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[yellowflower]

A big fat zero, zilch, nada...

Just call me "Avalon sans friends". To be fair to myself, long trem hair loss has greatly affected my confidence.

I'm a kind, gentle, friendly soul and I look like one as well.

I went through domestic violence where I was isolated due to his jealousy. Became a poor sole parent living in the slums. Then my health took a nosedive with menopause. I have had some friends over the years, but they have a disconnect with the person I am vs my circumstances. Some have not wanted to visit me in this suburb. Others dumped on me. I couldn't afford to keep doing coffees out. I have one friend that lives nearly 1500 km away. She calls me on my birthday.

I am so sorry that life has treated you so badly. I wonder if any of the lovely ladies in this group live near you?

[QueenofReds3]

Hi Avalon
I too am sorry that life has treated you so badly. You have friends on here 
I have one good friend who I can trust and she is as mad as a brush like me! I enjoy spending time with my DD's and my OH is my best buddy. Xx

[yellowflower]

That's sweet yellowflower, but I am in Australia.

I am in Melbourne.

[Ladybt28]

I'm with you Avalon - I have friends on here which means I have more friends now in my life than I have ever had especially as I only have ONE close friend from school.  Sad isn't it?  What bothers me is I don't really understand how it got to be like that?

I think I learnt to keep people at arms length from my mother who used to say, "people aren't really interested in you, you have to work out what they want from you?" - how screwed is that?
…. and another of her phrases, if I did say I "was going out with "friends"" was to say "they are not really your friends they are just acquaintances".

As I got older I realised how awful this was but it was way too late to do much about it to be honest.  Old habits die hard!

I have a lovely husband but the children and grandchildren live away from us and its not easy to travel.  We see them once a year.  xx

[Krystal]

So many people have pretended to be my 'friend' over the years, me the numpty who listened to their troubles and woes when they appeared to be distressed. When I had problems with the care of my mum many years ago, these so call friends gradually disappeared with excuses. Now I keep all at arm's length and there is no-one I would call on. My husband has been my rock for many years and it will probably stay that way. Even my only sibling has let me down more than once so no contact there.  Where I live the villagers don't like incomers and if you enquire about joining their social groups there is always a 'waiting list' which is directed to outsiders. I have learnt to be polite to all and expect nothing in return, that way there is no disappointment.
 

[yellowflower]

I've read posts on this thread with interest! My best friend from school moved to Australia years ago and although still friends we are not as close as we were. My close friend has dropped me twice now which makes me think I was just a friend of convenience, I still have her Christmas present and her daughter's from last year, she moved house which I offered to help which she declined and never told me her new address so there presents and card with 2019 calendar unopened. I have old work mates who are male we get together once in a blue moon for a catch-up. I was very close to my cousin who lives 200miles away and I use to go to her house about 6 times ayear however when I went on the change I developed bad panic attacks as a result I became agoraphobic and can only travel shortish distances so not as close as we were. My husband is the only person I class as close apart from mum and brother however anything I want to do, swimming, spa, bingo, girlie things I do on my own. It's abit sad really but I've been let down too often I'm better off without close friends. Clio

Wow! Your best friend from school sounds like a piece of shite!

[CLKD]

People are complex.

I had people that I thought of as friends who let me down.  When I had anxiety so badly that I was unable to leave the house: not 1 phone call to see how DH was coping, no letters, visits .......... I cut our C.mas card list in half 

I also realised that peoples' needs alter.  I also removed myself from those that drained me.  I too would give time and energy and listen to people with 'problems'.  We all like a good moan I think but these situations became 1 sided.  When I needed support it wasn't there.  I remember going to a friend stating "I'm in a bit of a muddle and would like a cup of tea": "Your'e in a muddle, how do you think I feel X, Y, Z".  That was over 40 years ago and to this day she has never enquired about my muddle!  We speak when we meet but that's all.  I stopped trusting after that.

I too keep my sibling at arms' length, we live in different countries so don't have to meet except for Funerals.  We exchange texts and letters occasionally.

DH is my closest friend and alley ? sp ? - still haven't worked out why 

[squeaker99]

Avalon/jaycee - I hear you. Take my virtual (slightly clammy!) hand of friendship.

I moved to a place where I found it hard to infiltrate the 'born and bread here' gang. I tried. I really tried but there are only so
many cold shoulders at the school gate a persons dignity can take.

I thought I had one good friend. Our kids were born at the same time and we were both ' incomers'. We shared ups and downs. Watched DVDs, had coffee etc. However she and her husband are both very involved in the church and my family isn't  so I think he never really approved of our friendship. One day he turned up at my daughters birthday party and we were playing Roulette  and had fake cocktails. His face was like thunder (teaching kids to gamble apparently!). After that she only pops round when he is away and doesn't return my txts any more. I hate the idea of being needy (a ' beg' friend as my daughter calls it in snowfake speak!) and would never criticise her husband but it does hurt.  Apart from that I would say I only have acquaintances.   No one to have a good laugh or confide in.  Happy New Year everyone!

[Sparrow]

I often wonder if people who say they have, or appear to have, lots of friends really do.  True friends are those you can trust and are still there when the going get really tough.

I can remember the gaggles at the school gate, where there would be lots of slagging off of supposed friends that weren't there.

[Ladybt28]

I couldn't do the school gate thing and even mother and toddler didn't work.  My step-daughters seem to have it down though, they are still in contact with people they met at anti-natal classes and they seem to have people they call on (not family) to collect children or mind children when something is going on!  The eldest child is 8 and the youngest of the group is 9 months.  I never got the hang of it....is that a generational thing?

I never got any close work friends either...none of those kinds of things happened for me, I'm not sure why.  I am approachable and can talk to anyone and have had to do so for my work...maybe my face just didn't fit 

[Sparrow]

I think it depends on how much of yourself you want to share with others.  Those that are happy to reveal everything I suspect are let into the inner circle of these groups.

Personally I tend to hold back and being quite self critical, am also critical of others.  It doesn't quite gell so I prefer to keep my own counsel.  Not really into lots of gossip either.

[Ladybt28]

Suppose you're right Shadyglade when I was younger I didn't share anything as (I have said in a previous post) I was brought up believing that people only wanted to know you because they wanted something from you!  I suppose I must have put this invisible barrier.  I wasn't one for "popping in"..you know those people who "pop in to their neighbours" or "knock the door when they are passing".  Anyone turning up unannounced at our house was my worst nightmare so I didn't do it to others. xx

[squeaker99]

Ladyby28 - I think you are being too hard on yourself. So much of it is down to luck really, or where you live, not what you do or don't do.
I have two cousins who are similar ages and personality types. One has a really close group she met through a toddlers group who do everything together . The other , who I think is more sociable , has struggled to fit in and find friends. .

I do have a wonderful neighbour. We look  out for each other and put baking and treats for each other on the wall. We have been with each other for the highs and lows of the last 15 years. I know if we were not neighbours we would not be friends but our relationship is very special. (although I would not dream of talking menopause with her!).

[CLKD]

Yorkshire Tea is packaged in Yorkshire.  Can't remember where it's grown though.  Cornwall has tea plantations but am not sure about any further North of the UK.

[jillydoll]

Enjoy your Yorkshire Tea Avalon....I'm told it's very nice. ☕️
I'm a coffee drinker, don't like tea, or the smell of it....😆😂