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[Sickntired]

First -  thank you all who have answered questions in the past,  when ive needed the response that comes in the form of another human who takes the time and by answering,  reaches out to me,  it is always appreciated.  I dont always show it in response esp lately as i dip in and out of feeling an afinity with meno support and shying away.  Its a long story that echoes my personality,  but on steriods aka the meno mood rollercoaster.    Esp today.  I feel no affinity as i feel nothing but i need to sort this.

Question  , without drawn out dosage/med details,  does anyone else have history with mental health issues  and feel  evidently magnified by meno?   I stopped ADs after 30 years but past 18mths slowly more negative so wondering now if my past 3 Flat Couldnt Care Less weeks is in fact a danger sign , not just hormonal? 
I have a slight concern , how can ADs be effective if its hormonal imbalance ?  Even on hrt ,  we know it sometimes takes continual tweaks?
Has anyone started back on ADs and its helped ?  Alongside the hrt ,   and experienced the associated detachment with the pills ?  Did it pass eventually?  I tried last year but 2 weeks of thinking i didnt love my husband anymore was hell and stopped again.   Trouble is , its how i feel now. 
Yesterday i spent all day in anxiety at work, knackered and OCD has kicked in big style ,  wake feeling worse, it dissipates  as the day goes on but the feeling of flat , disinterested with a grey weight of dark negativity (ie horror movie not sadness) is there most of the time. 
I run to help but now it isnt really working....  i feel like im in a thick soup of not quite well mentally...

[Penguin99]

Hi, i would definitely speak to your doctor, hopefully you have an understanding one, not like mine . I had depression years ago, took tablets and basically didn't want to do anything,  feelings differed from day to day, had terrible thoughts and yes I too suffered ocd. I don't quite know why, ( it was a long time ago) but I stopped taking the meds, I presume I felt better. I had cbt for my ocd, didn't really help, but a few years later my ocd seemed to get much better suddenly when we moved house.  I remember once, we were driving to Gatwick airport we had just got on the motorway and i made myhusband go back so i could check bits again. I don't tend to suffers much with that now, I still check the front doors locked and the gas is off when I go to bed, but nowhere near like I used to be. I still have the odd down moment, somedays things that I do make me dwell on old stuff and that gets me down, someday I just shrug it off. I love my husband dearly but now and again I will say to him " I'm not loving you today" and he says "OK, but you will tomorrow " . I understand how you feel because I've been there, you do need support. Is your husband understanding? Mine never used to be great at support because he didn't understand it but since going through meno he has been a great support.  I tell him if I'm having a moaning moment don't bite back as that'll make it worse, just give me a hug and he does. I have become very tearful lately, made a phone call this morning and could feel my emotions brewing. Stress makes my situations worse . I really hope someone who has better advice & support  than me can help, but I just felt I had to answer so you know others do feel the same and you're not alone.
 

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi Sick n tired.

I can be your experiment regarding ads and hrt.  So ads alwasysworked for me through grief/bereavement depression in the old days pre menopause.  When menopause hit over 3 years ago I was still on sertraline (ad) but it stopped working.  Dr thought we just needed to tweak and we did and we tried another ad and another and another and it was hell on earth until they discovered I was menopausal hrt saved me ads did not.  3 years on blipped Dec 19 horrible depression despite being a runner like you and doing exercise etc,,,,so started tweaking hrt decided to try ads again sertraline got up to 200mg was on it for 6 months this year.  Didnt do a thing for depression had 2 weeks of me but that was just the hormones at the right level but it didnt last!!  We switched last week from sertraline to escitalopram in a week so the dip has been horrendous no joy cant take stress cant plan cant see a future dont like people any more the exact opposite to me.  It is a living hell and I have a mental health call in September but I know this is hormones just cant get the balance right.  If the change to escitalopram works for me along with hrt 100mg and 25mg evorel patch mirena coil I will rejoice and tell you.  I know we are all different trying to find what works.  Its hard work im just trying to pretend all the time im ok as I am sick to death of only having the menopause on my brain and googling anything to do with menopause ads hrt.  Fed up to the back teeth so I feel your pain.

