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[Jeepers]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies.

So, I don't know who is financing his food money, I can only presume it's his mum or dad? I don't like to ask.

He is waiting for a start date from the job offer he got,  they said he should hear this week.  He told me he has been looking on spare room.com for possible places to stay, so he is making plans.  He tells me very little, and doesn't talk to me about his intentions... I think he just assumes he can stay until  he decides to leave. Which is all very well, but it would be nice to be consulted, rather than me have to interrogate him.

it's not all his fault.  One of the things that I have to constantly tell him is about the recycling,  he puts every in the bin.  But, I know for a fact that his parents refused to do any recycling, so he has not grown up thinking about it,

So, my daughter and I have planned a bbq in the garden tomorrow afternoon, to cheer him up, and hopefully we can have a chat too in a relaxed way.  Other than that, I'm not sure what to do, he is a grown man

Jeepers xx

[CLKD]

He's under your roof.  Looking at spare room.com probably won't work.  I doubt if many are letting rooms right now which is why his new company should be suggesting where he can stay, they may pay for a hotel room for example.  You should ask him, I would.  Assuming and presumption can lead to real problems [long story short  ].  R U in contact at all with his parents, I can't remember  .  Sorry.

[sheila99]

Hobnailed boot up the backside? 
Sorry, lack of sympathy for him here...
it may not be his fault though, his parents might have tolerated that behaviour and I'm sure the alcohol doesn't help.
I think you can get mattress covers that zip on? It would be cheaper than a new mattress.

[Jeepers]

Good idea sheila, I?ll look online.

No, my sister does not speak to me or my kids,  nor does her husband or daughter. Makes things even more awkward, as i don't want to ask him about things too much.

Jeepers xx

[jaypo]

Ahh families,don't you just love em 

[Jeepers]

I was sorta hoping she would acknowledge that I've taken her son in, but that hasn't been the case, which is sad.

Jeepers xx

[CLKD]

So as you are head of the household have that talk? 

[jaypo]

Thing is,in cases like this,it's easy for us to give advice but not so easy for the person to do,I fell out with my sister and the rest of the family were,do this do that but I just couldn't BUT I WOULD tell him to mend his ways,I couldn't stand someone being so sluvenly in my house,feel for you jeepers x

[CLKD]

We've given ideas.  You can dwell on those ;-).  Let us know how you get on.

[Taz2]

Where was he staying before if you don't mind me asking?

Taz x 

[Jeepers]

Hi Taz

He went off to Australia for a year, so was staying out there.  He came back just as the pandemic hit, and the digs he had lined up fell through, as did the job

I do feel for him, but its still a strain. 

Jeepers xx

[Taz2]

I can tell it's a tricky one but you do need to stop dancing to his tune quite so much unless there are underlying mental health issues of course which you  might not like to air on here. It must be difficult for him to have come back from what would probably have been a totally different lifestyle but he does have to understand that you are being extremely kind to put him up. It's also not fair that you don't know who is paying for his keep? He needs to be quite a bit more open with you. Did he contact you about putting him up?

Such a difficult situation but as has been said lots of different advice for you to mull over. This is the current Spareroom.com advice https://blog.spareroom.co.uk/faq-covid-19-and-flatsharers/

Taz x

[CLKD]

   taz2 - wise words and advice 

[sheila99]

Universal credit?

[Jeepers]

Hi

No, he didn't contact me, he firstly contacted my eldest daughter to see if he could stay with her. But she lives in a shared house, and her housemates would not have wanted a stranger coming to sleep on their sofa without making any contribution, and I think my daughter also knew it would not work as nephew has always been about himself.

So anyway, then my daughter told us about it, and I felt I had no choice but to bring him to stay. I also ended up driving to Bristol to get him, even though he never actually spoke to me directly,

He was staying with a girl in Bristol, but again, not as a legit housemate, so when he complained about the noise of another tenant, they said ? well, you are not paying anything so just get out?. I thought he was an idiot for not just keeping his head down.

Well, I did tell him I wanted him to clear his bedroom of beer tins, wine bottles, sweet wrappers, cups and galsses as it was quite disgusting. He said ?is it??, and I said yes, so he just said 'sure?. He was not in the least bit embarrassed or sorry!

We invited him to our bbq, and he came down for about half an hour, but then his phone rang, and he disappeared inside and we didn't see him again. We've now both gone to bed, and I can hear him in the kitchen, he just waits for us to be out of the way. Makes me feel like I'm a monster or something. I've never shouted or got really angry with him, so why do I feel like that?

He did say that he is looking at a potential start date of 15th June, which is disappointing for both us and him. I think he will work remotely until restrictions are lifted, but he never brings up the subject of how long he will stay.

I don't think he has applied for any benefits, or if he has, he is not discussing with us

Sorry, I just keep moaning.

Jeepers xx