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[Lyncola]

Hi Ladies
Does anyone have this problem, I complain about my menopausal symptoms, I got lots, like virginal atrophy, stomach issues, burping, sore eye, brain fog, lots of body pains that move all around my body. And other issues at the moment like bleeding when I poo.
And when I tell family and friends what's wrong with me I get “you got cancer”
I'm sorry but why would you say that to someone 
When I tell these people I go to my doctor every 2 to 3 weeks, (believe me I would be there once a week if I could afford it)  I've had blood test, poo test, urine test, I booked in to see a rheumatologist?
The reply is “get a second opinion” 
I'm all ready paranoid as it is my health, having people say that to me does not help.
I told my doctor what people are saying and she was shocked, she like but you been tested for everything that relates to your problems.
It's just so mean and makes me angry
Has anyone else had this problem?

[Kazbear]

Hi Lyncola, I can totally relate to this.  We used to have a woman who worked with us (thankfully she's retired now) who we used to call her the Office Dementor (Harry Potter reference if you're mystified as to what a Dementor is!).  If you said anything to her she could suck the goodness out and be miserable about it.

You couldn't tell her anything about health, because someone she knew would have had it, been so bad with it or died of it, usually within a nanosecond of being diagnosed.  She once told me that my itching skin was due to a problem with my liver.  When I mentioned it to my GP he nearly fell off his chair.  His response was 'Kazbear, if your skin was itching because of a liver complaint you'd be orange.   You're not orange....!'

It is inconceivable that someone not medically trained would tell you that your symptoms meant you had cancer.  They have no idea of your mental state, and whether that would trigger anything.  It is a horrendous thing to say.  Having health anxiety that goes off the scale at times, I can tell you that if anyone said that to me I'd be spiralling.

Handhold and a hug.

[jaypo]

Well that's a lovely thing to say to anyone 
Please look around the site,everything you have mentioned,one of us on here has had,menopause brings with it many MANY symptoms,once you get used to them all,you'll be fine,health anxiety is truly dreadful and most of us have suffered from it,I had it this time last year but the women on here are remarkable and without them I don't know where I would've ended up
Look at the funny side of menopause thread and see what we've all diagnosed ourselves with,if we didn't laugh we'd cry ........ and we do that too 😊

[CLKD]

Are you in the UK?

Browse round, make notes.  I stopped telling Mum about my health issues.  When I had severe depression I got "You don't want to be depressed"; 'No Mum I don't but I am'.  or "Don't lead your Husband a dance like your Father led me".  So I never told her not even when I had treatment for breast disease.

I was married, she had no 'rights' to anything health wise. Dad never asked.  Now I know more about how she made up stories in order to be the victim .......... I am even more angry at the last remark.

So - building a good working relationship with your health providers is important.  Why do you feel the need to tell anyone if you get negative responses, a simple "I am feeling very unwell but my Doctor and I are working towards improvement" should be enough.  Make it your mantra
;-) or "You suddenly know more about my medical records than my Doctor or me then!"

I worked with a bloke years++ ago who if you had done it, he had climbed higher, Everest would have doubled in height had anyone listened to him!

Ask away.  We are a mine of info including menopause ;-) 

[Lyncola]

Thanks CLKD, jaypo, Kazbear for your reply,
The first person to tell me be careful it's not cancer, is my best friend, I'm not too angry at her. She just lost her Dad after his long fight with cancer, and he was misdiagnosed and told he was fine when the cancer had spread though out his body.

The next person was a silly old lady

And then my sister the other day, she also is going through menopause and should know better, she also made the comment that I will get to skinny and look ugly, she put on 15kgs. I'm not surprised it's been like this all our lives. At I point I was going to get married before her, she went into a rage as I'm the younger sister and not aloud to get married before her. When I got pregnant before her and told her she said “that I will probably have a miscarriage”. When I told her my baby was a girl she said “I wouldn't want a girl she will probably get molested” which was very mean as we were both molested growing up.
As you can imagine I do go years without speaking to my sister,I wonder why.
CLKD I'm from Australia

My love to the other beautiful menopausal ladies out there from down under. But I consider myself English as well I was born there 

[CLKD]

Hi! it's around 9.00 a.m. here .

Your sister has issues.  Sounds like mine though she's the younger one  so we have little connection.  Sounds like yours opens big gob without thinking ......... reactions in families are habit forming and difficult to alter. 

Maybe keeping a mood/food/symptom diary will be useful to you.  Decide which symptom you would like to ease .  Browse the site to see how others cope, the search box is a good tool.  Make notes ;-)

[jaypo]

All this blood is thicker than water is c@#p if your family give you negativity,steer clear,I cut out certain members of my family without a second thought and my life was so much better for it.

[CLKD]

Same here ;-)

And why cancer ?  why not TB, or wasting disease or rickets  .  I dropped anyone that drained me.  There is 1 person that I have to meet occasionally but I would cut out completely if I was able to.  Mum I tolerate, my sister I keep at arm's length.  Someone who told me that my house looks like a museum was soon out of my Life ;-). 

I learnt not to tell people too much initially.  'cos in all honesty, many aren't interested.  Talk to use Lyncola!  we've been there, done it and MaryJane has written The Book