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[CLKD]

I wasn't being person specific, some ladies have suggested that they keep their sadness to themselves, I don't see the point even though I see the reasoning 

[Sparkly]

I didn't really get empty nest syndrome because the time when they were leaving or of an age to leave came at the end of a time of turmoil. My divorce from their father meant i was a single parent to them from the ages of 12 and 16. Money was dire and when he stopped his maintenance I was forced to face the fact that I couldn't keep the house. My daughter had a long term boyfriend, now her husband, my son didn't so it was hard for him living on his own for the first time. Just as I had come to the end of my tether I met the man who is now my 2nd husband so too much going on both good and bad. It was hard for my son but he came through it and doing ok with wife and daughter now.

Sparkly
x

[gina123]

i am really pleased my son has found his fiancee....she is a lovely girl ..and it is nice to have another woman in the family..i have 2 sons..she is like a daughter to me..just wished that they lived close..by living in an island we are more cut off and can't just jump in the car
gina

[Wolflady]

We are facing this in 5 weeks time. Our only son is getting married and that is the day he will also be moving out as he and his wife will be moving into their flat.
I know that we will miss him dreadfully. I have a good relationship with him as does my husband. Considering they are father/son they get on well.
My husband has always joked about putting out the flags when son leaves home but 3 weeks ago he admitted to me that he will miss him so much.
He is with a girl we both like and love. A lovely girl. He is happy with her and we are happy for him. I know that this day was always going to come but I know that it won't be easy.  The house will be that much quieter, no more listening to him playing his guitar, which we love doing as he is so good.
However, I think that there are positives too. Hubby and I have been making our own lives in preparation for son leaving. I think you have to.
One blessing is that he isn't going to move too far away so we can go and see him, though having said that I am not going to be forever knocking on their door.
I asked him about moving his things out to his flat and he said he will leave his favourite mug here for when he comes back.
I'm really gonna miss him.

[Jillymoo]

Oh,Wolflady,tears welled up in my eyes when I just read your post 

Your son sounds like a lovely young man,and as you say,you're lucky to have such a great relationship with him.My daughter is only 14 yet,but this thread has really struck a chord with me,as I'm already thinking ahead as to when 'the day' comes.(I'm just like my late father for worrying in advance!)

It really touched me when you mentioned not hearing him play his guitar...

Anyhoos,I'm sure you and your hubby will be a great support to each other,and now you will be gaining a lovely daughter-in-law too 

xx

[juliamd]

Hi Wolflady.
i can really identify with your post, my son left home to move in with his girlfriend 18 months ago. i was bereft, we had little warning of it we thought hed be around for years yet. DD left home the year previous, that was tough but still had DS and his girlfriend which eased it a bit.
We had no time to prepare ourselves. the loss of role was huge for me, i acknowledged it straight away and began what i can only describe as a grieving process DH being as men only can be denied any sense of loss and it was only earlier this year he has begun to recognise his sense of loss especially as DH and DS seem closer than ever (which im sure has come about since living apart).
What i didnt expect was the distence that would develope between me and DS now he has his girlfriend to confide in we have less close chats, tho we do have long converstations on recipes as hes turning into quite a chef!
It does help when you have a good relationship with their partners which we do thankfully.
we have just had him home for the weekend and its been great, the mess the noise, laughter and chats.....but i was really pleased to see him go to his own home, confident, a grown man ...........house is quiet but we now like it like that most of the time.
You will miss him but you are helping by preparing yourselves, we didnt and its been a tough year but we are closer than ever and are back to being a couple not 'mum and dad' and the kids now see us that way which is good to.
i wish you all the luck and love with what you will be going through.
At least you have a wedding, there are not many that leave home through getting married these days is there? .
lovepoppinsxx

[berry]

Its a horrible feeling when they all leave home, I will never get use to it, some of my friends love it no more untidy rooms, dishes everywhere and the washing.....but I loved all that, when my youngest does come home from uni, I flap about making her room all nice ready for her return, my older daughter thinks I am mad she says "she does not live here anymore" but thats mums for you....
I dread this September when she is going abroad to work, I swear I will have to go with her at the moment she is only an hour drive away...but abroad is a different matter.
When she was home at Easter we went shopping and met one of her friends from school and she was asking how she was enjoying uni which she loves, but I heard her say my mum still has not got use to me going, she even bribed me into not going away by saying she would buy me a car!!!!! which I did, luckly she is not easy bought, as she is having a great life and meeting lovely people, we just have to be there as there comfort blacket when they need us, but I think we need them more than they need us once they have grown up
You are not on your own Wolflady

[Taz2]

I have read all these comments with interest - when my first son left I was devastated and spent so much time in his room "feeling" him all around me. When my second son left it was totally different and, to be honest, I couldn't even remember if it was last August, September or October that he actually moved out. My youngest son is still at home so the house is still full of "him".

Berry - I don't know whether you still had your mum when you were growing up or not but, if you did, just imagine how you would have felt if she had wanted to go everywhere with you!!!! I know what you are saying but I would urge you to try to keep these feelings away from your daughter or you will seriously compromise her ability to make her own decisions and enjoy this life she is making for herself. There is nothing worse than having a great life ahead of you but to feel guilty at enjoying it because you are making someone else unhappy.

I don't mean this to sound harsh but you have to put on the brave front and show her that you will be fine while she is abroad. What a chance for her. Where is she going?

