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[suej102]

Hello everyone – I am so pleased to be here today and excited to have recalled this website from having recommended it to clients of mine in the past (I’m a counsellor). This time I am here for me as I am struggling to know what to do with myself and know/hope that hearing from others will really help me to hopefully normalise what I am currently experiencing.

At 54 I am now about a good year in from having had any periods. My symptoms have been fairly mild – hot flushes here or there, mostly in the evening or just when I get into bed (how do they know I’m in bed – it’s literally as soon as I get in and settle down with my book – ‘boof’ … one big one and then that’s it!).

Sleep has been intermittent but not overly dreadful, early waking but it has also been summer and lock-down so I have been able to take the dogs out nice and early and generally cope OK.

I exercise, eat healthily, stopped drinking alcohol 18 months ago (I was curious to see if I could do it and knew that wine and gin would not be helpful for menopause, weight and anxiety etc. Amazingly I’m still here fully alcohol free and am so grateful for this – lock-down might have been a whole different story with wine or gin thrown into the mix!).

A keen (though not natural!) cyclist, I can ride up to 60 miles a week with my club, I do yoga weekly and walk my dogs daily across the fields where I live in rural Herefordshire. I am working from home and have a successful career as a therapist and trainer, have a loving Husband, no kids, friends and family (although not easily accessible right now) and no financial worries. You’d think I’d be swinging from the rafters with how well life is panning out for me!

But I am not. In fact, there have been times in the past couple of weeks particularly that I have been in a very dark place.

I am really worried about my mood and have actually just burst into tears writing this sentence. I simply don’t know where to put myself with the mood swings I am experiencing. I can go from elation to deep depression within moments, the pendulum swings so far from left to right at times that I really do feel like I am losing my mind! I seem to be on the brink of tears permanently and, whilst there are some things that I am sad about (my poor old horse was put to sleep last week and that just broke my heart), I am missing spending time with my nieces and nephews etc), they simply do not warrant what is happening with my moods right now.

As a horribly self-aware therapist specialising in couples work and relationships, I am mindful that I do not want to put my emotional flat-liner Husband through the mill here, therefore I am trying to manage as much of this on my own, hence coming into this forum. I know it is probably not the most helpful to keep this from him, but he is also managing his own stuff with his business being badly impacted by Covid and I just don’t really think there is much he can do to help anyway. He is supportive and will give me a hug if I tell him I am having a bad day etc, but expecting him to understand how this feels is unrealistic and might just make me feel worse if he’s worrying about me. Sometimes when others don't really 'get it' you can feel even more isolated, hence coming into this forum.

So ladies, over to you. Am I going to feel like this forever? Do I need medication (I’m on nothing – trying to do it all naturally with healthy diet and exercise)?  Is there anything you can share with me that might help me cope with this a little better? Any signs of hope?!!

Thanks for listening – it’s felt really good just writing this down to be honest. I’ve only cried a couple of times and will now post this and then go forth and support my clients for the rest of the day!

Thanks for listening x

[suej102]

Thank you so much for taking the time to send me such a lovely message. No surprise it led to my mascara running AGAIN! God this is exhausting!! I've been so reluctant to go for HRT given that my GP commented that I seemed to be coping so well when I last spoke with her about my options. This was before my current mood swings however and I am happy to consider most things if I don't start to feel better any day soon. I have had AD's in the past for panic attacks and anxiety but have never really suffered with depression, but this feels more like depression than anything - although I am getting a little twitchy about going back out in the world again post lockdown, but think it is all fairly normal during a pandemic!

I do take some menopause supplement from the supermarket! Possibly not the best but I am also quite a skeptic about all of the potions and lotions - I seem to consider most of them a marketing man's dream and am a little stoic, if not quite stubborn about some of the supplements out there.

I'm wondering if I might book a telephone appointment with my GP and have a chat.

Thank you too for your lovely comment about my old horse - he was a 17'3 irish draught and made it to 32 yrs old. So heartbreakingly sad to let him go ...