[charliegirl]

Hi ladies, I have been on ADs  for anxietyfor many years. Most of the time they work but like this week have had a huge estrogen drop and feel like crawling into a hole and staying there! Its horrific, and nothing will shift it. The only saving grace is that I know its hormonal! I would rather have a leg broken!

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

When it comes to the emotional side of the menopause I was strangely comforted to read the symptom checker here on this forum. The list of psychological symptoms is very thorough and confirms that hormones can be responsible for a lot of the problems we have at this time in our lives.

Wishing you well ladies.

K.

[jillydoll]

Hi
I upped my dosage of my hrt, and my god, I've had depression all week. It only dawned on me yesterday that it's probably the extra progesterone. So I've decreased now.
I didn't want anyone, not even my OH touching me, I didn't want cuddles, kisses, nothing. I even questioned if I liked him anymore. I just wanted to get my coat on, and go. Horrible feeling. Truly dreadful. And as for the crying, well, talk about red eye syndrome! 
Horrible, terrible week or so I've had.
Charliegirls right, a broken leg would be better. I can cope with pain, but with depression,  Hormonal depression is the pits!

Xx

[Baby]

Oh Sickntired I have suffered with mental health since my early twenties but with counciling and AD I had a preety good life. Then in 2014 Iwhen I was 46 I started to have low speels but they only lasted about 2 weeks then say I would be fine for 6 months then I would have another low spell lasting between 2 weeks to a month then I would be fine again. My periods were as regular as clockwork so meno never crossed my mind. Then in February 2019 one morning I woke up with pure panic which lasted about ten minutes. Since then completely downhill. Doctor has changed AD they do not help in any way, why would they I know its hormonal, on my fourth try of a HRT, but I just don't think it's going to work for me. When I had what I call my normal before mental issues certain things in life made me anxious which might make no sense to some people but my God I have never had anxiety like I do know. Some days it's so bad I want to get in my car and drive into a brick wall. Yesterday I felt great had people round cooked for them drank wine laughed. Today I have cried most of the day and wanted to strangle my husband for breathing. I tried to keep a diary for a while to try to see if there was a pattern but nothing. The only thing that keeps me going is I think this can't go on for ever. But the answer to your question is yes iit has intensified hundred fold.x

[DS68]

Not sure how I can help only to say I have felt almost all in the comments.
I've struggled for over 2 years now and gosh it's been so testing, exhausting terrifying and sad.

I have had OCD on and off during my life but I've managed to keep it under control and stop myself from getting into the awful cycle. Starve it and it does stop as I'm sure most who have suffered it know.

I am sure ive had some sort of mental break down over the past 2 years and really can't remember how bad I was at my worst. Literally going through the motions and just pretending I'm coping.  But utter fear at one point and called Samaritans.  That was at my lowest point, don't even remember what I spoke about just cried and cried...I became so sad and felt such a failure in everything.
Guilt from taking ADs secretly and keeping how bad I felt from everyone except a stranger on the phone.  Such a lonely time.

2 years on and well I'm getting better slowly, functioning ok with work life balance but I seem to live in constant fear of that awful depression and anxiety returning.  Am on the gel 1 pump a day and ustro.  Still on AD 20 years now, originally for pnd, but I've stopped feeling guilty or reading the negative comments people write about them.  AD have and continue to help me, could I go without them now, I'm not sure, but I am sure that I couldn't face another time of being so low and lost.

I have felt ok on the gel. I still don't understand the menopause, I have men in my life and no women to ask this the reason I found this site. It's my go to place when I feel.anxious.  Helps me ground myself again.

I sometimes read the funny side of Meno as it cheers me up 😊

You know, I believe the menopause does end and slow leaves us with some normality but it takes it.blimmin time to sod off and often returns uninvited.  I've just learnt to not be so afraid of it as I was. It's just part of me letting go I guess.