Taz x 

[juliamd]

Hi Berry,
Taz is right, I had to wave goodbye to my daughter at the airport when she was 17yrs, she went to live with a friend and his family,in Spain with a view to living there.
It was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, but there was no way i could let her see it. it had to be her decision...she dropped school etc!
I can clearly remember her sitting on the end of my bed the night before she left and saying to her  'this is your life now, this is your decision, we will support you however we can ( not financially..wasnt going to make it that easy!!), go for it but we will always be here for you'
cut a long story short she stayed for a year but finally saw for herself that it wasnt what she wanted. hard for her to make that decision. But now 4years on she is back in England with a good job, steady boyfriend and hopes for a job in Dubai in the not to distent future. I dont look at this with the horror i once would, its just somewhere different for me to have a holiday.
Berry it is hard when they leave home, our lives have been devoted to them, but they are only on loan, and we need to let them fly free and be proud we've done a good job.
It maybe when she goes away you can visit, and actually have better quality time together, i know i do, no more rows about dodgy boyfriends or washing up, or mess, just a really good relationship as 2 adults.
  for berry and wolf lady you will come through it.
love poppinsxx
Hey thats good for me something positive for a change, think i might give myself a pat on the back.
xx

[nightingale]

Hi Everyone

I haven't posted for a while but this topic struck a special chord with me.  I thought I had come to understand, master and almost live with the churning, yearning feelings of the so-called empty nest, but now that I face having to move out of the nest myself, all these feelings are coming back to haunt me.  I'm having such an internal struggle coming to terms with the inevitability of moving house that I was awake last night for what seemed like hours tossing and turning and debating with myself so loudly at 3 in the morning, that I woke the cat who scratched and yowled at the bedroom door till I had to eventually get up and let him outside.  I wasn't happy.

Anyway, in the space of 3 years my children have one by one flown the nest and I must admit that at times the feelings of loss have been excruciating. I'm sure most of you have experienced the yearnings that a fleeting glance at a photo can bring on! After my second son died my elder daughter moved out to go to uni in London, to be followed within a year by my elder son moving to Wales.  Considering I live in the north east of Scotland, visits are expensive and few and far between and I don't see them very often. When she was little, in her childish way my youngest always used to say that she would 'never, ever, ever' leave me, that she would 'never, ever, ever' have a boyfriend or get married and would live with me and look after me for ever and ever.  (Aw, ...........!) 

However, she eventually moved out to go to uni too and that left me really bereft and sore.  I'm not a clingy mum and hope I'm good at disguising how much I REALLY miss them as I don't want them to feel bogged down by guilt or obligation, but just to be happy and free to choose their own direction. I do admit though, to having each of their rooms permanently intact and on red alert to accommodate them at the drop of a hat even though I know their beds will probably remain unpopulated for 51 out of 52 weeks of the year!  Anyway, financial reality has recently begun to bite me so hard that after a year of indecision I've decided to take the plunge and move out of my home into a smaller house.  So you can imagine the huge practical and emotional upheaval looming ahead for me in the next few months as I downsize and sift through all our stuff and begin to work my way through the contents of the loft.  My sister has managed to keep her family close by and I must admit to feeling very envious of her.

nightingale xx

feel so much better having shared that, somehow ...................

[juliamd]

hi nightingale
that sounds so tough, ive occasionally thought about what it would be like to have to downsize, but as you say the sorting through and the leaving behind of the memories dont think i colud do. suppose i will have to oneday.
i keep my kids rooms ready for them, they've been redecorated but still have their models pictures and there personality in them, i couldnt bring myself to loose that as well.
im lucky son comes home once a monthish, but daughter i rarely see even if she only lives an hour away.
my sister to has kept all 6 of her 7 children nearby and yes i too feel envious of her at times too, although one of her daughters is moving away shortly and taking the 2 grandaughters with her which will be tough too.
 
lovepoppinsxx

[Taz2]

You certainly have a lot of upheaval to go through Nightingale but it sounds as if you have spent a year deciding so now is the time to move forward. I would imagine it is especially difficult to leave behind the house where you have memories of your dead son. I am sure it is the right decision for you though and will be the start of a new chapter in your life. Will you move far from where you are now?

Taz

[nightingale]

Hiya Taz

Thanks for pointing me forward with encouraging words.  Actually, I'm just moving within the neighbourhood to a smaller house in the same street which is a bonus I suppose because I won't have the extra stress of having to re-orientate in new surroundings and get to know new people.  It's actually a houseswap with a young family that really need the extra space and to them I must appear selfish taking so long to decide and hanging on to such a large house when I don't really need it.  But no-one seems to understand how gut-churningly difficult it's been and at such a time in my life where decisions are difficult to make anyway.  I'm just trying to go with the flow and my fluctuating energy levels and hopefully will be organised by the beginning of July.

nightingale x

[manypaws]

Yes felt the same way

my eldest son left home a while ago but when my youngest son joined the army i was a mess but you do get used to it ,hes out of the army now and lived back at home for a while and as we had got used to being empty nesters it took some getting used to again  hes got a house of his own now with his girlfriend so starting another chapter in his life so were starting ours .
although i still take the key out of the lock everynight just in case 

your right once a mum allways a mum

Manypaws x

[Annika]

I think the sadness does go away in time and it does get better as you fall into a different routine. You never stop missing them but they also have a way of coming back, ALOT:) My son left at 19 to join the Air Force it was very  painful at first. He asked us to drop him off at the Recruiting Center, on the ride there no one said a word and then finally he turned to his father and said "this sucks". He got out with his school back pack kissed us on the cheek and that was it. Weeks later when we saw him again he had completely changed, polite, responsible, you name it. My oldest daughter is about to go in the Navy as an officer, she has been living on her own for a few years and I still have my  other daughter at home. When she goes it will be very difficult I'm sure. I cannot imagine cooking for just two or doing small amounts of laundry.  But anyway I guess we all have to go through it eventually.