[Baby]

Hi Sue. You are not alone, in fact it amazes me how many women in our world are suffering  All I knew about meno before was hot flushes and being a bit moody. How wrong was I. Looking back my meno journey started in 2014 but I didn't realise till it really started to ramp up in February 2019 when the morning anxiety started. I am currently at the beginning of another HRT cant seem to get it right. Anxiety and panic is awful. I know what you mean about mood swings. I was walking my dog this morning, one minute I was really anxious then it lifted and a felt normal for five minutes, then the anxiety was back. It is really cruel this meno. X

[C.C.]

Hey there!  I just joined this forum recently and I'm finding it and the ladies very supportive and helpful, so take it all in.

I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I'm the same age as you and post meno.  I used to get those bedtime hot flashes and got moody and emotional at times. I have never been on HRT as my symptoms were managable without it.  Now that I am post meno I'm experiencing other issues. 
I can't offer any advice regarding HRT but there are many on this forum that can certainly put your mind at ease and put you in the right direction.

Keep smiling!

[SueLW]

My first thought is 'little wonder she feels horrible'. Having lost a horse who was 32! Family member.  So that is not helping.

But the rest? Pure menopause by the sound of it.  There's not really any such thing as "coping so well" with menopause.  It's a massive loss of vital hormones.  We were not intended to live much beyond it.  But over time menopause has got to us earlier and life expectancy has lengthened meaning for many of us we are looking at 30 years deprived of the hormone that made us the women we were.  I don't know about you, but I want that hormone.  I've watched Mum get riddled with 2 types of arthritis and really nasty osteoporosis.  I'm not looking to repeat that process if I can help it.  Oestrogen all the way for me.

If you want to find out more in a relaxed home environment I always recommend the many podcasts by the menopause specialist Dr Louise Newson.  Her web site www.menopausedoctor.co.uk is full of up to date information, but the pod casts are especially good.  I am lucky enough to see Dr Louise myself, she's great and what she's doing to spread resources and information for us is even better.  Go have a listen and a good read.  We are here to talk about it with you when you have questions.

Give yourself some space for your grief.  I've lost 2 cats in the past 10 years.  It's brutal.  My current cat is almost 21 now and I am already stressing myself about the inevitable.

[sheila99]

I know you don't want to worry your OH but I would recommend you print off the Advice for Husbands pinned post and give it to him to read. There's no need for him to stress about it but it will give him an understanding of what you're going through. Taking hrt is a personal decision but I decided quality of life is the most important factor for me. My family were glad I did, I was awful to live with.

[CLKD]

Menopause is natural  .  As are periods, how were your moods prior to a bleed?  My emotions were cyclical and I knew they would pass but during The Change they can hang on a bit!

   however, peri-menopause can cause awful symptoms that many are not prepared for.  These can be a shock to the system.

Hormone Replacement Therpay - can help.  Why suffer?  Would you refuse treatment for diabetes for example?  Browse round.  Maybe keep a mood/food/symptom diary and decide which you would like to ease first?  Put it into the search box here and see what pops up.  Make notes ;-)

How would you feel if your OH didn't share with you  .   Have you supported each other thus far?

If you had £B1 could you have done anything for your horse?  Sadness is a part of having cared for an animal then having to let it go - wouldn't be natural if there wasn't a huge gap and regret after.  I had a donkey that was 42 ..........

Why do GPs prescribe anti-depressant medication for anxiety?   .  I have used 'rescue remedy' mouth spray with success as well as relaxation therapy, I have an emergency as necessary drug if anxiety floors me.  Depression is controlled by appropriate medication. 

As oestrogen levels drop the body may become dry: inside and out; nostrils, deep in the ears, skin, scalp, vagina, between the toes  and there may be bladder issues.  Do read our threads on these, forewarned is forearmed.

Your GP needs a    "coping so well "    you're in good company now, nowt is taboo or too much info..  Ask away ! 

[racjen]

[/quote]Why do GPs prescribe anti-depressant medication for anxiety?   .  I have used 'rescue remedy' mouth spray with success as well as relaxation therapy, I have an emergency as necessary drug if anxiety floors me.  Depression is controlled by appropriate medication.

CLKD - this has come up time and again and you refuse to listen to the explanation. Most ADs also have proven anti-anxiety benefits, because depression and anxiety are very closely linked. So anti-depressants would be better described as anti-depressant and anti-anxiolytic (ie ADAA) except that would be too much of a mouthful. For people who get on with them they are a far better bet for anxiety than benzodiazapenes, of which I know you are a fan, but which are only ever a short term and potentially highly addictive solution.

