown stroke in the week or so after a TIA. 🙄 Living alone, I'm so worried about that happening and not being able to get to hospital, and ending up with irreversible damage. Also that I could die and nobody would know for days, leaving my dog without care. That's a huge worry. I've spoken to a few people who will take care of him if necessary, but that's assuming I'm able to use the phone.
The GP has referred me to the stroke clinic. Presumably it's fast tracked, like potential cancer is. I feel like I'm living with a sword hanging over my head. Stress obviously increases the risk of stroke, but it's impossible not to be stressed in the situation. My greatest fear is having a stroke and being unable to care for myself, and having no quality of life. To me life without independence and being unable to do the things I love isn't worth living. I want to have DNR put on my notes, I'll raise it when I go to the hospital appointment. I've never felt so scared and vulnerable. My family live 80 miles away, which isn't a great help at a time like this, and I have no other relatives. I have great friends locally, thank goodness, so I've made them all aware of the situation. I know they'll help if necessary - assuming I can call for help. I'm taking 75mg of aspirin to help prevent a stroke, but other than that I don't think there's anything else I can do in the short term. I don't smoke or drink, and (struggle to) walk my dog every day, albeit slowly due to having ME and a lung problem. I've also got gallstones, have had some agonising gallbladder attacks and am very worried about having an infected gallbladder or bile duct, which can lead to death from sepsis. All in all, I'm feeling pretty fed up with life! 😢