Gosh that's all a bit deep! Or dull 🤣
Love to all


 

[Penguin99]

bless you ds68, at least you found the courage to pick up the phone. A few months ago I felt very very sad, I tried to explain to my husband but no matter what he tried to do or say it didn't help. I would go to work and text him, quite deep, probably what I couldn't say but could write down, the one response I remember was how he said, he remembers me as a strong independent woman that I once was, really made me think I'm not going to let this meno take over. I do sometimes still feel a little sad but I try to think of my sons and positive things to look forward  to. I sometimes dwell on the past, and if I'm not careful it will really drag me down. I have pretty much beat my ocd I can leave the house and not panic like I used to, thankfully I was never as bad as some, I watched a program once & this poor lad could hardly make it upstairs because of counting, then when he got to his bedroom he couldn't enter until his ritual of tapping the doorframe so many times and repeating it, I really felt for him.
Take care 

[DS68]

Hi Penguin

I've adopted a similar attitude  over the past year. As my eldest son reminded me of how strong I was previously before I became a quivering wreck, afraid of practically anything.  So strange how my confidence took such a hit.

The OCD is ok now. I know what not to do and force my self when stressed and the urge to check or count is there. The less I feed it the weaker it becomes until practically disappears. But deffinately yes some people really struggle. And such a shame as very treatable.

I went through a phase of a few months on dwelling on the past, feeling very sad and hurt, but found it helped to practice mindfulness and now try to live in the present all the time and count my many blessings 😊

But boy what an awful journey this menopause has been.

Hugs and love x

[CLKD]

I haven't read the responses yet but depression is either due to someone unable to alter the situation they find themselves in [clinical] or due to brain imbalance [organic] in that there isn't enough serotonin being made.  I have both.  Diagnosed by a Psychiatrist.  Many don't recognise that 1 can suffer different 'types' of depressive illness.  It runs in my family on both sides ........

Hormones can aggravate an already present illness.  Prior to my bleeds I would sob the night B4 even when a period wasn't due, next morning .... it would be there.  That sobbing stopped as soon as the bleed began.  Certainly 4 me hormonally linked.

If you feel depressed, regardless of causation, why not take appropriate medication?  Particularly with a history of depression and/or anxiety. 

[allie007]

Big hugs to everyone on here. My GP has suggested anti D's, been feeling low for quite a while now, to the point where its only reading your post Sickntired, and everyones responses,  that its made me realise I've been feeling like this for so long it just feels normal to feel rubbish all the time. Every symptom you are all describing I feel too. I've put it down to stress of Covid and being home alone with my son and not having a break (am a single mum).
I feel no joy, I feel detached from everything and everyone, I feel low but at the same time emotionless.
I don't know where to turn or what to do. The thought of AD's terrify me. I've been using 100 Estradot patches and a pump of gel for over a year but symptoms were coming back, what I've just described plus migraines, heavy head like a hangover and a few more. I stopped the gel and felt okish for a couple of weeks but my mood is definitely worse now. Had bloods done last week, my estrogen level was 160 pmol.
I hate what I've become, I feel guilty that I'm not the fun mum I used to be 😔

[CLKD]

Hey!  we all need connections with others and lockdown has isolated many across the UK.  How is your son feeling allie007? His idea of lockdown is likely 2 B different to your own ;-). 

I hated trying any new tablets but once I found an AD that suits me, DH and I had a Life again.  It took about 8 months B4 I realised that my mood had lifted.  Anxiety is controlled by an emergency tablet as necessary. Betablockas helped for several years too.  It's Trial and Error which can be tiring.

[allie007]

Hi CLKD

Which ones did you find suited you? I did go on AD's about 20 years ago when I was in my 20's and I remember that they used to make me so sleepy. Am pretty sure my GP suggested sertraline. When my HRT was working I felt great though.
My son has been amazing through lockdown. He did get fed up and upset after about 6 weeks because he was missing his friends and in Wales we were only allowed to travel 5 miles and that really got to him. We've always gone off for long day trips which he loves. I was naughty and drove 8 miles a couple of times a week to a really secluded beach and that made a hell of a difference, he was so much happier.

[groundhog]

Hi,
I am just about to start AD - citalopran.  I’m nervous but last weekend I really didn’t want to live anymore. Life became too unbearable,  years of problems overwhelmed me.  Surgery went massively wrong 5 years ago left me disabled with 3 stoma bags,  lots of other problems came along.  My mental health detiorated during lockdown, then my mum died.  I hit a wall.
I haven’t taken them yet as I’m scared of the ‘ you get worse before you get better ‘ thing bit I will take them as I have no choice xx