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[Chihuahuachick]

He likes kids and animals, he feels safe as he can be in control.

Adults is another thing.

He isn't very nice most of the time so today's being ignored is nothing new.

He is just a wired person. Nothing I can do will change him.

I just want to get a job and get some money. I cannot see me ever being happy, I just attract too many horrible people.

I don't see any way out to be honest. I try my best every day, but I cannot see a way out.

[sheila99]

There are many, many women who have been in an abusive relationship, got away and led happy, fulfilling lives afterwards. You can be one of them. Perhaps speak to a helpline or women's refuge to discuss your options? They might be able to give you some pointers so you don't give the wrong signals. This relationship was probably doomed from the start as he was already in a position of power over you. It won't be like that next time. We're lucky to have a welfare state, food banks and women's refuges. If you walked out tomorrow you would be OK. There is a better future waiting for you.

[CLKD]

Well said sheila99.  Every day is a learning curve.  Making sure that you R safe Chihua is the first issue.  Rome wasn't built in a day ;-) and well laid plans are important.  You are worth at least a try at getting free and finding out who 'you' are.  Little steps.  You may well surprise yourself and find a totally different person inside ;-).

[Chihuahuachick]

Thanks Sheila99. And you are right. I agree 100%.

I think if I had friends and family then it would be easier.

I think I will feel better when I have a job.

And when I have a job I will be able to join some groups and mix with people. I love mixing with people and I have a lot to offer. I get told I am a nice person.

I know I sound like I am making excuses, but I have to get a job and I have to get my artificial eye sorted out. My eye should be ready in 4 weeks.

[CLKD]

No worry about making excuses.  It's about making plans in your own time.  Ideas in your head and then see what suits you at the time. 

[Chihuahuachick]

I am a confident person. And I love mixing. I can go into a room not knowing people and feel ok. I can put people at ease, I've been told.

I do like the person I am. I don't think I would find a different me.

I think I have realised how I have made mistakes. I have settled for second best. I have also recently found a member of my family who has exactly the same type of partner!

Someone on here said had I saved people/partners and the answer is yes. My family member is exactly the same he called his partner a 'rescue!

My partners family are all 'spongers' they always find someonev with a house/car to latch onto.

I know I'm babbling now but I am working this out. When I think about my first boyfriend, I had none of this 'controlling' stuff, AND when he stopped me from going out with my friend, I dumped him! No problem.

Then the next boyfriend was a dick and I dumped him.

At the next point I had a boyfriend I had severe depression. Then I turned to someone else who watched his Mom get beaten by his Dad, he kept me like a caged animal and dropped by when he felt like it. Then this partner pushed me away from the last one to make his move.

I should have realised it was better to be alone, right from the severe depression relationship.

[Chihuahuachick]

CLKD, thanks so much.

Thanks for giving me those kind words.

It's important that I am not hard on myself at the moment.

[CLKD]

You are working it out.  I learn something about Husband every day ;-).  Old habits do die hard so it takes practice to alter our ways of behaviour. 

[Focus]

I once read somewhere that depression is anger turned inwards.

And we feel angry when someone disrespects and disregards our boundaries.

[sheila99]

You're older and wiser now, you won't make the same mistakes again. Depression is a funny thing. I've only had it mildly twice, post natal & peri. Both times I had a 'don't care' attitude and would take the easy way every time. I wonder if your depression made it easier for him to push you around?

[Chihuahuachick]

Yes the depression did make it easier. He wasn't good enough for me, and he knew it, he said it when we split up.

I am older and wiser, you are right, good point.

None of my boyfriends have dumped me, obviously because they enjoyed being abusive.

Posting on here has made me realise how I have behaved in the past, I haven't thought about it before.

[CLKD]

Probably written by someone who had never been depressed Focus? or was a so-called 'expert' - how I HATE that word  .

4 me depression is organic with situational/clinical depression thrown in occasionally.  My brain chemistry is wrong if that makes sense  and the illness floored me.  Medication helps.

Little steps ;-)