[KarineT]

SueJ102,  sorry to hear about your mood issue.  I too, have low mood and anxiety but I'm 49, nearly 50, and I believe I'm still perimenopausal.  By what you're saying, it seems that you have already reached the menopause and you are now in postmenopause.  I, like you, don't take HRT as I don't want to depend on it.  I'm scared that I won't be able to wean myself off of it plus I don't want any bleeds which can happen if you take combo HRT (oestrogen/progesterone).  For me it would be a last resort.  I cope the best I can by taking food/menopause supplements.  This low mood cannot last forever because the body has to balance itself. There is no way that it can last forever.  I know a few ladies in postmenopause who feel great. I don't know if my post is of much help to you but, one thing for sure, you're not the only one. This horrible decline in oestrogen is problematic for most women.  I sometimes end up wondering when this nonsense is going to stop but it has to at some point and I know it will.

All the best.

[KarineT]

Did you get any symptoms during the perimenopsuse?

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

I am post meno and my mood swings are still a problem however I stopped  all HRT a year ago so perhaps I am still adjusting to the 'new normal'? I also have the odd hot flush and a bit of mild VA but  that is all.

I have spoken to other women who have experienced the same thing and they tell me that it does all settle eventually and my GP agrees. To say that I am clinging to that hope is an understatement!

Wishing you well ladies and sending hugs.

K.

[Sparkler]

Hi there

The crying thing is just awful. My longest was 36 hours - every time hubby asked me if I felt any better it would start up again- and NO tangible reason at all.   

HRT has helped me. I do still cry easily but I am no longer convinced I have to stop working just to cope. Having a responsible job was really hard.

Hang in there- we will all get through this somehow.

Sparkler
X

[suzie b]

Hi
I'm new here and have been thinking about posting about this exact thing, in fact i could have written this myself. I was so distressed all day today to the point I called the samaritans..I've taken two Kalms and 10g beta blocker which have sorted me out.
 I'm two years post menopause and felt id breezed through relatively unscathed. Since March my night sweats have been relentless leaving me trembling by morning and zero sleep. My anxiety is there constantly followed by the dark thoughts and very low moods. The dark thoughts cause me more anxiety as I cannot stress enough that there's nothing dreadful going on in my life either. I have an amzingly supportive husband.
Coming on here has reinforced the fact that these are menopause related symptoms probably caused by cortisol overload and major drops in estrogen.
I know that some combination of HRT would work along with cbt and I'm hoping to start soon but I just need to know that the crippling anxiety, the dreads and intusive thoughts will go eventually. It's the thought of having those attacks forever brings on the impending doom.  I'd be grateful to hear from anyone able to confirm they'll eventually subside.

ps, I didn't want to start another thread on post meno anxiety and doom hence my tuppenceworth on Sue's post.

[Emm225]

Hi, I was exactly the same as you, sometimes I wondered if I would ever feel properly happy again.  I couldn't even have the radio on sometimes in case a song made me cry and most mornings I would cry on the way to work...for no reason just had immense sadness.  I tried everything, natural remedies, coaching etc (I work in the education and coaching industry) as I REALLY didn't want to go onto HRT  but when I had the Mirena removed at xmas (health reasons at the time) the hot sweats came flooding in ...and I mean flooding!  They were the  final straw, my anxiety was high and eventually I went to the doctor and she prescribed HRT....I still didn't take it as was terrified of  cancer etc....catrastophying was a big part of my anxiety.  Eventually, at my wits end during lockdown, I started it.  My low moods have pretty well lifted and my anxiety is loads better and best of all the hot sweats, hourly at least over 24 hours a day so wasn't sleeping well, have also stopped.   I take the patch and utrogesten.  There are a couple of drawbacks, main one is I feel I have gained weight around my stomach which I HATE, but might get the meds adjusted now lockdown might be easing.  I ,like you,exercise regularly etc and am careful re diet...welll...fairly careful...but losing the horrid drenching hot sweats and that tearful low mood and anxiety  is worth it....I feel I can live my life.  Doesn't work for everyone but worked for me

[KarineT]

What will happen once you stop HRT though?  Will you GP want to carry on prescribing it?